Page 16 of The Sound of Secrets

Channing gave a sharp and piercing laugh, then confirmed my initial guess. “Because your mother covered everything up. Roan wanted to press assault charges against my ex. Parker freaked out and begged my dad to help him stay out of jail. He offered to pay him. Since my father’s only loyalty is to money, of course he agreed. The only way to get money was to use the baby as a bargaining chip. When I came to, the baby was already gone. Parker and my dad brokered a private adoption while I was still unconscious. I only know that I gave birth to a premature little boy because the doctor told me. I never saw him. Never held him. I didn’t hear him cry.” Tears started rolling down her cheeks. I went to wipe them away for her, but she drunkenly batted my hand away. It was clear she wanted to feel every ounce of pain she was reliving through her words. “Parker didn’t actually wantchildren. He just wanted to keep me pregnant, so I would be compliant. He wanted a way to tie me to him for the rest of my life because he knew I would never walk away from my kid. Once my dad was involved, Paul Harvey saw an opportunity for an even bigger payday. Just like always. He promised your mother that he would tell her where Willow and Archie were hiding if she greased the wheels and found him a family waiting to adopt a newborn, and got the charges against Parker dropped. He wanted a family willing to pay top dollar. Any chance for him to make a quick buck, he’d take it. Even if it meant selling off his firstborn grandchild like livestock.” Channing sobbed so hard her entire body shook. It was hard to understand the last few sentences because they were garbled and twisted by the intense emotional storm she was caught up in. It took all my strength to keep her on my lap. I made soothing noises, but she was understandably inconsolable.

“You know how they convinced the doctors I wouldn’t contest the adoption?” The question was flavored with her years of disgust and anger. I’d never seen her this way before. It was like a totally different Channing that lived deep within her normally cheerful and effervescent skin.

I shook my head but had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

“I was out of my mind when they told me that my baby had already been adopted. I was more distraught than my mother had ever been, even during one of her major episodes. My father convinced everyone that I agreed with the adoption previously, but the stress of thebirth and previous pregnancy losses made me manic. He had them run a blood test and whatever drug was in the water showed in the results. He called me an addict and swore to anyone who would listen that I would be an unfit mother. He even had a notarized release from a lawyer with my signature on it. With Colette Halliday backing his every word, no one wanted to believe a manic teenager over the adults. He pointed to our family’s history of similar breakdowns, and every single person dealing with me found it far more convenient to chalk up my protest to a psychotic break.”

I kissed her temple and rocked her back and forth. I swore I heard her heart shattering as she relived every agonizing moment. Winnie grew up being terrified that people would use her grandmother and mother’s illness against her, and I was certain it was the same for the woman in front of me. It was hard to fight against generations of complicated genetics.

“I’m lucky Roan realized something about my situation was fucked up. He persisted in tracking me down at the hospital and saved me. He and Salome got me away from Parker. He refused to drop the charges against him, even with threats from your mother. They held my hands throughout the divorce. They gave me a safe place to hide and heal. They helped me hire a private detective to find my son, and still follow up even though there’s been no hope for years. Both of them stood next to me, a hand on each arm, until I was fully back on my feet. Roan even married me to make absolutely sure Parker had no legal leg to stand on when he came sniffing back around. He still has a no-contact order in place againsthim. Salome always wanted me to go get one as well, but it felt pointless. I never thought a piece of paper would be able to protect me, and I was afraid it would just encourage him to torment me even more.” She shook her head, which brushed her soft hair against my chin. “After today, I think should put one in place for my father. He has a healthy fear of being incarcerated since he’s always been a petty criminal. It might work against him.”

“You never located the baby?” It was stupid to ask. If my mother was involved, the trail would be ice cold. No one knew how to get away with being evil and malicious better than the woman who gave birth to me.

Channing sniffed again and reached for the abandoned wine bottle. “No. It’s like he vanished into thin air. But Ky is the right age, and he looks just like Parker when he was younger. I don’t know what to think.”

I hummed a sound of agreement and shifted my gaze so that I was looking at the glow of the lights from the sprawling city.

“Ky’s family isn’t wealthy. And his appearance simultaneously with your father’s feels orchestrated. This is an area you can’t be rational about, and when it happened, you were on the brink of death and doped up on narcotics. Don’t get your hopes up too high. Let me poke around and try to put the pieces together before you make a move toward that kid.” I wanted to protect her, even more so now that I knew my mother was involved in the coverup. I was silently berating myself for making her live with the woman who constantly dragged her to hell. I’d nearly lost her to my mother more than once.I wasn’t about to let another unknown entity take her away.

