Page 25 of The Sound of Secrets

I leaned on the opposite side of the island. If I were about to have this conversation with an adult, I’d do it with a glass of whiskey in hand.

“I needed somewhere quiet where I won’t get distracted so I can have a conversation with you. This place is like a museum. I can stay focused and say what I have to say.” My tone was the most serious it’d ever been when speaking to her. For the first time in our relationship, I was forced to be a stern adult instead of her quirky bestie. I braced my hands on the edge of the counter and leaned forward. “Did you tell Ky about the trip to Italy? Does he know what happened to your mom’s ashes?” My fingernails scratched across the marble, and my knuckles turned white. “It was supposed to be a family secret, because if your grandmother found out, she would be very upset with me, even if what happened was in your mom’s best interest.”

Winnie sat up straight and blinked her eyes at me in obvious surprise. “I didn’t tell him. I haven’t seen him since we bumped into him at the bookstore.” Her gaze, which was so like Willow’s, sharpened. “Why are you always asking me about Ky? It’s getting weird.”

I watched her closely for any signs of deception. “Someone told your grandfather that I moved your mom. And he found a way to tell your grandma. Uncle Win and I spent the afternoon at the care facility. Mom had to be sedated. She hurt herself.” My voice caught and my eyes dropped to the red scratch marks on my arms. “It was a nasty scene.”

Winnie’s eyes followed mine. She frowned and leaned toward me with her elbows on the counter. “Ididn’t tell anyone. I swear.” She was adamant. “I’m a Halliday. I know when something has to stay inside the family.”

I cleared my throat and continued to watch her. “Your grandfather linked up with that security woman you liked who got fired. Goldie. She was his messenger. I know you wouldn’t talk to your grandfather without letting me know, so the only other person who could be the go-between is Ky.”

Winnie scowled. “But then Ky would have to know my grandfather. Why would he know him when I’ve never even spoken to the man?”

My hands curled into fists and all the blood in my body rushed to my head. I felt as if I might faint for a second. I forced myself to collect my wildly churning emotions and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. My hands were shaking, and I swore my heart was going to pound out of my chest. “Your grandfather approached Ky because there is a possibility that he’s his grandson. He might be — my son.”

“What?!” Winnie’s chair scraped across the wood flooring and tumbled to the ground. The teenager faced off against me, her position on the opposite side of the island mirroring mine. “How can he be your son? He’s older than me.”

My niece’s voice was shrill. The expression of disbelief on her face was a mirror image of Win’s.

I gulped. I was used to disappointing people, but this was the first time I’d ever been the cause of dismay in Winnie’s eyes. The teenager was doing her best tograpple with the tremendous revelation, but I could see her uncontrolled emotions peeking through the cracks.

“When I was just a little older than you, I met a very dangerous man. While your mom and dad were falling in love, I was making terrible choices and being led down a dangerous path. I was too young to take care of myself. And my family was too messed up for anyone else to care about what I was doing. I got married and had a baby while your mom and dad were on the run from Colette. No one knows what happened other than my father. The baby’s father brought him into the situation when things took a turn for the worse. I nearly died the night I gave birth. The baby was given up for adoption against my will.” I don’t know when I started crying, but tears were dripping off my chin and plopping on the back of my ice-cold hands. “It’s possible Ky is the baby that was taken away from me. He looks eerily similar to my ex-husband. Uncle Win is doing what he can to find out for sure, but Ky isn’t very willing to cooperate. He doesn’t want to upset his mom. If I noticed how much Ky resembles my ex, so did your grandfather. He wants to use what happened in the past to manipulate me into getting him money. He’s threatening to spread gossip from the past to ruin my image and drag your uncle down with me. And he’s already approached Ky and told him horrific things about me. That’s why he won’t agree to a DNA test. If he is the baby who was stolen from me, he hates me. And if he isn’t, we’ve disrupted his life so unfairly. It’s no wonder he wants nothing to do with me.” I sniffled and used my sleeve to dry my cheeks. “The reason I keep warning you not to get too close to him is because he mightbe your cousin. The situation is complicated. We didn’t want to involve you until we knew for sure what we’re dealing with.”

Winnie shoved her hands in her hair and tugged on the strands in frustration. “I don’t know what to say. This is too much. Even for our family.” She gave me a confused look. “Why haven’t I heard any of this before? I never knew your first marriage was so bad.”

