Page 47 of Absentia Mori

He has no fucking idea what he’s talking about. I try to fight the tears, but it’s no use. They spill out like the water from that dirty hose. I turn my head and close my eyes, hoping that when I open them, these monsters will be gone.

Fabien chuckles as he frees my right wrist and ankle. “We did it. We fucking broke her.”

My limbs tingle as the blood rushes back into them. I curl onto my side, covering myself from their view.

I don’t open my eyes as I lay there shivering. I wait for them to walk away before I even attempt to untie my other wrist. The last thing I want is more humiliation.

It takes what feels like forever to get my wet fingers to work. To get a strong enough grip on the ropes. When I’m finally free, I scramble to find my bra and underwear. The straps are torn and my panties are shredded. Fucking asshole ran the hose over them as well. Fuck it. I’ll go back in naked.

I stumble a few times before finding my footing. Fabien’s right. They did break me…

Now they’re about to find out what that looks like. I have nothing tethering me to reality anymore. Nothing holding me back from utter insanity.

With each step I take across the courtyard, I feel more unstable, more unhinged. And all I see is red.

I should go back to my room and barricade the door. I need a hot shower and ointment for my nipples. But as I limp through these deserted halls, the only thing I want is revenge.

Whispers follow me. I can barely make them out at first. But they grow louder with each corridor I turn down. I have one goal, and it’s as if these walls can hear my every thought.

Left.

Right.

Almost there.

I wind around and around, careful to stay out of sight, when I spot an orderly. I dip into a room until they pass. My fury builds. I avoid Dr. Hall’s office and instead head down the opposite hall.

Keep going.

Left, now.

I’m morphing into my pain, becoming one with my ache and my humiliation and this place.

The whispers guide me as I make my way back to the infirmary. The one where Raithe carved his name into my thigh with a scalpel. Images of the life I used to have flash in my mind, fueling my rage.

Memories of masquerade balls and shopping trips and coke-filled parties. I realize that the masks never came off. The ones who I trusted, the ones who surrounded me, were the real devils. They let me fall and fail and, ultimately, led to me being right fucking here in this forsaken place.

No one leaves here. They become ghosts, lost and forgotten to die in their absence. Well, fuck that. I refuse to die here. Not until I take them all out first.

Kitty dashes in front of me. She opens her mouth, and I brace myself for her bloodcurdling scream. But it doesn’t come. “Hurry. They’re coming,” she whispers.

And I know she means Gorman and his filthy lackeys. I shudder as I see the pain in her eyes, feeling every one of her violations in my bones.

I nod and dart past her, glimpsing the door to the infirmary just up ahead. I make a mad dash inside and lock the door behind me. It won’t keep them out, but it will buy me some more time.

My adrenaline races as I glance around the room, burying the memory of Raithe and me fucking on the floor. I ignore my tingling pussy as the thought of being owned by him brings out every feral impulse.

I remember the cabinet with the scrubs and open that up first, quickly finding a pair of green pants and a white tank top. I dress hurriedly as my naked body makes me feel more vulnerable than ever in this room.

I throw open the upper cabinets until I find three sedative-filled syringes. I set them on the counter and stare at them,wondering if I should grab more. But decide against it. The less I have to carry, the better.

My heart races as I scramble through the drawers, my adrenaline spiking again when I wrap my hand around a scalpel. Blood will be spilled tonight, and it’s not going to be mine this time.

Fuck. I wonder if this is how Maureen felt the night she killed Zeke… I understand her more than I ever did before. If I get out of here alive, I will confess everything. Despite her allegiance to Nocturnus, she’s my friend. And I miss her and Villette more than I can fathom. They don’t give a shit what my last name is or who my family is. I should’ve been kinder to both of them.

I shake my head, bringing myself back to the present. But it’s too late. I hear the doorknob jiggle as the key slides into place and unlocks the door.

Fuck.

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