Page 13 of My Bully's Crush: Vol1

It was over; I’d done it, and from the sound of the crowd out there, not to mention the standing ovation, I hadn’t made a complete ass of myself.The rest of the night was a blur.The after party that I wanted no part of, the many compliments and congratulations that I fielded from people I once knew, it all just went by relatively fast, and I was able to make my escape in a decent manner and without drawing too much attention to myself.

“Did you see the look on Ryder’s face?He couldn’t keep his eyes off you.”I looked at Rachel, and the words I wanted to say got lost in my throat, and my tongue felt too heavy.

“Why the fuck would you say something like that to her right now?”Sydney yelled and wrapped her arm around me protectively.

“I wanna leave; I wanna go home.Get me out of here, please.”

“Okay, chicklet, we’re leaving.”She motioned someone over, and the next thing I knew, we were being ushered out the backdoor of the swanky nightclub we were at.

It was only in the safety of the backseat of the chauffeur-driven car that I realized that I was doing what I’ve always done, running away again.Still, I couldn’t dredge up the strength to give a shit what anyone thought.For some reason, those faceless people flashed across my mind, and a new idea was born.

Chapter 10

*Ryder*

I let the water run down over me in the shower in the hopes that it would wash away whatever this was that I was feeling.It was the only place where I could be alone these days.Ever since that night that I’d rushed out of the house to go lick my wounds after listening to her song, Janie has been on my ass like stink on shit.

Since I refused to answer her questions and she still had no idea where I’d gone or what I’d been doing, she’s become even more neurotic than ever.I’ve been in hell ever since that night, vacillating between happiness, anger, relief, and uncertainty.

I was proud of her, of course, though I had to keep it hidden.I must be the only human being on earth who wasn’t allowed to show his true feelings one way or the other about her chart-topping song.

I knew it was about me; how could I not?Everybody knew it was about me unless they lived under a rock.And even though she’d ripped me to shreds with her words, I can never forget the way it felt to see her again.

She looked amazing, absolutely gorgeous, but then again, she’s always been that.I was just happy to lay my eyes on her again since she’s been punishing me for the past three years by keeping herself hidden away from me.

I always wonder about what she was thinking, what she’d felt that day I pissed both our lives away.I’ve heard from everyone else except her until now, and I’ve got to be honest with you, I wish I never knew.Hearing her so poignantly explain what exactly I’d done to her in a room full of people who were all staring daggers at me, I had no doubt, had been as uncomfortable as the human experience could get.

I knew the words; I had been going over and over them in my head ever since the song’s release.But watching her perform, and hearing the fear that had been in her voice in the beginning, had brought it all home to me, and I started having second thoughts about even attending the event.

Janie had tried to talk me out of it, and maybe that’s the reason I’d insisted.Anything to thwart her, to make her suffer for being a part of this, but I didn’t know it would be this bad.I had no idea that anything could work its way through the cacophony of narcotics I had coursing through my system.

I thought I would be numb; I believed I needed to be to get through the night, I’d prepared myself, but somehow, she’d still crushed me.I wanted to get up and go backstage to her.Those few minutes on stage weren’t enough.I needed to hear from her own lips how she was doing.

I wanted one more chance to look into her eyes before the night was over.I wanted so much, but in the end, Janie’s fingers that had dug into me like talons had kept me in place.I couldn’t make a scene, and besides, I’m pretty sure that once she left the stage, all eyes in the building were on me.

I didn’t go to any after-parties, which was new for me.Any place where there was sure to be booze and drugs were like a magnet to me.But tonight, I didn’t feel like it, something that pissed Janie off no end.

It’s pretty well known that she’s nothing without me.Most people just tolerate her presence when I’m not there.Plus, I guess she knew better than to step foot out the door since the song hadn’t been too kind to her either if you listened between the lines.

Yeah, maybe that’s the real reason she’d chosen to come back with me instead of going off with her friends, which was something she’d done in the past.Fuck, I don’t want to think about her, or how she’s doing, I only want to think about Elena.

I’d long stopped listening, only to the words that seemed to claim she no longer loved me.Even at my highest, something deep inside me told me that what we shared was real.It’s the kind of love that no distance or time could ever change.Until I’d fucked it all up, of course.But even then, some part of me knew and believed that we would always belong to each other.

That kind of love cannot easily be replaced.Our hearts are bound to each other in a way that nothing could ever break, no earthly power anyway.But when I started paying attention to the rest of the song, the words that spoke of her hurt and trauma, I felt like more of a monster than in the first days after the incident.

Listening to her pour her heart out live and right in front of me had added more substance to the words, and how she’d looked at me at the beginning of the song seemed to drive each word directly into my soul.

Water turned into tears on my cheeks as I slammed my hands into the marble walls of the shower, head bent, knees about to give out in weakness as I relived every moment of that performance.

If I don’t get to talk to her soon, I think I’ll go out of my mind.I need to talk to her, to tell her that this was all a big mistake.Something that I’d done in anger had snowballed and become this major clusterfuck that it is today.“I’m coming, Elena.I’ll make my way back to you no matter what it takes.”

***

*Janie*

“I’m losing him, Dad.I can feel it.Help me, do something.Call her.”

“Okay, I will, I will, but you need to calm down.You’ll do none of us any good if you lose your way at this point.It was just one night anyway; what makes you think….”

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