Page 36 of Under His Embrace

And until I knew what that was, I refused to completely lower my guard with her and wind up in a horrible position ofwishingshe were the one for me.

She might need me. She might desire me and miss me. I could also swear left and right that she had feelings for me.

But she couldn’t be the one if she lied and hid things from me, right?

16

CHLOE

Islipped underwater, both to avoid continuing this conversation and to cool off. The humidity was so cranked up in this room that I felt overly warm. Or maybe the discomfort of feeling so hot was internal, due to theoh, shitsensation I tried to hide.

Once I surfaced, I realized that the women weren’t satisfied. All three of them looked at me, and I felt horrible to have changed the mood so drastically. In other circumstances, it could’ve felt more like I was hanging around on an ordinary afternoon. Now, it seemed like I’d crashed the party.

“I’m… I’m sorry I mentioned it,” I said, looking at Nina. She seemed the most troubled about the news and I felt like an ass. The last thing any pregnant woman wants to hear is about the loss of a baby, even one that hadn’t developed past a couple of days since conception, according to what my gynecologist told me then. No matter the timing or age or any other details, miscarriages and child loss were serious causes of pain.

Eva frowned, looking off to the side. She was clearly uncomfortable, but Tessa stayed by my side and looked ready to offer me support.

“It’s hard to be a statistic like that,” I told Nina. “But it’s true. So many women suffer from miscarriages and…”Okay, I don’t think I’m helping.

Nina nodded and rubbed her big belly. “I was so, so nervous in the beginning of the pregnancy,” she admitted.

“Did you suffer any difficulties in the first trimester?” I asked.

“Just the usual. Some morning sickness. Fatigue. Danicia and my Ob-Gyn kept telling me that my pregnancy was coming along as expected. No worries. No concerns.”

“But it’s hard to accept that andknowthere’s nothing to worry about,” I commiserated.

“Yeah.” She furrowed her brow. “And now that I’m getting closer to the end, I’m obsessing more about the fear of the actual process of childbirth and all that.”

“I think every woman on the planet feels like that the first time,” I said. I caught myself from saying anything about how scared I was. They were under the impression that I didn’t have a child. They were in the dark about Caleb. I couldn’t offer personal advice or general suggestions and platitudes about childbirth if they didn’t know I had a child. “Every woman probably feels like thatanytime they’re getting ready to have a baby.”

Tessa nodded and smiled. “Yeah. So this one can be a practice round,” she joked with Nina. “Then when Dante knocks you up again, you’ll know what to expect the next time.”

Nina laughed dryly. “No. I don’t think I’ll be in a rush.”

Tessa rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right.”

My nervousness faded the more that the focus shifted to Nina, but Eva brought it all right back to me. “Chloe?”

I faced her, anxious about how closely she looked at me. It felt as though she was searching for a clue on my face.

“This baby you lost. Was it Franco’s?”

I consciously forced myself not to freeze or flinch at her direct question. They were all watching me so seriously that they’d be able to pick up on any tell I might show.

“No.” I swallowed hard, hating myself. Again, it wasn’t a lie. The baby I lost in the early-stage miscarriage wasn’t Franco’s. But it felt like such a crappy coverup to the fact that I did have Franco’s baby.

“I met a guy in college and the condom broke and…” I shrugged as though to show how little it affected me. It did, but it didn’t. I already had Caleb, and the fight that I had to endure to keep him alive and with me was such a horrendous one that the miscarriage for anoopsof a baby with a stranger hadn’t caused too much distress.

“When I went to the doctor’s office after the miscarriage, I debated very strongly about having my tubes tied.” As a single mother, I wanted no chances of another pregnancy any time soon. “They refused to tie my tubes because I was only twenty—too young, according to their policies.”

“Does Franco know about this?” Eva asked.

Shit.She was too damn good and chasing for answers. Eva was observant and quick thinking, so close to being on the right track.

“No.” I shook my head. “It happened after he and I… after we broke up.” More like after I broke up with him, but they didn’t need to know those things to the finer points. “I never thought I’d run into Franco again, especially not like this, and it hasn’t come up.”

The idea of talking to Franco about pregnancies made me sweat. If I were to bring that topic up, it’d be to tell him that I had been pregnant and carried his son.

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