Page 61 of What if I Told You

“Yes.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know!” I slap my hand down on the bar in front of me. “Because I’m a fucking scared pansy ass idiot when it comes to her. Because I’m so fucking scared of crossing a line we’ve never crossed that I talked myself out of it but believe me I wanted too. I wanted her so badly and I had her right fucking there! I could’ve done it. I could’ve touched her. I could’ve kissed her. I could’ve rolled her over and shown her all the ways I would pleasure her. But I didn’t. Because I’m a goddamn fucking chicken.”

Griffin finally comes around the bar from his kitchen and pulls up a stool next to me. “Do you want my advice or do you just want to vent?”

“If you have advice, I’ll gladly take it.”

“You’re in love with your best friend, August.”

“I’m not in?—”

“Bro,” he tells me with a cock of his head. “You’re so head over heels for her it’s not even funny. We all see it. You’re the only one who doesn’t see it…except that I think somewhere down deep you do see it. You feel it. Otherwise, none of this would’ve ever happened the way you just explained it and you wouldn’t give two shits. You haven’t even as much as thought about seeking out another woman since before Ella moved to Anaheim. The August we know…or knew…wouldn’t have cared if someone was living with him or not. If he wanted to get laid, he would’ve gotten himself laid.”

I glance at Ledger who nods in agreement. “He’s right, man.”

“But you haven’t even thought about it,” Griffin continues. “Because Ella means something to you. She means enough that you’ve changed your lifestyle because of her. And that’s not a terrible thing. But if you don’t just go for it and see what happens, you’re going to resent her for the decisions you’re making and that’s not fair to her. If you want her, tell her. If you want to kiss her, ask her fucking permission first and then kiss her. See what happens.” He shrugs. “It’s not like you two haven’t ever kissed before.”

“That was a long time ago. We were kids.”

He shrugs. “And now you’re adults. Big deal. Either it’s going to work or it’s not, but how will you ever know if you don’t try? Just be man enough to respect her feelings in the end. Even if you try and things don’t work out. Because she’s on our team now and she’s not going away. And we protect what’s ours at all costs.”

Even though it causes me nearly crippling fear to think about Ella and I not working out, I also can’t fathom a time in my life past, present, or future, where I wouldn’t want her around. Ella Montgomery is my life. She’s my home. She always has been and she always will be.

My heart rate finally comes down the longer we sit here. Chatting with some of the guys whose opinions matter most to me helps me feel less anxious. “What about this date she’s on?”

“You don’t have anything to worry about,” Griffin assures me.

“Are you sure.”

Ledger scowls. “Nah. Fuck that guy. He’s not the one.”

I chuckle at his curt response. “What makes you so certain?”

“Because the one for her is sitting right in front of me. She just doesn’t know it yet.”

Much calmer now after a workout,a long hot shower, and a few beers, I slip on my pair of gray sweatpants reminding myself that just because my best friend is out on a date tonight doesn’t mean I can’t look like the sexy mother fucker I know I can be when she gets home.

If she comes home.

Recalling her words as we argued her first night here, I cringe at the thought that I upset her and wish I could take it all back.

“Sleep with whoever you want. It’s none of my business but?—”

“That’s right. It’s none of your business, but alright. I’ll play by your rules, August. So, just so you know, when I don’t come home one night it’s because I’m obviously out having the best fuck of my life.”

Ugh. The factshe might not walk through those doors tonight has me nauseous. I can feel the anxiety creeping up my body, but I shake it off as best I can.

“She’s coming home tonight,” I tell myself. “She’s coming home to me.”

I take a look at my reflection in the bedroom mirror noting all the parts of me that I know ladies check out. And I know this because some women have no shame hiding behind their keyboards on the internet.

Sculpted chest? Check.

Abs for days? Check.

That special V that points to my junk? Yep.

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