Page 16 of Absentia Mori

I’m still awake as they roll me down the halls. While my limbs get heavier, I can still move my eyes from side to side. I try to take in my surroundings. To remember them.

I know we are at my room when I see Fabien leaning in his doorway. He snickers and grins at me like a cheshire cat. So fucking smug and satisfied with my predicament.

I fucking hate all three of them so much.

Gormon and another orderly lift me up and place me on the bed. I whimper as they strap my arms and legs down.

I breathe a sigh of relief when they leave without touching me.

As I stare up at the ceiling, focusing on the chipped paint, the tears start to fall.

Why hasn’t anyone come looking for me?

I start to think about all the events of this past year. They cycle through my brain like a movie on high speed. The party at Nocturnus when I pissed off Riot for bringing Maureen. The punishment I was given days later for it. I want to punch a hole in the wall when I think about the memory of the initiates’ hands on me while the rest of them watched.

Then there was the night that I fucked Zeke. I never told anyone about that. But it was the only way to keep him from going after Maureen. He promised he would leave her alone. But it was all for nothing because he did it anyway.

And then the guilt settles in again. The shame and guilt from knowing that Jessamine was in on it all along. And I said nothing. I didn’t warn her. It’s the reason why I took off for winter break. Alone. I couldn’t face my friends. Not after what Zeke did to us. Knowing it was partly my fault.

Fuck. I’m such a fucking hot mess. I’m a terrible friend and a horrible person. People think I don’t give a shit, but I do. Yet years of being disappointed by my own family has made me hard and guarded.

I’ve never been good enough for my father. Even after everything I endured for him. Aries has always been the golden child. All the Thorn men are treated like gods, while the rest of us are just their arm candy.

So when I revolted against it, when I stopped eating and taking care of myself, he threw me in a rehab center for six months just so he didn’t have to deal with me.

When I came back, I felt better but still broken. That’s when I discovered pills and alcohol—my two besties that always have time for me.

My father isn’t interested in my brain or my business sense. It was decided at an early age that Aries would be groomed to take over the company. And I was raised to be pretty and obedient so that I could find a wealthy husband. As if we didn’t already have enough fucking money.

What a fucking joke.

My tears turn to sobs as I lay here helpless, trapped, and unable to move a single muscle. I wish my heart were paralyzed too. I wish my soul would just leave my body and be done with me. My brother is the only one who truly loves me. Fuck.Where are you, Aries? I miss you so much.

I cry myself to sleep, dozing in and out of consciousness once the sedative takes full hold of me. At least it drowns out the noise of the asylum. It’s been hours since I’ve heard any bloodcurdling screams.

I don’t know how long I’ve been lying here, but as the moonlight streams through my window, I can feel my limbs again. I wiggle my toes and fingers, breathing in a sigh of relief when they respond to my brain’s signals.

One of the advantages of being immune to poison is that traditional sedatives don’t affect me the same way as other people. It doesn’t last as long. They could be aware of that. It would explain why they’ve drugged me nonstop. I’m not even sure I wish I knew how long I’ve actually been here.

I struggle against my restraints as all feeling returns to my limbs. Now I’m even more panicked. I need to get out of these.

My stomach flips when I hear the locks on my door unlatching. Fuck. Please don’t let it be that fucking orderly.

The door creaks open, and I want to scream. It’s so much worse.

Fabien.

“How the fuck do the three of you have a key to my room?” I blurt out.

He shuts the door behind him, locking us in together. “Luck, I guess. Want one to ours?”

This fucker is a loose cannon. Like an actual nut job. “No. Get out.”

He stalks over, a knife in his hand, and glares down at me. “You have such pretty skin. It’s a shame I’m going to ruin it.”

My stomach knots. “Oh, you’re actually crazy, aren’t you? You belong in here.”

He presses the tip of the blade to my chest. “And you’re a spoiled slut who deserves every fucking thing we’re gonna do to you. You’re never going to see the light of day again.” He pulls down my tank top with the tip of his blade. “And when you’re screaming in the dark, no one will care. No one will come to help you.”

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