Page 37 of What if I Told You

I haven’t thought about that thing in years!

Gasping, I reach for the old Beanie Baby crab I gave to August when we were in middle school and hold it in my hand. “Crabby?”

My heart melts at the sight of the gift I bought for August all those years ago. “August? Is this really?—”

“Yeah,” he answers with a gentle nod.

Speechless, I stare at the small stuffed toy in my hands. A little ragged looking now, I’m shocked it’s still in one piece let alone in his bed. My brows furrow as I ponder the appearance of the old gift. “And do you?—”

“Every single night.” His eyes finally meet mine and suddenly I’m finding it hard to form words.

“But…” I shake my head. “I don’t…I mean…this is...”

“It’s no big deal.”

“Auggie you’ve had Crabby since we were thirteen. I think that’s kind of a big deal.”

He shrugs but his demeanor has changed. He’s softer now. “It helps me sleep,” he says. “And it helped me feel closer to you over the years when we weren’t…you know, like we are now.”

Like we are now?

Should I be reading more into this?

August and I have never really spoken about furthering our friendship or crossing that line. In fact, that one time we kissed in high school, when we were young and curious to know what kissing felt like, we specifically promised each other we would never cross that line. But then I look down at my hand, at the stuffed toy I gave him nearly fifteen years ago that he still has, and I wonder if his feelings have changed in some way.

“Like we are now?” I question.

The corner of his mouth turns up slightly and he nods, stepping toward me. “Yeah,” he says, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me against him for another hug. “Who needs Crabby now when you’re here? In the flesh.”

“I guess that’s true,” I murmur against his warm skin. I close my eyes for a quick beat while he holds me in his arms, the sound of his heart beating in his chest reverberates against my ear. He’s right. His hold is strong and warm but tender and loving.

“I really am glad you’re here with me, El. You mean more to me than I could ever begin to explain. You’ve always been that comfort from home, you know? You’re my best friend and I don’t know what I would do without you.”

My ribs grow tight and there’s a sudden heaviness to my body, but I will away the feelings of uneasiness and wrap my arms slowly around August’s torso. My palms rest against his heated back, his muscles moving under my touch.

“I’m so sorry about what I said earlier, Ella,” he says, his chin resting on the top of my head. “It was a douchey thing to say and I didn’t mean it the way it came out.”

Itwasa douchey thing to say.

I offer him a weak smile even though he can’t see my face. “I know.”

“Your tits are beautiful, okay? You’re beautiful,” he emphasizes. “I’ve always told you that and I’ve always thought it.”

I nod knowing deep down that what he said earlier was, in fact, the way he really feels. It’s moments like those where you learn someone’s true colors and I learned August’s. I know now he’ll only ever see me as his childhood best friend and that’s okay, but why I’m suddenly feeling saddened by that revelation I cannot explain. I squeeze him a little tighter and tell myself to let go of my hurt and my anger and simply spend the moment breathing in his heady scent.

“Thank you, Auggie.”

“Yeah,” he whispers. Once our moment together passes, and I climb into his bed and cover myself with his ultrasoft duvet. August turns off the lamp and then climbs in on the other side coming up behind me and wrapping an arm around me.

A random thought shoots through my mind as he curls himself around me, cocooning me inside his body. “You know I’m not Crabby, right?”

He chuckles softly behind me. “Yeah. I know, but when was the last time I got to fall asleep next to my best friend? You’ll have to forgive the intrusion because I’m taking full advantage while I can.”

He folds his body around mine, his warmth encapsulating me. His strength protecting me. His…

Hooooly shit.

Is that…?

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