Page 26 of Captured Memories

“I don’t know how you can forgive me when I haven’t forgiven myself,” he murmured, staring at the asphalt beneath him. He sucked in the last drag of his cigarette, crushing the end under his boot. His heart pounded so loud it competed with the traffic, and the itch to find another bar or hit the liquor store up the street rose with every uncomfortable second he faced his demons.

Zane didn’t dare look at Lex—couldn’t stand judgment or pity right now when he wanted to drown these shitty feelings in an endless glass of bourbon. He could picture the disappointment lining Sampson’s face when he slipped again and again. His throat tightened. He didn’t even want to imagine how his lapses would devastate Liv over time. How he’d destroy her life as sure as he’d ruined his own.

Lex came over to sit beside him, even though the proud motherfucker couldn’t meet Zane’s eyes. The close proximity was familiar, despite the years and anger separating them for so long. “What you did in the bar was shitty, sure. Fucked up, definitely. But the way Jay hurt his girls while I just laughed his talk off? I can’t help but think that out there, Liv’s rapist was bullshitting with his guys the day after he ruined my sister’s life. And yeah, I’d want to punch the guy until he stopped breathing, too.”

Zane tried to ignore the heat stinging his eyes at the understanding he never dreamed he’d get. At the friend he’d sorely missed all these years. He flicked his Bic and lit another cigarette, taking a drag to steady himself. With the flood of emotions he’d been wrestling with from the second he opened his eyes, the familiar urge for a drink rode him in a fiercer way than normal. However, his empty pocket fought those urges—he needed to earn his chips back, one step at a time, the way he had when he’d first started this journey.

“You know I’d never hurt your sister, right?” Zane said, his voice coming out hoarse. He didn’t dare look at Lex, because the tide begged to break, and he sure as hell wouldn’t crumble in front of him. “She’s the first person in a long while who’s given me an ounce of hope. She could leave me, break my heart, do whatever she needs to. What’s most important to me is Liv’s happiness.”

Lex snorted. “Man, now you’re really making me feel like an ass. I should’ve come and confronted you about this years ago. Holding the grudge took some effort.”

Zane shrugged and tapped the ash from the end of his cigarette onto the asphalt. “It’s like the guys at my meetings say—you can’t force progress. Everything has a time and a season. If you’d tried to rush things this conversation wouldn’t be genuine and we’d do more damage than good.”

Lex heaved a sigh and scratched the nape of his neck. “Still, a decade’s a lot of wasted years.” He glanced to Zane at last, the apology clear in his eyes. Like his sister, Lex couldn’t conceal his emotions worth a damn. Zane ran a hand through his tangled strands, the strain in his chest dissipating at the honest conversation he’d longed to have for so long with his former best friend.

“All it took was me tapping your sister to bridge that divide,” Zane shot back with a smirk before he could help himself, falling into older patterns.

Lex’s gaze flared, and Zane swallowed. Shit.

Except, when Lex opened his mouth, he shut it a second later. And in that moment, the bristling indignation dissolved, and a sharp laugh erupted from him. Lex shook his head as his laughter increased until his shoulders shook. Zane’s grin spread, his chest warming with amusement. Childish and stupid, sure, but they hadn’t joked in years, and hell on earth, it felt good.

“You fucking asshole,” Lex said, dropping a lazy punch to Zane’s arm.

Zane shrugged and took another drag from his cigarette, staring at the bright sky overhead. For the first time in a while, those sunbeams warmed him to the core.

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