Page 56 of Inseverable (Carolina Beach)

I’m so screwed in the head I couldn’t give Trin the one thing she wanted. Hell, the one thing we both wanted.

The last thing I remember was holding her close as I did my bestnotto remember. Despite the CD she’d brought me, nothing could drown out the explosions ingrained in my memories. They banged around my skull like falling bowling balls, keeping me from touching her like I wanted to.

The blasts I heard were reminiscent of the day that missile struck the Range Rover Billy was in. The damn thing detonated right in front us. If it hadn’t been for Darton at the wheel of our vehicle, we would’ve hit our fellow Rangers head on and joined them in the afterlife.

Darton maneuvered our SUV behind a crumpled old structure, shielding us from incoming fire. We split up, hitting the ground running. Some ran to pull Billy out and sort through the unmoving bodies trapped inside. The rest of us were supposed to cover them. Instead we lost our shit. We didn’t fire, we didn’t cover. What we did was shoot anyone stupid enough to cross us.

I killed eleven men in under thirty minutes. One after the other like some kind of twisted carnival game I couldn’t possibly win, but continued to play. Nothing stood in my way. No mercy, no conscious,nothing.

I aimed. I fired. I sent those bastards straight to hell. And considering what I did, and how I did it, I know one day I’ll meet them there.

I lean against the dresser and grind my teeth. Last night was four kinds of fucked up. A mix of beauty and ugly. Peace and violence.

Trin stood before me, her body pure and untouched by the trials and vices of life. But I couldn’t taint her with the sin I’d committed and was reliving. I didn’t want to see her perfect face, while the imperfections of my life poked at my soul and reminded me of the deeds I’d done. And I didn’t want to touch her with those same hands that aimed that rifle and took all those lives.

Not then.

She cried, like she thought I didn’t want her. But she’s all I ever wanted, even though I never knew it.

I flop back down on the bed and adjust the pillow behind my head. Despite our rough night, I can’t help laughing when I think about how she used to bug the ever lovin’ shit out of me. And how the day she first ran with me on the beach, I actually tried to runawayfrom her.

My smile vanishes. Now all I want to do is run to her, lift her in my arms, and not think about ever letting go. When she’s not with me, it’s like something important is missing from my life, like air?no, not air, more like sunshine. She’s my brightness, my light, even though I never intended her to be.

I tuck my hands behind my head, staring at the silver ceiling fan I installed the previous week. I’m not sure what’s happening between me and Trin. I just know it extends past the way we’ve kissed and touched. While I wasn’t prepared to feel what I’m feeling, or how quickly it’s happened, I can’t deny what this woman means to me.

Christ. Whatever this thing is that Trin and I have, it’s serious. I may not have wanted it, looked for it, and tried to shove it away. But it’s definitely something I don’t want to be without.

And I plan to show her tonight.

“Here you go, Mr. Perrington.” I slide the crazy old coot his shot of Captain Morgan so he can take his “vitamin” as he calls it.

He raises his glass and grins. “Much obliged, Spanky.”

I cringe at the name, but don’t correct him. If he keeps taking that damn blue pill and meeting up with the widow Levine like he’s been doing, the poor bastard doesn’t have a lot of years left.

My hand snags a beer mug to fill. I’m waiting on Trin. I sent her a text telling her to stop by after her shift. Aside from a reply back saying she would, I haven’t heard from her.

We ate the grilled cheese she made last night in bed. I focused on chewing and sipping the soup so I wouldn’t have to look at her small sad face. Every few breaths, I stole glimpses her way. She didn’t take my rejection well, even though I tried to cushion it for the both of us.

Sean slides into the empty bar stool beside old man Perrington and places a set of empty pitchers in front of me. “Thanks, Callahan,” he says when I set them beneath the tap to fill. “How you doing, Mr. Perrington?” he asks him.

“Real good,” Mr. Perrington answers, smiling when the widow Levine saunters in wearing her best Sunday dress. He slips off the stool. “I’m going to get me some tonight.”

Yes, he is, based on that limp that has nothing to do with his bad knee. He shuffles toward the widow Levine who’s pretending not to notice him.

“Remind me never to ask him how he’s doing,” Sean says. He makes a face. “Now all I can picture is loose skin flapping in the wind when he fucks her.”

This time, I’m the one making a face. “Come on, Sean. Did you have to share that?”

“Just get me a shot of whisky so I can clear all that creepy Grandpa sex out of my head,” he says. He reaches for the shot I pour him, but pauses before taking a sip. “You don’t think he goes down on her, do you?”

“Christ, Sean,” I say. “Just drop it already.”

“Cause she’s had like seven kids,” he says, ignoring me. “I hear she was some kind of dancer in her day, but I don’t think that shit stays the same after seven kids no matter how good you can tap dance.” He tosses back the shot and glances at Mr. Perrington again. I make the mistake of looking up in time to see the old timer’s hand disappear under the table and widow Levine jerk up, giggling like a naughty teen.

Sean and I exchange glances. “I’m going to need another one,” he tells me.

Hell, I might need one, too.

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