Page 190 of Only With You

“I’m sure it’s nothing serious. I bet he’ll bounce back better than ever.” I smile at him as he holds the door open for me.

I walk past him, into the ballroom but freeze, fingers digging into the heels of my palm when the door closes behind us and we’re surrounded in nothing but pitch darkness.

“The lights.” My mouth dries and my heart races haphazardly. I want to move, run, and hide, but I feel cemented to the floor. My body weighed down and trapped. “Landon, the lights. We need to turn the lights on.”

“Stay fucking still. We’re just having fun.” His beer-tinted breath fans my face.

My chest grows tight, making it hard to breathe, my mind spirals with reminders of that night, and anxiety furiously stabs me.

“Julianna, it’s okay. I’m right here. I’m right here, Love. I’m right here.”

I don’t register that the lights are on until I feel his arms around me, holding me, grounding me, whispering over and over again that he’s here.

I blink repeatedly, snapping out of the nightmare, and painfully swallow.

My arms hang limply at my side and a few tears fall and gather around the chain I forgot I still have on.

“I-I,” I stutter, my body shaking against his. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened.”

“Please don’t apologise. It’s okay, I’m here. I’d never let anything happen to you.” He tucks a knuckle underneath my chin, tips my head back, and wipes the tears that cling on my chin. “Okay?”

I shakily nod, my voice a suffocated whisper. “Okay.”

I bite the inside of my cheek, eyes drifting left and right for an exit. When I spot it, Landon looks over his shoulder and lets go of me.

“I’m sorry. I hope you don’t think that I was?—”

“No, no, it’s not you. It’s me. It’s my fault. I wasn’t careful enough. I was too trusting, too stupid. It’s my fault. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry,” I ramble, my voice quivers, and my body shakes as I recall that night like it was yesterday.

“Can I hug you?” he cautiously asks.

“Please.” I tried hard to conceal it, but when he holds me, I lose it and a sob rips from the back of my throat. I cry into his chest, my tears streaming down my face frantically.

I don’t know how long we stay here, but he keeps his arms firmly around me, his palm gently rubbing my back in circles until my sobs become soft hiccups.

“I’m sorry,” I croak.

He hugs me extra tight, his words enveloping me like a warm blanket. “Please don’t apologise. It’s not your fault.”

Shame eats me alive, a knot growing in my stomach.

I bury my face against his chest, fisting the bottom of his hoodie. “I went upstairs with him.”

My eyes water again, the bridge of my nose burning, but I manage to keep my voice even.

“I willingly went upstairs with him becauseI knewhim.” I swallow back the bile that threatens to rise. “We met freshman year and heseemednice. He never tried anything, so when I bumped into him and he noticed I wasn’t feeling well, he offered his room. I went with him because I thought I could trust him. I thought I’d be okay with him. But when we got to his room, he locked the door, turned the lights off, and he…” My vision blurs, my voice distant. “Got on top of me and…touched me everywhere, kissed me everywhere…I wanted to get out, but I was so dizzy, I couldn’t move and it was so dark. I couldn’t see the door. I couldn’t see him, but I could feel him all over me. Sometimes, I still do…”

Anger rolls off his body, his heart beating dangerously fast. “Did he?—”

“No, he got distracted when someone knocked and I don’t know how, but I managed to stab his thigh with my heel and I ran.” I sardonically muse. “I’m so pathetic.”

“Julianna, don’t say that. You’re not?—”

“He didn’t rape me and I’m acting like he did!” I pull away from him, feeling disgusted with myself. “It’s my fault for trusting him. I mean, come on, I should’ve known better, right?I should’ve known, but I was naive, and now I’m terrified of the dark all because I was stupid, all because?—”

“You’re so strong.” He steps forward, hands cupping my neck, holding my stare. “You’re so fucking strong. I want you to know that. I want you to know it wasn’t your fault. You’re not stupid. You’re not naive. You’re nothing but strong, Julianna. I want you to believe that. I’m so sorry this happened to you, but I want you to know you’re not alone. I’m here, okay?”

“I feel so stupid,” I answer, feeling so hollow.

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