Page 57 of Tore Up

There had been no screaming, yet here I was.

After my shower, I’d lain in bed and stared at the ceiling for almost an hour, waiting for her to cry out. Telling myself I wasn’t sleeping because I didn’t want to be woken up by her nightmare was a lie. I had no reason for being here in this room and especially in this bed. No logical excuse that made what was happening in my head okay. It wasn’t.

No amount of fucking both Milena and Bronwen tonight had eased it either. I had been so sure that all I needed was to fuck. Hell, when Milena riding my dick out on the lounger didn’t work, I took them both in the game room, lying on the pool table with one on my cock and the other on my mouth while they faced one another, kissing and playing with each other’s tits. It was hot, and I went through two condoms, letting them switch spots, but it hadn’t gotten Halo out of my head.

I’d known the moment she left the great room to go upstairs.Every time she looked over at me, I felt it, although I didn’t make eye contact. Struggling to focus on the damn game was hard. When someone talked to her, that was all I could hear. Making sure no one had said anything that upset her.

Giving in and coming up to her room had been the only way I was going to ease the war going on inside my head. This was something I needed to get control of. If she wasn’t screaming, I shouldn’t be coming in here.

A small sigh escaped her, and the mint from her toothpaste drifted up to my nose. I’d been enjoying the smell of her hair. It reminded me of strawberries. My arm tightened around her involuntarily. It had a mind of its own now, it seemed.

I ran my fingertips down her back, stopping just before they met her ass. The top of her silky pajamas had ridden up, and her soft skin was warm and tempting. Perfect.

I’d been so fucking angry with Crosby for this. For her. Being so careless as to fuck some girl and knock her up. But when I was in bed with her like this—her scent surrounding me, her flawless skin in the moonlight, and the way her body felt, pressed against me—I understood. She wasn’t mine, and I had no right to do this, but I couldn’t seem to stop it.

If she would just do something, anything to justify my accusations that she had trapped Crosby for his money, I could hate her again. I had hated her, and then … I didn’t. Or maybe I hadn’t ever truly hated her. Had it just been misplaced and my hatred was never for her? I had lived in anguish for two months, needing to know who was responsible for my little brother being in the cold, hard ground, and she was the first thing I could sink my pain and fury into. Admitting that the unwelcome grinding in my chest was guilt had been difficult. That wasn’t an emotion I was familiar with, and now that I seemed to live with it, I could say that I wasn’t a fan.

A whimper came from the girl in my arms, and I pressed a kissto her forehead.

“Shh,” I said, soothing her. “I’ve got you.”

Immediately, she quieted, and her body relaxed.

I glared at the wall as if it had made me place my lips on her. Another line crossed. I had to stop this shit. Holding her was one thing—I was making sure she got sleep. If I didn’t hold her, she’d have a nightmare. The screaming had to be bad for my nephew. They both needed me. The healthier and happier she was, the better it was for him. Crosby would have understood that. He’d have wanted them both taken care of.

As I closed my eyes, satisfied that I was doing what my brother would have wanted me to do, the heaviness on my chest eased enough that I could get some sleep.

Twenty-Four

Halo

The rest of the week fell into a routine. It gave me a false sense of security.

Waking up every morning to the enticing scent of Bane on my sheets was also becoming normal. The only thing that made sense was that my pregnant brain was somehow causing my subconscious to bring that smell up while I was asleep. So, when I first woke up, that was what I thought wafted in the air and on the sheets.

Most mornings, Bane had already left the house when I made it to the kitchen. Than was there though, and we talked while we ate, then left to go to the distillery. I answered the phones, went through the mail, and organized the files that were on the desk into the drawers.

Around one, Than would take me back to the house. We hadn’t gone back to the stables. I did want to see the horses again, but I didn’t want to overhear any sexual activities that Bane might behaving.

The past two afternoons, I had been the only one at the house, so I’d taken advantage of the pool, swimming and then soaking up the warm sun. The exercise I knew was good for the baby and my body. Without my bike, I wasn’t getting cardio daily, like I once had.

Evenings were spent with whichever of the guys was home, eating dinner on the sofa in the great room. I normally excused myself early and went up to my room.

I’d almost finished reading the thick prenatal book Dr. Stella had given me. Among all my things, I only owned two other books. I had read them both already, but I was going to reread each one. It gave me something to do before going to bed. The guys were all nice to me, and no one made me feel as if I was unwanted, but I could tell they also weren’t sure what to say and do around me. Coming up here after dinner made me feel like I was giving them their space back.

Today was Saturday, and I already knew Than wasn’t going to the distillery. He’d said they would all probably be gone when I got up, but that Wilma would have breakfast waiting for me. I had decided last night that I’d take a book out to the pool. Deciding on which book was my evening activity. In the end, I’d chosen to takeThe Notebookby Nicholas Sparks. I had found the copy I owned at a thrift store for fifty cents two years ago. It had kept me up all night the first time I read it.

When I walked into the kitchen, a tall woman with broad shoulders, short brown hair that stopped just below her ears, and a pair of wire-rimmed glasses perched on her long, narrow nose stood behind the counter, chopping vegetables. She lifted her chin, and her dark eyes met mine. Her piercing gaze caused me to pause.

“Hello, Halo,” she said with a wry quirk of her mouth. She set her knife down, then walked over to open the oven and took outa covered plate. “Please have a seat. I just need to add the berries to your protein waffles. Would you prefer orange juice or milk?”

I’d already assumed this was the elusive Wilma who kept the place spotless and prepared meals, yet was never seen.

“Milk, thank you, but I can get it,” I replied.

She set the plate down on the counter. “I am sure you can, but there is no need with me in here. Have a seat.” The no-nonsense way she spoke had me doing exactly what I had been told.

I looked at the stools where I normally sat at the bar, but I wasn’t sure she would want me that close to where she was working. I shifted my gaze to the large, empty table that I’d never seen used, then decided to take a spot where I always did. Pulling out a stool, I sat down.

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