Page 158 of Only With You

Everything comes to a screeching halt, and I back up, shaking my head. “No. No one drives my car, and the last thing I need is for you to wreck it or worse, kill us both. Do you even know how to drive a stick?”

She scoffs defensively, flipping me off. “First of all, I’m a great driver, and I don’t, but I could learn. And if you’re saying that because I hit your car that one time, I’m sorry.” She pauses for a moment. “I really am sorry about hitting your car and pinning the blame on you. That day, my parents, they—you know, it doesn’t matter because there’s no excuse for what I did,but I really am sorry. I swear I was going to apologize, but then you poured that drink on me.”

“I’m sorry about that.” I rub the back of my neck, remembering that day. “You were there, and I was still pissed about it. I’m really sorry.”

She smiles, shrugging. “It’s fine. I deserved it.”

“You didn’t. I was being petty and childish…” I think of the day she hit me. “You were crying that day, weren’t you?”

“I sometimes forget you have such a great memory.” She glides the tip of the fork over the syrup, creating a figure eight on the plate. “Yeah, I was, but it’s stupid. I was being unreasonable and dramatic.”

“You’re never unreasonable or dramatic. Do you want to talk about it?” I rub my thumbs over the top of her knees.

“No, or then you’ll really hate me, because it’s stupid.”

“That won’t happen.”Because I like you way too much to ever feel that way toward you. My heart expands at the thought, but I push it out of the way. “I promise.”

“My parents were supposed to help me move in that day, but after an argument Mom and I got into, they didn’t come. I’ll spare you the details, but it’s my fault because in their defense, I was ungrateful and they weren’t wrong. I have it all thanks to them, and at the moment, I wasn’t showing it. It’s fine, though…they sent the Rover.”

She laughs, but it’s awkward and dry, but I don’t say anything because it feels like she wants to say more. So, I stay silent and listen.

“I know I’m privileged. I shouldn’t even be saying this, because I have both of my parents, who are able to provide and give it all to me. They’re the reason I’m wearing this five-thousand-dollar jacket, but sometimes, I wish I had more than just the materialistic things. Sometimes, I wish they’d tell me they were proud of me or that I’m doing enough because I neverfeel like I am. And I feel so stupid, because I have no clue how to be enough for them. But sometimes I worry that I’ll be too much, and I hate to be a burden to them. So I smile and look pretty, because I feel like that’s all I’m good for.” She bites her quivering lip and stares off into the distance and slumps back as if she’s trying to make herself small. “I sound so stupid. I’m sorry. I’m complaining about my parents when Gabby can’t even see hers. God, I sound so self-absorbed.”

“Please don’t apologise.” I slip out of my side of the booth, and when she sees what I’m doing, she scoots over and lets me sit next to her. I’d hug her if the booth weren’t so small, so I settle with grabbing her hand. “You don’t sound self-absorbed, you’re not ungrateful, you’re not spoiled, and you’re not stupid.”

I really hate myself for not knowing what else to say. Sure, once I wanted what she wants now, but it’s been so long, I’ve lost the ability to give a fuck about John, anything, or anyone. I also can’t bring myself to love him or anyone.

Love is fickle and precarious, and so insatiable, I don’t want to deal with it.

Brushing my thumb over her knuckles, I say what comes to mind and hope I don’t fuck anything up.

“I hate that your parents are making you feel this way, because you’re not a burden. You’re far from it. Quite frankly, if I’m being honest with you, I need more of you because I can’t stop gettingenoughof you. And I know it’s not the same thing, because you want that from your parents, but I see you and I see that you’re not any of those things you just said you were. You’re not just your smiles or your beauty. You’re Julianna fucking Sparks. You’re smart, capable, strong, quick-witted. You’re that and so much more. I promise and I hope you know I mean it.”

She scrunches her nose and her eyes become glassy and the corners rimmed with unshed tears.

Fuck, what did I just do? “I’m sorry, I’m not good with words and?—”

“No, no.” She blinks repeatedly, exhales a shaky breath, and finally, a genuine smile sweeps across her face. “Thank you.”

I capture this moment, feeling relieved I didn’t screw up.

“Don’t thank me. I meant every word.” I smile at her and her gaze drops to it and this time I don’t conceal it. “Deal.”

“Deal? Really?”

I seriously can’t believe that this is what I’ve succumbed to. All for her.

“Yes, really.”

She beams, eyes sparkling with excitement. “Freshman year, I’m hitting your car. Senior year, I’m driving it. Who would have thought?” She crosses her leg over the other, and when she hits my knee, she moves it, but I grab her ankle and place her leg over my knee.

“Yeah, who would have thought?”

44

JULIANNA

“I’m sohappy you’re coming,” Polly says from my bed as I give myself a once-over in the mirror to make sure everything looks good.

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