Trying to lighten the mood, I teased, “At least I know you married Roan for convenience and not because he was the love of your life. That makes me feel less jealous of all the time you spend with him.”

She moved her head so that she could give me a narrow-eyed look. “I married him because I loved him. He’s endlessly kind and caring. He put the shattered pieces of my heart back together one by one. Sure, our relationship started out as something different, but eventually it settled into a really solid and comfortable marriage. We were a good match.”

That jealousy I just boasted about having control over surged back to outrageous levels. “If it was so easy to be with him, then why did you two split?”

Roan Goodwin owned a blue-collar bar and made a mediocre living. He was a handsome man with an easy-going personality. He didn’t get heated over much and had no problem mingling with any demographic. Exactly like Channing. Their personalities were remarkably similar.

“We split because, while we loved each other deeply, we weren’tin lovewith each other. Staying with someone simply because it’s effortless isn’t the answer.”

It was my turn to let out a dry laugh. “You said being with me is too hard. Does that mean we’re destined to work out if easy isn’t the answer?”

“Smartass.” She used her elbow to dig into my gut, which made me grunt. I kept her held close to my body as she finished chugging the bottle of wine. She wasundoubtedly going to be hungover and emotionally drained tomorrow. I was happy she trusted me enough to be honest. Her history was as complicated and convoluted as mine. She was far tougher than I’d ever been, and my mother was even worse than I imagined.

I hated how impossible it seemed for this woman to care about me the way I did for her. My family did a damn excellent job making sure Channing could never picture happiness and Halliday in the same sentence.

I didn’t know if there was a way to make up for all that she lost at my mother’s hands. But I was making it my mission to try.

Channing

“You look terrible, Aunt Channing. And not your usual, can’t be bothered to put real clothes on, terrible.” Winnie cast a disapproving look at my baggy sweatpants, and oversized hoodie that had a giant hole in the shoulder. I kept the hood up over my messy hair and wore giant black sunglasses to keep my aching eyeballs from falling out of my skull. I was holding on to a massive cup of coffee for dear life and concentrating extra hard on putting one foot in front of the other as I walked with Winnie to a bookstore that was not too far from the brownstone.

“I’m hungover. I had a bit too much fun at your party.” I didn’t mean to blatantly lie to my niece, but I wasn’t ready to pull the Band-Aid off the wound I’d ripped open and bled out for Win last night. Reliving that nightmare once in the last fifteen years was enough. Win and I agreed to only give her the information she needed about Ky until his identity was fully vetted. “How about you? Did you enjoy having an actual party instead of aglorified business meeting to celebrate your birthday?” I battled a jaw-cracking yawn. “Your Uncle Win went all out for you.”

Winnie’s head bobbed in an excited nod. She was practically skipping next to me since she was so full of extra energy.

“It was so much fun. Everyone is still texting and posting about it. They either loved or hated the clowns. I didn’t know so many people think clowns are creepy.”

“Coulrophobia is what a fear of clowns is called. The fear is common enough for it to have a fancy name.” I lifted a hand to rub the center of my aching forehead. “When I worked at the antique shop here in the city, people were always bringing in old dolls painted like clowns. They would clean out a parent’s attic or storage unit and find them. They always said they thought they were haunted.” I smiled at Winnie’s surprised expression. “Half the time I agreed with them. Win’s a genius for figuring out a way to include your dad in a way that he felt comfortable being there.”

Winnie locked her arm with mine, forcing me to move faster. My body screamed at me in protest, but I gritted my teeth and did my best to keep pace with her. Next time I needed to do something else with my sorrows other than drown them. I couldn’t bounce back from chugging an entire bottle of wine — much less two bottles — like I did in my twenties. I was lucky Win put me to bed and took care of me throughout the night. Otherwise, I would’ve passed out on the terrace in a pile of puke and been eaten alive by mosquitos.

“It was the best birthday I can remember. Even if it got interrupted. Was that angry man really my grandfather?”

I hummed. I knew she was going to ask about the intrusion once we were alone. I figured this was the reason she asked me to go to the bookstore with her, instead of taking the opportunity to meet up with friends. I only wished I’d been in a better state of mind to tackle such a complicated conversation.

“Yes, that man is Paul Harvey. Technically speaking, he’s your grandfather. But since he’s never shown any interest in filling that role in your life, he’s more like a bystander. At least, that’s how I always thought of him. He wasn’t around much for me or your mom.” He had a habit of showing up at the worst time and exploiting it to his advantage.

Winnie kicked a small pebble with the toe of her pink sneaker and finally slowed her steps when she noticed I was struggling. “Why was he so angry? I don’t even remember him. He shouldn’t be mad he wasn’t invited to my party. No one knew he wanted to come.”

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