Page 62 of Merry Little Hate Notes

Oh, the charts had so many things to say about this. It wasn’t good. “But what if—”

“Holly,” Dad warned. “You need to start thinking about yourself. About your dreams.”

I laughed miserably. “I don’t know if I will ever see my dreams come true.”

“You don’t watch them happen—you make them happen, no matter the obstacles, because there will always be some when you are on the right track. Is there any chance you can get this account to close?”

“I don’t know.” Brandon had mentioned that sometimes this was a tactic to get a better deal. “Weirdly, the CEO offered me a job.”

“Really? Are you interested in leaving Elevate?”

“Yes,” I uneasily admitted. “But I don’t know that I want to work for Blake Vanderbilt.” She hadn’t given me warm and fuzzy vibes. I wasn’t sure I could be part of another girl gang. Jane might hurt me if she found out I’d moved on from hers.

“What do you want to do, then?”

“That’s the thing. I don’t know,” I whimpered.

Dad paused before he carefully said, “I think you do. You’ve known since you were old enough to read your mother’s law books.”

I tensed at just the mention of my mother. It was a rare occasion when we spoke about her. “I can’t be a lawyer,” I stammered.

“Why not, Holly?” Dad kissed my head.

“Because she left us,” my voice and heart cracked.

“No. She left me. Not you.”

“She left me too because I knew—” My hand flew over my mouth before I said the thing—the big thing I’d been keeping from my dad for years. The thing I feared would drive him to spiral out of control again.

Dad leaned away from me and removed my hand from my mouth. He studied me thoughtfully as the creases in his forehead deepened. His wise, concerned eyes spoke of how sorry he was. “My dear daughter, how long have you known about your mother’s affair?”

My jaw fell open. What? “How long haveyouknown?” That was the better question.

“Since it happened, your junior year. Although your mother denied it, I’m not that much of a fool.”

“But you never said anything.”

“I didn’t want you to hate her any more than you already did. Hate does terrible things to people. I know that better than anyone.”

“You don’t hate people.”

“I wish I could claim that, but I hate one person.” He pointed at his chest. “Myself.”

“You do?” My heart broke.

“I hate myself for spending so much time away from my family while traveling the world on what I thought were my greatest adventures, when the greatest one was at home.”

“I never thought of you as always being gone or neglecting us.” He always tried to take us on trips when he could during our summer breaks.

“That’s because it’s all you knew. But your mother knew differently and wanted more. She was often lonely and felt like she came second to my work. And perhaps she did at times. I was full of hubris.”

“But you were so in love.” I don’t remember them ever disagreeing in front of Christian or me. This information was blowing my mind.

“We were in love. But a relationship needs more than love. It needs time and priority. I wasn’t good at that,” Dad sighed regretfully.

“That doesn’t mean she should have cheated on you,” I said indignantly on his behalf.

“I think she would agree with you.”

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