Page 31 of Feel Me

Her expression crumbles and at once she’s sobbing into her hands. I motion to Brenda. She hurries forward and places an arm around her. Thankfully, Jennifer welcomes the contact.

“I’ll be over here,” I mouth to Brenda, pointing to the small seating area.

She nods, but in many ways she’s also in bad shape. Brenda is really smart and gentle, but I’m uncertain she’ll last in SACU.

I take a seat on the bench and remove my hearing aids, trying to give myself a break from the constant assault of noise. The abrupt silence should scare me, and sometimes it’s extremely jarring. Today I welcome it, taking a moment to breathe as I scan the packed area.

Tess is pleading out her first case involving a teen perpetrator. The defendant is young, about sixteen, but taller than she and a great deal more imposing. It explains Curran’s presence, as well as the deputies loitering a few feet away eyeing her closely.

Detective Melo and Hernandez are also here, dealing with separate cases neither seem happy about.

Despite all the obvious tension, Declan’s arrival makes me smile. He marches toward me. I’m not sure if he’s going to pass or stop and chat. I hope it’s the latter. Given everything that’s happened with Dad, and everything going on in the office, there’s very little that makes me happy anymore.

Dad’s surgery went as well as could be expected, but that isn’t saying much. I lost it when the surgeon told me about the mass she discovered on his liver. If it hadn’t been for Declan arriving at the hospital, I don’t think I would have stopped crying that night. Like always, he appeared when I needed him most.

I sigh, thinking back to my dad. As soon as he gets stronger, he’ll start chemo. The doctor hopes it will help shrink the tumor so she can remove it. But that means another surgery, and I’m unsure how much more my poor Daddy can take.

At least three times a week, I visit him after work, then spend the weekend catching up on everything I’ve put off to be with him.

He always meets me with a brave face, joking that I need to get a life. I don’t tell him that a life without him is one I don’t want to know. Goodness, there’s been little to smile about.

Except around Declan.

“Hi,” I say, when he lowers himself beside me.

“How’s it going?” he asks. I can’t hear him, but I read his lips without much effort.

“It’s going,” I say, struggling to keep my smile professional.

Since Declan asked me out, we’ve kept our talks cordial. Well, at least I have. In truth, he’s been absolutely, panty-singeing, good-God-I want-to-kiss-him flirtatious. I’ve tried to dismiss it as something he does with everyone, but I’m no longer sure.

He frowns when he sees me holding my hearing aids. “Too loud?” he asks, lifting his chin so I have a view of his mouth and that face that’s appeared in my dreams.

“Yes,” I admit. I can hear myself speak, but not much else. It’s a good thing right now, the absence of sound helping me settle.

“What are you doing here?” I ask.

He tilts his head in Tess’s direction. “Watching out for my own.”

I pause when I realize he’s only mouthing and not speaking. Since it involves Tess, perhaps he wants to be discreet given his role. The way he moves his full lips, though, is a bit of a turn on, and so is the way he’s taking me in.

I tell myself he’s only being friendly, no matter how much I’m enjoying the attention and despite that I no longer think Declan and I are just friends. We haven’t acted on our feelings. But with each day that passes and moments spent with him, makes it harder for me to keep my distance.

“It looks like she has a good handle on it,” I say.

“She does,” he agrees. “But this little bastard is too volatile for his own good. We’re pushing for a psych eval. Tess isn’t budging until she gets it.” He glances over to where poor Brenda continues to try to reason with Jennifer. “How’s it going over there?”

“I don’t think she’s going to testify,” I admit.

He shakes his head. “Ramirez has been working his ass off on this case. It’s not going to mean jack if she doesn’t step up. Did you try talking to her?”

“I did, but I don’t have a rapport with her and she shut me out.”

“I wish we could make her. But labeling her a hostile witness isn’t going to help.”

“No,” I agree. “Our side will just be taking on the role of her abuser.”

He watches her for a beat. “If she could just get away from this idiot, she could have a fresh start,” he says.

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