“I don’t want to talk about things that hurt. You already had to shoulder a huge loss at such a young age. You’ve carried expectations far heavier than you deserve. My role is to support you, not the other way around. I never wanted to burden you with things that have nothing to do with you. Some secrets are better left unshared unless there is no other option.”

Winnie frowned, and it was her turn to scratch her fingers over the marble in frustration. “But I tell you everything. I never keep secrets from you, Aunt Channing. I trust you.”

My heart throbbed painfully. “I trust you too, Winnie, but you’re still young. There are things in life I want to protect you from until you’re old enough to have a wider world view. And there are some things I hope I can protect you from forever.” I sighed and stepped around the island so I could pull her stiff body into a hug. “I’ll never let you end up in a situation like that. Not that you would. You understand how dangerous it can be to fall in love.”

Winnie hugged me back and I could feel her arms tremble. “I also know how wonderful it can be. Without my grandmother’s interference, my parents would’vebeen happy together forever. My dad is still desperately in love with my mom.” She patted my back softly and pulled away to look at me with eyes far more serious than her age allowed. “And I see the way Uncle Win loves you.” I opened my mouth to argue, but she shook her head to silence me. “If you weren’t so afraid, you would see it too.”

I was afraid. Of so many things. But I never thought love was one of them.

Looking back at the last several years of my dating history, and the losers and scumbags I often shared a bed with after my split from Roan, it was clear as day I was never at risk of handing my heart to any of them. They were awful choices as partners, but they were all safe. When they hurt me, because they all did in one way or another, it was never devastating. I moved from one shallow relationship to the next without feeling like I lost anything other than time.

That wasn’t the case with Win.

When things inevitably crashed and burned because we were not evenly matched, I worried I might die in the wreckage. Win might hurt me worse than anybody else. He was head and shoulders above all the other men I dated, including the one who saved me from my first marriage. I loved Roan in an effortless and thoughtless way. My feelings for Win took every ounce of concentration I had. I forced myself to keep control of every emotion where he was concerned so my heart didn’t run away with him and leave the rest of me behind. And now that my body was onboard the Win-is-the-best train, the only holdout was my brain. It wouldn’t shut up aboutour differences and the gap between us that felt insurmountable.

“Your uncle and I have a complicated relationship.”

Winnie broke free from the hug and rolled her eyes. I could tell she was getting irritated and the sympathy I’d won had dwindled. “You always say that.It’s complicated. I think you make things that way. If you told me forever ago that you might have a son, and I possibly have a cousin somewhere out there, I wouldn’t let just any random boy approach me. Forewarned is forearmed. That being said,” she rapped her knuckles on the countertop, “I don’t think Ky approached me with ulterior motives. I don’t think he knew who I was when he saved me, even if he knows now. He did it because he’s kind.”

She brought the conversation back around to where we started. “You have too much faith in someone you don’t know. Which is why I think he’s the person responsible for telling your grandfather about your mom’s ashes.”

Winnie gritted her teeth and stomped her foot. It was the first time during this conversation she showed her age. “I told you already, I didn’t tell him about my mom. I would never.”

She was adamant. I wanted to believe her. Neither Win nor I could connect the dots from Ky, to Goldie, to my mother, without Winnie as the starting point. She never lied to me before. It was frustrating reaching a stalemate and not getting any closer to the truth. It was the first time Winnie and I had been at odds.

I felt frustration and other negative emotions start to percolate under the surface of my skin. It’d been along day full of extremes. I was holding myself together by nothing more than sheer grit and the long habit of pretending everything was fine. I was a breath away from breaking down under the weight of everything I repressed. The red marks on my skin seemed to mock me. I was under attack from all sides and had no way to fight back without harming someone I loved.

“Winnie. Be careful. Don’t trust Ky and don’t take the threat your grandfather poses lightly. He went out of his way to purposely hurt your grandma. You’ve seen what she’s like when you visit her. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself.”

She snorted and looked at me through narrowed eyes. Never had she seemed more like a petulant teenager than at this moment. “But I should trust you, even though you don’t tell me everything for my own good. You aspire to be there for me through thick and thin but won’t allow me to do the same. Seems a little hypocritical, Aunt Channing.”

“I’m the adult.” My words were sharp, and it was obvious I was at the end of my emotional rope. I knew talking to her about the past wasn’t going to be simple. However, I didn’t anticipate her anger. My secret kept stabbing me in the heart when I least expected it.

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