Page 65 of What if I Told You

Staring at my best friend from across the room, I find it increasingly difficult to hold back my tears. I grab for a tissue and blow my nose while shaking my head to let him know that no, Heath didn’t hurt me.

Well, he hurt my ego, but physically, I’m fine.

“What happened? Tell me what he said.”

Sniffle.

Sniffle.

“We were having a great time together,” I start. “Dinner was good. He was great at conversation. Knew his manners and was a perfect gentleman.”

“Alright.”

“And then we went to play mini golf and we had a great time there too,” I say tearfully, my voice breaking. “And then since I drove myself he wanted to give me a goodnight kiss in the parking lot after golf and I said yes and so he kissed me and…and…why do these things always seem to happen to me?”

“What? What happened?” August hasn’t moved an inch since he walked through the door and stopped in the middle of the room. His stare has been a mixture of horror, confusion, and curiosity as I replay my night but because this night has been so shitty I can’t help but look at him and see the man who had me in his bed just a few nights ago. His hands on my body and my lips so close to his but then chose not to kiss me.

What happened?

You didn’t choose me.

And neither did Heath.

“He kissed me, Auggie. And it was like kissing a fucking wet sloppy dog.”

“Oo…kay…” He tries his best not to react but I know he’s wondering what the hell is going on.

“But then he had the audacity to questionmykissing ability.”

“He what?”

“Yeah! He pulled away and tipped his head and said, ‘hmm interesting.’ And I asked what he meant by that and he actually fucking said to me, ‘Well, it’s not like that was awful but it just wasn’t…what I was expecting.’ And so, I asked what he was expecting and he said he expected a whole lot more tongue because he likes his women wet and spitty and that wasn’t quite enough for him but then maybe he could train me to give him what he wanted.”

Auggie’s face contorts. “The fuck?”

“RIGHT? That’s what I said! And then he fucking asked me if I was a prude! So, I slapped his face and told him to fuck all the way off and got in my car and came home.”

“Fucking right you did,” he says with a proud smirk.

“But…but…” My chin trembles and tears fall from my eyes all over again as I sob to my best friend. “But I’ve never had a guy tell me I’m a bad kisser before and he was essentially telling me I wasn’t good enough at it for him and then you didn’t kiss me the other night either and I thought you were going to but then you didn’t so now I’m not good enough for you and I’m not good enough for Heath and I’ve clearly never been good enough for any of the guys I’ve been with or else I wouldn’t have had to tell you that I’ve never had a goddamn orgasm without the help of a finger or toy!” I finally inhale, but then blurt, “And I tried to be all brave and strong in front of him, but dammit, sometimes enough is enough!” I stomp my foot. “What’s a girl got to do to find a guy who will treat them the way they deserve to be treated? And how the hell is it so easy for you and it’s not for me?”

August doesn’t respond.

He merely stares at me from ten feet away.

His shoulders rise and fall with each of his breaths and I watch his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows. I have no idea what he’s thinking but I see his jaw tick once, and then twice, and then he’s moving.

He’s moving toward me.

“I’m sorry,” I tell him, casting my eyes down to my hand that’s still around the neck of my beer bottle. “I know I’m just being an emotional girl and I didn’t mean to?—”

“Shut up,” he says.

I lift my head to find him much closer to me, his body moving with purpose, the expression on his face one of resolve.

“But—”

It’s the only word I get out of my mouth before August is right in front of me, sliding his hand into my hair, cupping my face with his other hand, and crashing his lips to mine.

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