Page 177 of Only With You

Though that needs to end as of yesterday, because this crush is getting ridiculous.

After teaching the kids yesterday, he dropped me off because he had to pack to leave. He walked me to the door and I swear I felt like he wanted to say something, but then I told myself I was reaching because of my own infatuation. So, I said goodbye and went inside before I did something stupid. Like kiss him and tell him I was going to miss him, because I wouldn’t see him for a week.

So the distance will be good. It’ll be practice for when this is all over. Because I’ve already forgotten what things were like before I fell for him.

The mutual hatred seems really idiotically funny now.

“Julianna?” Mom’s voice finally comes on the speaker. She’d put me on hold twenty minutes ago because she needed to take care of something work-related.

Once again, the nerves return. My palms become clammy and my throat has all of a sudden become dry. So, I sit on my bench next to my piano, remembering how Landon was sitting here Friday night, playing “To Build a Home” by The Cinematic Orchestra.

That helps soothe my nerves and I take a deep breath.

“What’s so important you couldn’t wait until Thanksgiving?”

My throat hurts as I swallow.

I was going to wait to tell her in person that I’m going to drop my sorority, but I chickened out. So I decided to tell her now and deal with the reaction in-person later.

My heart rate skitters and I anxiously fidget on the bench.I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t think it was necessary.I tellmyself. It’s why I skipped the Chapter meeting today. I needed to distance myself from it because if I see Sienna, I might slap her.

A bead of sweat trickles down my spine as I blurt out, “I’m going to drop the sorority.”

There’s a palpable moment of silence before she speaks. “Excuse me?”

I stand, not able to sit still. “I’m going to drop the sorority.” I hate how my skin prickles and my face flushes, but despite the anxiety growing in my chest, I carry on because she still hasn’t said anything. “I know you have a lot of questions and I promise that I?—”

“Julianna, you can’t be serious?” she questions, her tone sharp.

“I am, Mom. I need to because?—”

“I don’t know where we went wrong with you.” She blows out a frustrated breath. “What is it now? What’s the reason why once again you want to give up on something else?”

Dread sits in the pit of my stomach, knowing this conversation has already gone sideways. I want to take it all back, but I know I’ll be miserable. I also want to add that I’ve never given up on anything. She just always put me in things I don’t want to be in.

“I’ve recently found out that Sienna used my car to vandalize someone else’s. All this time, that person thought it was me, Mom.”

She doesn’t hesitate to ask. “What did the other person do to Sienna?”

I gape, staring unblinking. “Mom, that’s not the point. Sienna used my car and that person thought it was me who did it. This person hated me and could have called the police on me.”

“Sienna wouldn’t have done this without a reason.” She clicks her tongue and huffs.

She met Sienna when we were friends, and from that moment on forward, she fell in love with her. Even though I’ve told Mom we’re not close, she still asks about her and keeps up with her on Instagram.

“It’s not about reason. It’s about me, Mom. This could have gone badly. She used me. She used my car. That’s the point, and there’s just been so much going on and I need to tell you about…” I hesitate, but I decide this is it. I’ll tell her about Halloween two years ago and how Sienna abandoned me. And why I need a light on at night because when she found out I kept one on, she said I was too old for it. “I need to tell you about Halloween and I know I should have told you sooner, but I?—”

“Julianna,” she snaps, her voice frigid. “Semi is in two weeks. Do you realize you got a custom dress from Firori, fucking Firori! That was ten thousand dollars, Julianna.” She doesn’t state the price because it’s an issue, but a reminder that I have it all because of her and my dad. “Your sorority sisters would kill for that dress and you willingly want to give it up for, what? Because you had a little spat with Sienna. For the love of God, grow up. You’re not a child anymore. I’m tired of your excuses and wanting to give up because you’re not competent enough to do something. I can’t do this right now. Unlike you, I have things to do because I’m not a quitter. I push through and get the job done.” I hear the shuffling in the background again and the jangle of keys. “You better be glad it was me you spoke to and not your father because he’s tired of the disappointment you bring.”

My mouth opens and closes. I try hard to force words out, but I’m afraid of what will come out if I do.

“Get it together,” she scolds before she hangs up.

49

LANDON

TJ: Holy fuck, Taylor! Double-double king

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