“Last night, I was scared, too, despite how willing I was,” I confess. I adjust my arms over the railing. “Besides, it is going to be my first time, withhim.”
“But you know what to do, right?” she asks.
“In theory. I mean, I’m no virgin. And I’m not going to pretend like I didn’t have sex with Hunter for two years. But Callahan is a man capable of making me orgasm with our clotheson. He knows how to make me feel good. I’m not so sure I can do the same for him.”
“Trin, you gave it right back the other day when you pulled down his shorts. You told me so yourself.”
I laugh. “No, more like you dragged it out of me.”
She bats her hands. “Oh, details, details.”
Which was exactly what she had demanded. I didn’t share much, but she understood what I’d done well enough.
She twists her back and leans against the railing. “What is it about him that worries you so much?”
I stare out to the ocean, trying to word my thoughts so they actually make sense. “For starters, I thought I knew and felt passion. When I’ve had sex in the past it’s been . . . nice.”
“Nice?”
I raise my eyebrows. “You’ve described it the same way.”
She fixes me with one of her slyer grins. “I’m a southern lady. ‘Nice’ is the polite way of saying I didn’t fall asleep or think about what I was going to buy online during the experience.”
“Yeah. Tell me about it.” I roll my eyes, remembering, but then I pause, thinking about my brief yet very intimate experiences with Callahan. “I’d never describe what’s happened between me and Callahan as ‘nice.’”
“No?” she teases.
Oh, no. “But as amazing as it was, I couldn’t help but think of Hunter.”
“What?” she practically screeches. “Why on earth would you be thinking about Sponge Bob when you’re getting naked with Hercules?”
I nudge her. “I didn’t. But afterward, I couldn’t help it . . . just not in the way that you’re imagining.”
“Then kindly explain. Because when it comes to Callahan and Hunter there simply is no comparison.”
She’s right. To a point. “Becca, look, as much as I don’t want to, I can’t help wondering if I’d been a better lover, Hunter wouldn’t have looked elsewhere.”
“Trin, Hunter is an asshole. Instead of looking at you, the way he should have, he was always preoccupied making sure everyone else was looking at him. He’s an arrogant son of a bitch who felt he could have anyone. If it hadn’t been that slut Blakeney, it would have been someone else.”
“Maybe. Maybe not, Becks. But there’s a difference between getting someone off, and rocking someone’s world. You’ve told me so yourself. Hunter most certainly didn’t rock my world, county, or even my zip code. So how can I be sure he didn’t feel the same way about me?”
“Callahan intimidates you, doesn’t he?” she asks gently.
“Yeah,” I answer quietly. “I don’t want to embarrass myself.”
“Are you planning on juggling sex toys while dressed up like Elvis?”
I laugh. “Ah, no. That wasn’t the plan.”
“Then you won’t embarrass yourself,” she tells me.
“I’m not so sure.”
She pushes my hair back and considers me. “Trin, you’re one of the most fearless people I know—whether you believe so or not. What is it about Callahan that has you all aflutter? And don’t tell me it’s the sex, because I know you well enough to know there’s more to it.”
“Callahan’s special, Becks. I think . . .”I nibble on my bottom lip, wrestling with whether I should come clean, and more than a little nervous to do so.
“You think what?”