Page 18 of Merry Little Hate Notes

Oh, she had no idea, and I wouldn’t tell her so, but dang, it was kind of hot. I hated myself for these thoughts. I hated the man more. “I was thinking more like annoying. The Amy-Rita-Joel saga is heating up and now I might not find out what HR has to say about it because I can’t hang out in the bathroom anytime I want. And there are rumors that Amy is willing to give Joel another chance. Rita will not be happy about that. Not to mention there’s a secret bracket going around to find out which men in our office are everyone’s top picks to kiss under the mistletoe. Think March Madness, but they’re calling it Mistletoe Manness. Apparently, the pool of money is pretty serious, but you can only play it in the bathroom.”

“And I thought the gym drama was spicy. I think I want to come work with you.”

“It’s only lively in the bathroom.” I smiled to myself.

“Sodoes this mean Brandon doesn’t have some evil plan to not close any deals?”

I leaned my head against the cold driver’s-side window, wet with condensation. “I don’t know,” I whined. The notes tell me he’s up to something—I just can’t figure out what. “Actually, I might have to go on a business trip with him.”

“What!” Carmen almost broke my eardrum.

I held the phone away from my ear. “I wasn’t expecting this. At all. What am I going to do? It would mean going to Aspen with him, which means driving in the mountains in the winter, which you know is a no for me.” Oh, I had so many charts about the dangers of winter driving in the mountains. There was a lot of riding and dying in them. Not to say I hadn’t been to the mountains in the wintertime. But that was a long time ago when I was normal and happy, like really happy, before I knew life could be so cruel.

In fact, our family had vacationed with the Cassidys in Aspen on a few occasions. It’s where I learned to ski and where I learned that winter sports weren’t for me unless you counted sipping peppermint hot cocoa in the lodge. I was a world-class athlete at that. And there was the fact my brother died on a ski slope. It hadn’t been in Aspen, but we would have to drive by the ski resort where my life had irrevocably changed. Where Holly Hollydays died a painful death along with my family.

“Relax and breathe through your nose,” Carmen tried to help me calm down.

I closed my eyes and did as she asked. “But if this account closes, it would mean we could live our Monica and Rachel lives.”

“You have to do it, then. Please,” she pleaded.

“I know,” I whispered. It was time for me to move on with my life. I knew that. But why did Brandon have to play a part in it? And why the snowy mountain roads?

“You are the bravest person I know. You can do this.”

“I don’t feel brave at all.”

“Are you kidding me? After what you’ve done for your dad and being able to live a different life than you’re used to? Chica, I wouldhave died a long time ago if I had to buy bargain toilet paper and peanut butter. I’m just saying, you’re a hero.”

I laughed. “I’m not sure my bargain-shopping, coupon-clipping ways are heroic.”

“Well, giving up your own life to save your dad’s is.”

My eyes welled up with tears, and the words I wanted to get out got caught in my throat. I never thought of myself as a hero. I just did what I had to do not to lose one more person I loved.

“So go be brave one more time, Holly. A business trip to Aspen with Brandon is nothing compared to what you’ve already done.”

Huh. When she said it like that, it totally made sense. It would be one very uncomfortable day in my life, but that day could lead to better days. How hard would it be to spend a day with the boy I’d daydreamed about marrying and having three daughters with, but who had instead broken my heart?

“You’re right. I’m going to be brave. Which reminds me, I should probably head into work.”

“You got this. Go close that deal and show that sexy man who’s the boss.”

Ugh. He was too sexy for my own good. “I’ll do my best. Have fun with Marco. Bye.”

“Oh, I will,” she trailed off before hanging up.

That left me to brave work once again. I couldn’t believe it was only Wednesday. This was the longest workweek of my life. Especially since I was having delusions that Brandon and I had shared a little moment the day before when he said he didn’t celebrate Christmas either. Something in the way he looked at me—it was like he was trying to connect with me. I’d given that look way too much thought, all the while telling myself I was an idiot. I knew Brandon was an Academy Award level actor. He wouldn’t fool me again. I just wished I knew what he was playing at. What was the endgame for him? And why did he keep leaving me hate notes? I was more than aware that he hated me.

With that reminder, I hauled myself out of my dad’s old BMW that had seen much better days. An icy blast of wind cut right through me. I pulled my long puffer coat, a bargain buy from Costco, tightly around me, gripping my bag with those dang sticky notes in it. I wastempting fate bringing them to work with me. But for some reason, I couldn’t leave them behind or throw them away. It was like I’d found a piece of me that had been missing. Or else I really was a sticky note junkie who’d fallen off the wagon. Maybe if I never used them, I would be okay. Or perhaps fate was telling me to use them.

No. No. No.I didn’t need to resort to childhood antics. I clutched my bag tighter to myself as I fought the wintry winds that made my cheeks feel like they were being pelted with tiny little ice cubes. When I walked into the foyer, I felt like I could finally take a breath without my lungs freezing.

“Hey, Holly,” a male voice rumbled through the foyer.

My gaze drifted toward the voice near the stairs. There I found Jason leaning against the wall near a large watercolor painting like he was waiting for me. “Hello,” I said warily. This was a new development.

He pushed off the wall and swaggered my way. His swagger was more like a lame horse swaying. Or it could be I was just used to Brandon, who walked like he invented swagger. He’d perfected it around his junior year. I really needed to stop thinking about him before my memories fulfilled my worst fears and swallowed me whole. I needed to forget that boy. The boy my dad had perceived as being fascinated by me. He’d fooled us both.

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