Page 108 of Once Kissed

I sit on the bottom step leading out of the elevated garden area. For all he seems to want to talk, he takes his time. I don’t rush him, just wait. I owe him as much. He angles his chair around so instead of facing me, we’re both looking in the direction of the parking lot, the streetlights casting an odd shade of white against his light skin.

“Do you want to know something about me?” he asks.

I steel myself—expecting him to say he’s getting worse, or that he can’t have kids, or that I screwed him up more than I know. “Yeah. Sure.”

He keeps his sights ahead. “I was supposed to be better than you.”

I frown his way. “What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

He rubs his hands, his expression turning dark despite the glare from the lights. “In the academy, me and the other recruits, all we heard about was you—how fast you moved, what a first-class shot you were, and how your instincts were something they couldn’t teach—an ‘ingrained talent’ one of the trainers called it.” He huffs. “They played you up like you were some sort of god—even the way you wrote up your reports was something they threw in our faces. Your agility, your speed—it wasn’t enough you had the physical shit down. The old-timers made sure to tell us you had the smarts, too—and the rest of us could only be so lucky to sweat in your damn shadow.”

I’m not sure where he’s headed, but I listen, and listen hard.

“Thing was, I was fast, too. I could shoot, and passed my exams like they were nothing. Reports? Hell, they were almost a joke to me. But it wasn’t good enough. Not like the legend of Curran O’Brien,” he says, playing with the brakes on his chair. “The first time I saw you was when you came to do a demo with an assault rifle. By the way the instructors talked you up, I thought you’d walk in wearing a cape or some shit. Do you remember that day you taught us? You remember me?”

I want to say yes, but I don’t want to lie. “No. But I taught a lot of recruits—”

“Save it,” he says, his nostrils flaring. “I hit every target faster and closer to the mark than anyone in my class. Every time I squeezed that trigger I blew my competition away, and you didn’t say shit. Neither did the other trainers. But didn’t the world stop spinning when you showed everyone how it was done.”

“You wanted praise,” I say, thinking I know what he means.

“No. I wanted recognition for how good I was, because I deserved it.” It’s what he says, but something in the memory makes him lower his head. “Instead, you moved on to those who were struggling, instead of commending those who got it right the first time around. Maybe I impressed myself, and maybe a few others there, too, but I sure as hell didn’t impress the one guy I thought I should,you.”

“Why’d you care what I thought?” I’m not just blowing smoke. I honestly don’t know where he’s going with this.

“I told you: because I was supposed to be better than you. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself….”

Joey stares out into the deserted lot, where an old rusty Buick is parked in the corner. “I think everyone knew how good I was,” he says. “But where they saw confidence in you, they found arrogance in me. I was placed with you for a reason. So maybe one day, I could be better. The thing was, since I wasn’t impressed by you, I didn’t see it for the gift the higher-ups meant it to be.”

I don’t move, mostly because the claws ripping their way down to my soul won’t let me.

“You know why I’m stuck in this chair?” he asks, his voice cracking.

Christ.I look hard at the pavement, realizing he’s crying. “Because I didn’t do my job,” I admit.

“No,” he gasps, trying to speak. “It’s because I didn’t do mine.”

I turn in his direction, watching the tears pour out of him like a faucet.

“When you went to cuff that perp, I housed my weapon instead of covering you. I was rolling my eyes at how you were taking your time talking him down—thinking you were nothing but a pussy when you yelled ‘Gun!’ The first shot was meant for you and it just missed your head. I barely had time to yank my piece out of my holster. But as fast as I was, I wasn’t fast enough.” Joey breaks down then, his voice forcing its way through his sobs. “I’m sorry. Jesus Christ, Curran, I’m so fucking sorry….”

Tess

I lift my phone to check the time. Declan is worn out and starting to make his exit, and Curran still hasn’t shown.

Finn’s whistle has me looking to the door. “You girls ready?” he calls.

I lift my purse and weave my way through the crowd with Wren at my heels. We join her brothers minus Curran at the door. “Any word from Curran?” Killian asks me.

“No. I’m not sure what’s keeping him.”

Declan places his arm around me and leads me forward. “Come on. I’ll take you to my place so you won’t be alone. We can wait for him there.” He turns before leaving and waves, inciting the crowd who gathered to cheer.

Seamus laughs as we step out. “Yo. Attention Philly and all your lowly inhabitants—even youz all the way in Kensington!” he yells. “May I present the one and only Declan O’Brien, your future king and possibly the best-dressed male outside of Lower Merion Township!”

“Fuck off,” Declan says, shoving him back and joining the others in their laughter.

I used to think Declan was so staid and proper. But in his family’s presence, I see the roughhousing Philly boy Curran’s always described. Although Declan’s more serious in a professional atmosphere, I’m glad he’s finally comfortable enough around me to show this side.

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