Page 27 of A Vow of Shadows

My leather gloves creaked as I took up the reins, holding them with more force than was necessary. Without a word, the horses sprang into motion, hurrying us back to The Between.

Chapter 22

Katrin

Somehow, I hadn’t anticipated evading Death would be so boring. Honestly, I’d had very little hope my last ditch effort to save myself would work. I thought I’d be fully immersed in the Afterworld by now, or at least anxiously awaiting my departure in my family manor.

I thought of my parents, going on with their lives in my absence. If I could have spared my parents the pain of waking to find their only child gone, I would have, but it would have only prolonged their inevitable heartache.

Hopefully, they had gotten my note. I’d been vague about my intentions, not wanting either of them to follow me. Perhaps there was a way to get word to them that I was safe—that I hadn’t passed to the Afterworld. I would have to ask the Ferrier, which was a trial in itself. It hadn’t been difficult to sway him to my side at the crossroads, but ever since, he’d been far less accommodating—even if he was currently procuring me food. For some reason, seeing him without his Ferrier cloak today had made it harder to accept his supposedly lost humanity. Now, Iwas a confused ball of emotions, fretting away in a cold kitchen while I awaited my not-savior’s return.

I’d explored more of the manor, got lost a few times, and stumbled across a ballroom, a salon, a wine cellar, a greenhouse full of dead plants, and a library whose books looked well on their way toward crumbling to dust.

There was still an entire wing left to explore, but hunger had eaten away at my curiosity. I’d run to my room for a small bite to eat then returned to the kitchen to stew.

Few of the Ferrier’s shadows remained, most having accompanied him on his outing. The ones that stayed floated around the corners of the room as though making their presence known. I had no doubt these strange creatures could hide away or blend in with the shades of the house. Instead, they’d chosen to let me know that I wasn’t alone, and for that, I was grateful.

I smiled at the one closest to me, and it appeared to perk up at the attention, puffing up in size. It rolled toward me like a storm cloud, and I resisted the urge to flinch from its approach. When it came within my reach, it stopped, bobbing benignly as though in wait. With slow, cautious movements, I slid my arm off the table, extending my unmarked fingers toward the shadow. My eyes flicked up, seeking approval from a nonexistent face. The shadows inched closer, and I watched, transfixed, as my hand was engulfed in darkness.

The cold hit me first. It was a chill unlike any I’d felt before. A chill of death. Even my first brush with the shadow upstairs had not been so frigid.

I nearly jerked my hand away at the unwelcome sensation, but then the darkness shifted, dancing and weaving through my fingers. My right arm appeared and reappeared while it flowed around me like a flowing river. As it coursed up my arm, I couldn’t help comparing it to my marked side.

I looked at each of my hands disappearing into darkness and gasped. Just as quick, the shadow retreated back to the corner, chastened.

“I’m sorry,” I croaked, trying to calm my heart that threatened to beat from my chest. “I just…” I trailed off feeling foolish for speaking to a shadow, but also for the words I was about to utter. I’d just seen myself fading away into nothing like a real-life nightmare.

The worst part of my curse wasn’t that I had to die, though I wasn’t excited about that part either. I wasn’t through experiencing all that the living world had to offer. No, the worst part was losing myself—becoming nothing. When the little parts of my identity slipped away, I constantly had to redefine who I was, until I was existing only within the tiny box approved by the rest of the world. That box had grown smaller and smaller over the last eight years, and even now, without it, I didn’t know how to keep myself from disappearing completely.

I’d already lost so much of what I was: student, peer, lady, intended, friend. They were words that no longer defined me, each shadow on my skin marking another bit of me carved away by fear.

Laying my hands flat on the table, I stared from one to the other. The mark hadn’t changed me, so much as it had other people’s opinions about me. But without their mirrors to stand before, I was looking for me in a sea of shadows. It didn’t matter that the mark had remained. People would always see me for what I lacked. I was a glass vase, invisible but for what I could offer others.

I was still staring at my hands when the Ferrier appeared. He materialized out of the shadows, and if I hadn’t already been so thoroughly spooked, I may have jumped out of my seat.

His hood was thrown back, giving me a clear view of his face. For a moment, he looked familiar, like someone I knew in adream. I shook off the strange sensation as I took in his tense jaw and the downward slope of his brows. My whole body went on alert. He stood casually, hands tucked into unseen pockets, but everything about him radiated danger.

Our eyes met, and I bit down on the overwhelming desire to flee, knowing there was nowhere I could run where he couldn’t find me.

“What’s happened?”

“Are you alright?”

We spoke at the same time, and I ducked my head to hide the smile that snuck onto my lips.

“Nothing has happened,” I assured him. “I was merely contemplating my existence when you stormed in.”

He looked around as though questioning my choice of location for such thoughts, but shrugged it off. “You’ll find that is a common pastime in The Between.” His mouth turned down in distaste. “And I did notstormin.”

I smiled fully this time, oddly pleased to have gotten under the skin of such a terrifying creature. His tone was brusque, but I brushed it off as impatience. He’d taken time away from his task to find food for me, and I could only be grateful. My stomach made its appreciation known with a loud growl that he mercifully ignored.

With a wave of his hand, a vast shadow swept the table, leaving a small banquet in its wake. Bread, meat, cheese, eggs. My mouth watered at the sight of the potatoes. He’d done well, better than I’d expected of a man who hadn’t eaten in years.

I briefly considered where he’d acquired it all. So much food was sure to be missed. Deciding I’d rather not know, I willfully ignored the moral dilemma and swallowed my pride.

“Thank you,” I told the Ferrier, hoping to soften some of his icy demeanor.

He inclined his head, looking anywhere but at me. Finished with me, he turned and strode for the door. “I’ve taken the liberty of fetching some more of your clothes as well, Miss Fil’Owen. I’ve sent them to your room—”

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