Page 70 of Merry Little Hate Notes

Only she could make me smile, here in this place.

Hesitantly, I approached, pulling Holly to me, wrapping my arms around her from behind. I needed her to help me stand on this sacred piece of ground. I breathed in the scent of the fabric softener that lingered on her beanie, not able to take my eyes off Christian’s name.

“Damn you, Christian, for leaving us. You don’t know how much I blame myself for your death. If I could go back and do it all over, I would never have let you go on the slopes that day. I’m sorry I didn’t stop you. I love you, brother.” My voice quavered.

Holly clung tighter to my arms, lending me strength for what I needed to say next. “Christian, I can’t change what happened to you, but I hope I can change the other biggest regret in my life. I wish I had been man enough to tell you the truth a long time ago. But I’m telling you now.” I secured my hold on Holly and took in a deep breath.

“The truth is, I didn’t kiss Holly on a dare. I only told you that because you caught us and I wanted to save our friendship, even though you punched me for kissing your sister.”

Holly giggled. “He did?”

“Twice.”

“Hmm. I like it. Continue.”

I found her reaction odd. Where was the anger? Why didn’t she punch me? How did she know there was more? I didn’t know what else to do, so I kept on going. “Christian, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to break my promise to never touch or look at Holly. To be honest, I’ve never been able to keep that promise. From the first time I met Holly, all I’ve wanted to do is look at her, even though she annoyed the hell out of me at times.”

Holly laughed and gently elbowed me. “Hey, you were the annoying one.”

“We can argue about that later.” I turned her toward me until our eyes met. “Holly, why don’t you hate me right now?” I was so confused.

Her eyes danced with a smile almost as big as the one on her perfect face. “Um ... well ... I don’t know how to say this, but I ... uh ... heard yourWhy Brandon Is an IdiotTED Talk when we were in Aspen?”

My jaw dropped, floored by this news. “Youwere awake?”

“For the entire thing,” she admitted.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” For weeks she’d known, and I’d been dancing around the truth, making up lame excuses not to be alone with her. And she obviously knew about my mom, and all the team-building exercises, and why I wrote the hate notes.

“Well, first I needed to digest your TED Talk. You big-bang-theoried my world. Then, once I came to terms with it, it didn’t seem right to tell you because the things you said were of a sensitive nature and I wasn’t sure it was fair I knew until you were ready to tell me. And ...,” she sang, “I kind of enjoyed torturing you. I mean, you have to admit you deserved it for lying to me all these years.”

“I don’t know if I should shake you or kiss you right now,” I half growled.

“You should definitely kiss me.” She held up a finger. “But first you should tell me how you feel.”

I grabbed her coat and yanked her close enough that our lips almost met. I shook my head at her; she was going to be the death of me. But what a way to go. “You ruined my plan.”

“And what plan was that?”

It made no sense now to go over the plan. Might as well get to the good part. “Take the note out of your pocket and read it.”

She fished the note out of her pocket and read it out loud. “You are the happy to my holiday, jingle to my bells, nut to my cracker, fruit to my cake, present under my tree, wish to my star, home for my holiday, candy to my cane, kiss under the mistletoe, holly to my jolly, winter to my wonderland, ginger to my bread, milk to my cookie, joy to my world, star to my tree, love of my life,” she cried.

“That’s how I feel about you.”

“Did you google this?” She laughed through her tears.

“Yes,” I begrudgingly admitted. “But I mean every word. Holly, I love you. I’ve always loved you.” I laid it all on the line, trying to right my wrongs.

“I think you should read the note in your pocket.”

As quickly as I could, I reached into my coat, desperate to get my lips on hers. I read the words. “I know no ways to mince it in love, butdirectly to say, ‘I love you.’” The note slipped from my hands. “You love me?”

She lifted on her tiptoes and whispered against my lips. “I’ve hated you. I’ve loved you. But more importantly, I’ve missed you, and I don’t want to do that ever again. You’re a part of me.”

“I’m not going anywhere. Happy birthday, Holly.” My lips landed on hers, and their velvety touch felt just as incredible as it had fourteen years ago. Maybe even better now that I knew this wasn’t a goodbye kiss. Slowly, my lips moved over hers, savoring every touch while begging for a deeper taste. Her lips parted, teasing me to take what she was offering. It was more than just a taste of her—it was her heart and soul. I would gladly take them both. Although, I couldn’t refuse tasting her once again. My tongue rediscovered every part of her mouth while Holly gripped my coat as if hanging on for the ride of her life. After exploring her mouth, I moved my lips across her cheek and over to her ear. I playfully nipped her lobe and nuzzled her neck.

Before I could whisper all the things I’d wanted to say to her fourteen years ago during our first kiss, Christian’s headstone caught my eye.I hope one day you’ll forgive me for breaking my promise to you. Maybe you can settle for a new promise. How about this? I promise to always love your sister and make sure her dreams come true.

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