Page 18 of What if I Told You

“Hell no,” he says. “This place ismyplace. My private safe space. If fans knew where I lived, I would have lines of crazies at my door all the fucking time so no. No way. I don’t bring anyone back here. Nobody knows where I live except the other guys on the team because a few of them live in this same complex.”

I narrow my eyes, taking in his words. “So, you’ve never…you’ve never slept with a woman in your own bed?”

How can this be?

He shakes his head quietly having swallowed another bite of pizza. “Ella, I don’t usuallysleepwith women if you get my drift.”

“You don’t…” I gasp, hearing his words in my head. “August Blackstone you don’t sleep with women?”

“No.”

“But you fuck them?”

I see the slight lift in the corner of his mouth. Like he’s proud I came to the correct conclusion. “All the time.”

Something in my stomach drops.

I’m shocked by this news.

Why am I shocked by this?

My shoulders droop as my body slouches. “You’re a pump and dump guy?”

He shrugs, popping the last of his pizza slice into his mouth. “I like to think of it as an adrenaline deposit. And you know this about me, Ella. When was the last time I had a relationship of any kind?”

He’s right. I know this about him. But still. I thought maybe I was wrong. I thought maybe somewhere in that professionally cold soul of his there might be some sort of a heart.

“Ugh!” I roll my eyes and wipe my mouth with my napkin. “You’re the worst.”

“How am I the worst? I’ve never given any woman the wrong idea. They’re all willing participants. Fucking is just…”

“What…?” I ask him, standing from the floor and crossing my arms over my chest and suppressing the feeling that I want to cry. Ugh, why is crying my go-to emotional response? I hate this about myself. “What is fucking, exactly, to you?”

And why is this news upsetting me more than I thought it would?

It’s not like I didn’t know he sleeps around.

“Fucking, for me, is just a way to help me unwind after a game. There’s nothing emotional about it.” He shrugs. “It’s fun. It’s physical and it gives me the release I need after a hard day…pun unintended.” He smirks. “What’s so bad about that?”

I cock my head. “So, then, what about me?”

“Uh…what about you?”

“Well first of all, what if I don’t see fucking as just a physical…” I shake my head trying to find the words. “Deposit of adrenaline as you so nicely put it.”

His brows lift. “I’m guessing from the look on your face that fucking is more of an emotional thing for you.”

“Yes. Of course it is, but that’s not what I meant when I brought up me. I meant, what happens when I want to bring a man home to my bed?”

He shakes his head adamantly. “No, no, no, no, no. That’s a hard pass. Nobody touches you. Certainly not in my house.”

Okay, now he’s just pissing me off. I jut my hip out, my jaw dropping as I scoff. “So, it’s okay for you to run around fucking whomever you want, but I can’t have a boyfriend if I want one?”

“You can fuck whoever you want. Just don’t do it here and honestly, I’d probably be better off not knowing about it.”

“But unlike you, I’m the relationship type, Auggie. So, if and when I find the right guy for me, I’m going to want him to meet you and spend time with me and us, here, in my home. We’re going to want to be physical because that’s important to me in a relationship. You said I could live here.”

“And I meant it, but?—”

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