Page 129 of Grave Matter

Maybe my mind is filling in the blanks, making me think I do, based on the events that happened earlier.

“Tell you what, Syd,” Everly says. “When this storm is over, we’ll get the police involved and press charges. Say he tried to kill you.”

“Everly,” Michael warns again. “Let’s discuss this before we do anything rash. There’s a lot here that will be hard to unpack for anyone, let alone the cops.” He looks to me. “You said you left him on his boat. Do you know he’s alive for sure?”

I nod as David comes out with a hot mug of tea. “He had a pulse. The autopilot is set for Winter Harbor. But what if he dies on the way there? What if I killed him?’

“Hmm,” Michael says, not seeming bothered by that idea in the slightest. He takes out a walkie-talkie and presses the button. “Keith? Is Roderick with you? Send a Zodiac out to interceptMithrandir. It should be out in the inlet. Navigation lights on. And yes, I’m aware there’s a storm.”

“You’re stopping him?” I ask.

“The cops might not be able to do anything, but we can,” he says with a grin that sets my teeth on edge.

“Can I just say how wonderful it is to have you back, Syd?” Everly says, squeezing my knee. “You’re one of us again. You gave up on trying to change the lodge. See what happens when you let the lodge change you?”

Change me into what? I think as I take a sip of the tea. It’s bitter and acidic, but the heat is soothing.What am I now?

“But how was I one of you?” I ask. “Why did I stay at Madrona?”

I try to think, but my head starts to pound. I wonder if the mycelia in my brain are working extra hard. The idea of it, of what’s actually happening in there, makes my mind spin. I have so many questions, and I don’t even know where to start.

“You had nowhere to go without that scholarship,” Michael says.

Scholarship? Oh yes. That was real. That happened.

“You stayed because you were ambitious,” Everly says proudly. “Because you wanted success above all else. Because you know you are made for great things. Because you proved your worth. That brilliant mind of yours discovered the secret to all of this, after all.”

I stare at her woozily, not understanding.

“It was you who eventually found out the receptors needed for the fungi to grow and create new synapses,” she tells me. “It was you that took this from a groundbreaking cure for inflammation and brain injuries, from Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s, and managed to do something even more profound.Youfound a way to cheat death.”

I blink at her, the room spinning slightly.

“What do you mean?” I ask, but my words sound funny.

“You’re the one who made the breakthrough, Syd! It took time, but you did it. It was your research and discovery that made it possible for us to kill that mouse, to bring it back to life. And then when we were ready for human testing, well, you’re the one who found us our first patient. We couldn’t have taken that leap without your lapse in morals.”

The world drops out from underneath me. I go still, but the room keeps spinning.

No.

“What?” I whisper, my heart full of lead as memories threaten me.

“A suicide was a happy accident,” Everly says. “Poor Farida just couldn’t stomach the program. But when you suggested we cut open her head and use the mycelia on her, well, we couldn’t refuse. Sure, it didn’t go right the first time. Or the second or the third. But you were very persistent, and eventually, you got it right.” She pauses. “Too bad you never saw that advancement. Because we had to use it on you.”

“No,” I gasp, trying to shield myself from the memories that keep flooding in.

No, I would never.

I would never.

But I remember, I remember.

I remember who I was.

The Sydney of back then.

I remember…

---