Page 25 of Taking Root

“I’ll get the confession out now,” he announced, hooking his thumbs into the belt loops of his jeans. “Today was a fresh slice of hell at work, and I forgot about tonight. I planned on cooking dinner, but that got torched, so pizza is on the way.”

“Thank god,” Danny burst out, slipping beside him to stroll down the corridor. “Not about your day—that sucks. But damn, Dukas, you’ve gone above and beyond every time we go out, and I’m getting performance anxiety. I’d love to chill in your kitchen or on your couch with some pizza. I left the six-pack I brought on your counter.”

Adrian slipped an arm around her waist as they walked toward his kitchen. The feel of her soft skin brushing against him drove him crazy. Their makeout sessions kept getting longer each time they met up, but then the hour would get too late, some interruption would happen, and they never pushed past that. Based on the heat in her eyes, Danny seemed to burn with the same need commanding him.

Tonight they had privacy, and the weight settled between them. Each glance was loaded, and he had a semi from the moment she walked in through the door. He wanted to throw her on his bed and have his way with her until her cries reverberated around his room. Yet in the wake of this day, his chest was a jumble of animalistic need and open wounds. No matter how they collided together, she still held back around him.

He wanted her unrestrained and real.

She leaned into his embrace, tilting her head to press her lips to his. Adrian deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue into her hot, ready mouth. She tasted sweet and tart, like raspberries, and his fingertips traveled along her chin before sliding down her neck. Danny leaned into him, a sinful moan escaping her, the sound traveling straight to his cock. His grip around her waist tightened, and he hardened as she melted against him like they were back at the club, drunk on lust.

Maybe he could turn off all the shit swirling around in his brain for a little while. All the worries, the fears, and the haunting memories from work. Stuff it into the box where he smashed away the rest of the junk he wouldn’t burden others with.

Maybe they could fuck hard and fast the rest of the night, a tangle of limbs, sweat, and need. Ignoring the emotions they were both running from.

Except he wasn’t programmed that way, even on the worst of days.

The doorbell rang, and Adrian pulled away, the soft sigh of hers a puff against his lips. The heavy-lidded look she gave him was doused in lust, an inferno begging to be lit, and his libido screamed at him to satisfy.

“Looks like the pizza’s here,” he said, stepping away from her. He snagged his wallet from the kitchen counter where he’d left it as he headed toward the front door. The bell rang again before he could grab the knob, and when he opened it, the savory scents of sauce and piping hot cheese greeted him. His stomach rumbled in response.

“Here,” Adrian said, passing over the cash for the pie as he swapped with the lanky guy holding the cardboard box with a disinterested look on his face.

The door clicked as he shut it and carried the pizza down the hall toward the kitchen. Danny already waited for him there, standing behind his kitchen island and searching in the drawers around the counter.

“What are you looking for?” he asked, placing the box between them.

She didn’t respond, just kept perusing through the top drawers until an “Aha!” came from her. Danny lifted the bottle opener and cracked into the first of the IPAs she’d brought. She passed it on over to him.

“Try it,” she said. “I’m hoping it’ll go with pizza.”

He grabbed plates for them and settled onto the barstool around his kitchen island, one he used far more often than the big cherrywood table he bought on a whim for the dining room. At the time, he’d hoped Betty would start trying for a kid with him after they got married, and the tradition of big family dinners could continue. Now, looking at the massive table stabbed him in the chest. Even now, having dinner in his house with a woman he adored, he couldn’t be further from the future he hoped for.

One of these days she’d vanish again, and he’d be left with no answers. All the potential growing between them would shatter to the ground, and he’d be left alone again. Life was too short to waste on a future that couldn’t exist.

He took a bite into his pepperoni pizza, but it tasted like ash on his tongue. The sight of Nivea’s eyes going blank haunted him, the light dimming from them as he failed to save her. Adrian took a swig from the IPA, but even beer didn’t offer a wash of relief.

“Match made in heaven,” Danny said, lifting the slice of pizza she just bit into. She chewed thoughtfully, casting more than a couple of glances in his direction. Yeah, he was shit company today. He felt like an idiot for believing he could somehow break past the walls she put up, because right now the superficial way she danced around from light topic to light topic itched under his skin.

Danny’s brows furrowed when he didn’t respond, and she placed her slice on the plate. “Hey, I know you said it was a rough day at work. Did you want to talk about it?”

God, he did. And she’d been amazing about Betty. However, every time he gave another piece of himself and got nothing back, it scraped away at his insides. Adrian shook his head. “Not unless you want to share on your end.”

Danny scowled and tipped back her beer. “Look, you know I can’t. Fuck, Adrian, if I could, believe me, you’d be the one person I would tell.”

His chest strained from this maelstrom, too much wanting to explode from him, and his grip tightened on the bottle. “Well then, what are we even doing?”

Once the words left his lips, he wanted to steal them back. Danny reared as if he’d slapped her. Her green eyes flashed, not with anger but a sadness so profound he wouldn’t be able to talk himself out of that one.

“It’s been a shit day,” he tried to justify. “I should’ve called you and cancelled because I wasn’t in the right headspace.”

Danny shook her head. Her eyes grew glassy, but not a drop spilled out. “No, you’re right. Adrian, from the beginning of this we both knew you couldn’t do casual, and that’s all I’ll ever be.” Her tone remained firm as anything even as her words came out robotic and forced, like she kept this line prepared from the moment they started seeing each other.

After all, she’d been planning on leaving him from the start.

“Why do you push people away?” He couldn’t help himself. Nothing added up. Every moment he spent with Danny, she fell into patterns with him, their communication constant, but he caught the lonely glances and her occasional slips. “Fuck, it’s not like you’re some criminal on the run. What is so bad you can’t talk about it with anyone?”

Danny let out a laugh so acidic it would’ve corroded metal. “Sometimes you aren’t given a choice. I warned you from the start, and obviously, this isn’t something you can handle.”

The way she stood there, shoulders squared and braced for a fight, killed him. The loneliness in her eyes sometimes faded when they were together, but other times she looked like she might be crushed under the weight of the emotions coursing through them. Danny awakened a yearning he hadn’t felt in far too long, but even worse, hope unfurled like crocuses in early spring even as he’d tried to talk himself down.

Adrian let out a shaky breath, trying to compose himself. This had never been just about him, though. It had been a mutual arrangement for running from their demons.

“Danny, we’re this close to something amazing, but as much as I want to, I can’t keep giving you my truth when you’re keeping part of yourself behind a wall. And if it was a matter of patience, I’d wait forever for you. You know that.” He started, not knowing where he went, just knowing he didn’t want this to end. She’d offered freedom for the first time in far too long.

“I know,” was all she said as she stood and grabbed her purse from the counter. Before he could say anything else and before he could continue their conversation, she strode to the hallway. Adrian followed her in time to watch her walk out the door.

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