Page 163 of Only With You

“Only you, Polly. She’s on her period and in pain.”

She shrugs. “That never stopped anyone before. Just saying. And before you go, have you seen Gabby? I texted her thirty minutes ago, but she hasn’t answered.” She looks at her phone and again around the kitchen.

“No, but I’m sure she’s here somewhere.”

“Yeah, maybe she’s with Jagger,” she distractedly replies.

To think of it, I haven’t seen him either, but knowing Jagger, he’s probably in his room with two girls right now. I saw him talking to them earlier. That’s nothing unusual for him.

“I advise you to stay away from his room, unless you want to hear or see something you’ll never be able to undo.”

Her face pinches in disgust. “Right, I don’t want to make that mistake again. Anyway, I’m going to go look for Gabby. You go see your future girlfriend.”

My heart skips a beat.

I’ve no idea if I’m doing too much by randomly showing up.

I texted Julianna after I left the party to see if she’s all right, but she still didn’t respond. It’s only ten, but for all I know, she’s probably sleeping.

So with that in mind, I decide to go inside, set the bags in front of her door, and sleep in the living room because I’ve lost the motivation to be at the party if she’s not going to be there.

But the plans change when I step inside and find Julianna in the living room, listening to music on her record player.

She’s lying on the couch but quickly sits up when she sees me come in and shut the door behind me. She looks utterly confused and more so when her gaze slides down to the bags in my hand.

“What are you doing here?” she asks, her voice sharp and cold.

I’m taken aback because she’s not spoken to me like that in a while or looked at me like she wishes I’d disappear. But it’s kind of nice. I missed those disdainful looks and her snide tone.

“Polly told me you weren’t feeling well,” I reply, unbothered by her attitude, and hold the three bags up. “So I brought you some stuff.”

“Thanks, but you didn’t have to do that. Did Polly not tell you I wanted to be alone?”

Toeing my shoes off, I step further inside and set the bags on the coffee table. “I wanted to and she did, but I know you don’t like being alone and you probably needed more peppermint tea.”

She stares remorsefully. “Thanks.”

“What’s wrong?” I straightforwardly ask, because I don’t like tiptoeing around people.

It doesn’t make me uncomfortable, but it reminds me of when I had to do it with Mum. I never knew if she was going to be in a good mood, which rarely happened, or if the tiniest thing I did would set her off. The safest bet was to stay away from her as much as I could. Sure, sometimes I’d starve, because the kitchen was her favourite place to be, but it wasn’t like it was ever stocked up with much. The little money John would send, she’d buy alcohol.

“Nothing. I’m—” I cut her off with a pointed look, and with a resigned breath, she slumps against the couch. “I know you’re only tutoring me because of John, and I really can’t say I blame you. I’m glad it ended up working out for both of us.”

I’m not sure how she knows, but I figure Polly told her. Which is fine. It’s not some big secret, but that must’ve upset her because she looks mildly frustrated.

“But?”

She fiddles with the long sleeves of her pyjamas. She usually wears my jumper to bed and I want to ask why she’s not wearing it, but this isn’t the time for that.

“You don’t have to sleep or spend time with me just to stay away from him. We get along now. I don’t care that you’re at the apartment. Honestly, you can stay as long as you want, but don’t use me to stay away from him.”

Now I take a seat next to her. I can see why she’d assume that because that was the idea at first, but somewhere along the way, I realised how much I liked being around her.

“This is going to make me sound self-centred because it always does to everyone else, but my time is very important to me. I don’t like to waste my energy on people who don’t matter or who do nothing for me. Because if I’m being honest with you, I already struggle for energy myself. Sometimes, I feel like I have so little of it, so I don’t want to use it on someone who will take it for granted. So, it makes me selective of who I choose to be around.”

I shrug unapologetically, because after giving my all to Mum, I’ve not been able to bring myself to give it to someone else. Well, that’s how I felt until Julianna. I’ve never so willingly, so easily, so quickly given it up for someone until her. She also doesn’t drain me of my energy, but she gives me more of it. I don’t know how she does it, but I always feel alive because of her.

“If I’m around you, it’s not because I have to be, or because you’re an excuse to stay away from John, or because I want to fuck you.” I grab her hand and those electric eyes lock with mine and for a second, I forget it all. “I choose to be around you because I like to be with you. Sure, you’re a pain my arsesometimes, you roll your eyes too much, and you talk back for no reason.” That gets her lips to quirk up a bit. “But there’s no one else I’d rather do that to me than you.”

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