Page 84 of Tore Up

“What a selfish bitch. As if Crosby would have wanted them to take care of some hanger-on because she was nasty and let him shoot his load in her.”

I winced, pulling my towel tighter against my chest.

“Right? Bane is suffering. He’s all moody, but deep down, he’s such a good man.”

A small laugh came from one of them. “When he gets back, youcan make him feel better. You’re his favorite.”

“I hate that he is being run out of his own house. It’s just unfair.”

“The others should make her leave.”

“Bane said it’s Than. He refuses to get rid of her. Claims they owe it to Crosby.”

The door opened, and I heard Forge greet them before it closed.

Silence.

I started to walk, but not toward the front door anymore. I wasn’t sure where I was going. All I knew was, I needed distance. To get away. I walked out of the backyard and into the darkness.

I was a burden. Someone who had been forced upon Bane and the others. Someone they did not want. I’d let myself believe otherwise when, deep down, I’d known the truth. I was a reminder of who they had lost.

I winced as something stabbed my bare foot, but there was a numbness settling over me. It eased the old, familiar ache that had begun to stir again.

The moonlight filtered through the trees just enough so I could keep from running into anything. A limb raked across my calf. The sting made me think it might have broken skin. Not that it mattered. I just needed to be alone. Out of the way.

I continued on, playing through everything they’d said. The trees became denser, and I stopped to look around. I couldn’t see the lights from the house in the distance. That was probably bad. Getting back could be an issue. I saw a log and went over to sit down. Wrapping my towel around my shoulders, I shivered and stared at nothing really. It was too dark to see very far in front of my face.

Bane had been gone for five days. Would he stay gone the entire pregnancy? Was my being here that difficult for him? I had thought he’d stopped hating me. I’d thought a lot of things.I seemed to always do that. Want something so bad that I convinced myself it was true.

Maybe now, I’d finally learned my lesson.

I wasn’t meant to have a place to call home.

Thirty-Eight

Bane

I sat with my elbows resting on my thighs as I stared at my brother’s grave. This was the first time I’d come back here. I hadn’t been able to bring myself before, knowing he was buried underground. It had hurt too damn much to think about.

“I fucked up,” I said aloud. “And I thought I could fix it. Get my head clear. But it’s not working.”

Rolling my head around, I cracked my neck. I felt like I hadn’t slept in five fucking days.

“Telling you I understand, that I get it, doesn’t make it better either, does it?” I said.

My eyes went to the date on the tombstone. Fuck.

“You’ve not been gone three full months yet. Hell, you’d think my fucking grief would have stopped me. I thought I hated her. But that is literally impossible.” A hard laugh came from my chest. “But again, you would know. You were ready to cause a fucking uproar in the family over her. And if that bastard hadn’tshot you, I have no doubt you’d have gone through with it. You would have moved her in with you.”

Jesus.

I ran my hand over my face. “Dammit, Crosby, I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t make it better, but I don’t know what else to say to you, little brother. I can’t help it. I can’t! And, GOD, I wanted to make it stop. I hated myself for not being able to ignore her. I fucking loathed myself for wanting her so damn bad. Every day, it just gets more intense. I’m losing my shit. My damn sanity is snapping.”

I dropped my head into my hands and let out a ragged sigh. I was talking to a grave as if it could respond.

“To add to my sins, she’s too young. She’s vulnerable. And so fucking broken, but not damaged. She should be. The shit life she’s had … it would have destroyed other people. But not her. She smiles and laughs. She tries so hard. She’s determined to please.

“Fuck,” I groaned. “She’s under my skin, brother.”

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