Page 71 of Grave Matter

Though for a moment, just for a second, I think I see a flash of something else.

But no, it’s just a trick of the light.

Kincaid stands to the side of me and says, “Do you see that girl?”

I see her, I think.Sydney Denik, hot mess express.

“That’s what I’m up against,” he says, his voice so low and rough that it sends fingers up my spine. “That’s who makes it so damn hard to come to work every day because I have to pretend. Pretend I don’t want her. Pretend I don’t need her. Pretend Idon’t craveher.”

Fuck, I’m turning into a puddle on my feet. The way he said hecraves meis combining into a messy brew, along with every other feeling I’ve had tonight, until I’m not sure if I want to slap him again or fuck him senseless.

“The only thing I’m allowed to do is try and save her,” he adds. “And so I watch you. I don’t need to watch you undress or fuck yourself in your sleep. I need to make sure you’re alright.”

I blink at his words and stare at his reflection in the mirror.

“I should report you,” I tell him, though it doesn’t sound like I mean it and I hate that. Hate how weak he makes me feel.

“You should,” he agrees solemnly. “It would be the right thing to do.”

“Would you be sent away?”

He shrugs.

I have a feeling he wouldn’t be. They need him here.

“And no one else watches me?”

“Not like I do,” he says, a sharpness in his gaze. “They don’t have your best interests at heart.”

That’s apparent now. I feel bamboozled by Everly after hearing what she said.

I turn to face him. “Why do you need to save me? Are you saving me from them? What is really going on here?”

“I told you. I need to save you from yourself. I know your background. I know what happened to you. I know the things you won’t let yourself see, the things you won’t let yourself face. This place…” He shakes his head. “This place will lead you into the forest one day and never let you out. I can’t let that happen to you.”

“Please tell me that’s metaphorical.”

“It’s the forest of your mind, Syd. The Lodge, it messes with those who are most vulnerable. I’ve seen it happen time and time again. I don’t want any harm coming to you, not if I can stop it.”

My chest suddenly feels cold, constricted, like my ribs are made of ice. “You’re the one who made me go off Adderall. I haven’t been able to think clearly ever since.”

“Yes, you have,” he says. “Tell me, have you noticed your symptoms? Has it felt like you’ve been missing your meds?”

I rub my lips together, trying to think. “I don’t know. It’s hard to tell. There’s just so much happening.”

“You have to keep trusting me.”

“Oh, so you can keep spying on me?”

“The cameras are recent, Sydney,” he says. “I put them up a few days ago.”

And just like that, I’m angry again.

“Do you know how it feels to have your trust violated by the one person who asked you to trust them?”

“I do. And I hate that you feel that way,” he says. “I apologize, deeply and sincerely. But I still need you to trust me.”

I stare at him. I can tell he really is sorry for making me feel this way, but I don’t think he’s actually sorry about doing it.

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