Page 35 of Infinite

“What?”

I wish I could have said he can’t hurt me, because I’m on my own or because he knows better or because he’s a changed man. But my daddy doesn’t change. The world changes for him or else.

I place my hand on Trin’s shoulder when she tries to stand. I don’t want to disturb her precious child and I’ve already upset her enough. “Daddy didn’t beat cancer like he bragged about in the papers last year. And he’s not traveling the world to celebrate like he told anyone who’d listen. He’s home and he doesn’t have much time.”

“Your cousins just got back from Europe,” Trin says. Her voice is quiet. Yet, the doubt I stirred remains. “They travelled with him. It was a family trip.”

“No, on all counts,” I admit. “He sent them and Momma, too. They were assigned to take photos and post them on his behalf like he was with them.” I zip the nylon bag that protects one of my smaller recording devices. “The show I put on for the PR world, where do you think I learned such skills?” I press my palms against the dining room table, wishing it wasn’t so hard to breathe and that for once, the ache my family causes me would lessen. “I learned everything from the best con artist I know.”

“Oh, Becks,” Trin says. “I’m sorry.”

Trin is the best person I know. But she’s not sorry my daddy is dying. She’s sorry about what it will do to me.

Anyone else would remind me that he’s still my father, and that I should make peace with him before it’s too late. A member of the clergy might even encourage me to apologize for being a bad daughter, for not calling, for not obeying like all good children should. Not Trin. As kind as she is, she recognizes poison when she sees it, and she won’t make me take a swallow.

“How did you find out?” she asks.

“My cousin, Matthew, called me. He explained the plan, how they followed it, and how they’re all back now that there’s not much time left. The doctors gave him six months with aggressive chemo. Without it, even less.” I glance at my equipment, but I can’t remember what’s left to do. “Momma let me know when he was first sick.”

Trin rocks her baby when she starts to fuss, but I know Trin well enough to know she’s the one who needs soothing. Trin doesn’t like me hurting. And as much as there were moments in my life I think I could have struck my father, and many more times that I’ve loathed him, it still hurts. My God, it still hurts to lose him.

“I’m surprised your momma would confide in you about his illness,” she tells me gently. “I would have expected him to forbid her from communicating with you.”

“Oh, he forbade her all right. But Momma wouldn’t be Momma without writing the letters that she did blaming me for giving him cancer.”

The color drains from Trin’s face. “She accused you of giving your father cancer?”

“Not exactly.” I glance up in the direction of the terrace, where Sean tosses another block of wood into the fire pit. Callahan and Hale fuss over Cal, Jr., teaching him to make s’mores. I don’t see them as well as I should. Momma’s words have always had that effect on me. “She told me I caused the stress that caused the cancer. I shouldn’t have opened that letter. Or the other three that followed. They were among the worst things I’ve ever read.”

I sigh, a tear escaping my eye. I sort of hear the chair being pushed back, but it’s the embrace and all the love behind it that brings me back to the moment and causes more of my tears to fall.

“That wasn’t okay,” she tells me. “None of it is. Your father’s illness, your mother’s twisted words. Those are their issues. Their truth. But it’s not real and you need to know that.”

“I know I didn’t do this,” I say. “I know they’re wrong and sick people. But what they say and do still affects me.”

“I know, Becks,” she says. “I wanted so much more for you. More kindness. More love. More patience.”

“I wanted all that for me, too,” I agree.

I want to wipe my eyes before anyone else sees me crying. But, for the moment, I simply sink into Trin’s embrace and take in the reprieve it offers.

“I stupidly thought Momma might need help, or that she was the one who was sick, or that maybe she was finally ready to leave him.”

“You’re not stupid, Becks. You just have a big heart and you wanted to believe all the good things about your momma.”

“After all these years, I should have known better, Trin.”

Trin’s eyes glisten. Real friends will never let you cry alone. “There’s no shame in wanting the momma you’ve always needed.”

I kiss the top of her head. “There is, when it leads to this.”

I wipe her tears, leaving mine for last. Now that I’m here in Kiawah, I know there are more to come.

Chapter Eight

Becca

We all have our fill of food and dessert before saying goodbye. Mason and Sean are on the first flight out in the morning. I put in my request for leave. It was denied by the big boss almost immediately. Mr. Singleton informed me I needed to be back tomorrow and that my fiancé would be expecting me.

---