Page 155 of Only With You

LANDON

Sometimes,my heart feels like it’s going to give out from how fast it beats when I’m around Julianna. It’s as worrisome as it is overwhelming, because I like how it feels, I like howshemakes me feel, but then I have these thoughts and I’m reminded that I don’t do this.

I don’t create unrealistic scenarios in my head, because it only brings hope and that’s a dangerous thing, despite what Reid says.

Although…sitting right across from her in this booth, watching her get excited over a stack of pancakes and syrup that she swears is the best thing I’ll ever have in my life, I can’t help but feel just a bit of hope.

It’s ridiculous and I’m doing my best not to feel it. I’m doing my best to extinguish it, because we’re not by any means anything other than what we agreed on or what she said earlier. We’re just fucking and that’s all it’s supposed to be and all it’s meant to be. That’s why I went out of my way to put some distance between us. I’m feeling too much for someone who was never supposed to mean anything to me. But the so-called distance I decided to put between us is now laughable.

The space did nothing but make me miss her, and when I was at the store, I saw something that reminded me of her. That is how I ended up leaving with a cart full of stuff and going to stores I’ve never been in, just to get the exact brand of body wash she uses and other products she likes.

Never thought I’d be spending fifty dollars on a body wash, but I did, and now it’s sitting in my shower where she set it. Along with her other stuff.

I also never thought someone like her would make life feel like thereisa light at the end of a very depressing tunnel. And saying that is all too mediocre because she’s done more than that.

Julianna flicked on a light, and suddenly my life doesn’t seem dark anymore. She illuminated the darkest part of my soul, and the strange thing is that with her, it doesn’t feel like it was ever off.

I’ve been sitting in the dark for so long, I’ve just always accepted it, but then she came out of nowhere, like a strike of lightning to my blasé life, and brought it all back.

Just like that.

“God, you’re beautiful.”

She snuffs a laugh, holding a forkful of her pancakes dripping in syrup. “Is this because you saw me naked earlier?”

Leaning forward, I stretch my fingers across the tables until the pads brush against her nails. She extends her hands and lets me glide my fingers between hers.

“The way I see you has nothing to do with what you do or don’t wear. There’s nothing ordinary or extraordinary in the way that I see you, because it’s all beyond beautiful. Truthfully, a single word can’t define how I see you. Nor will it explain it because the only way is through my eyes. I’m sorry there’s not a better word in the dictionary.”

Her mouth pops open and she dampens her plump lips. A shade of pink takes over her cheeks and her chest expands.

I really wish I could show her through my eyes how I see her because only then she would understand. But if she were able to do that, then she’d know how I mentally screenshot everything she does. Things that were never meant to mean anything to me, like the most mundane and inconsequential things. It’s puzzling to be this fascinated with her. To be drawn to her being without there having to be a reason.

I don’t know how she does it, but only Julianna has managed to make putting on a jumper fascinating.

She smiles down at the stack of pancakes on her plate. “We should eat. You really don’t want the syrup to get cold.”

I nod to that, thankful she didn’t say anything because I think I’m crashing.

“This better be as good as you’re hyping it up to be.”

Since we got in the car, she hasn’t stopped talking about how good this syrup is.

“When have I led you astray?” A dark brown brow perks up. “And you better not say theraunchwasn’t good, because you know it was.”

I flatten my lips, suppressing a grin at the way she mimics me.

I grab a piece of bacon and dip it in the syrup.

Both of her brows lift as she stares at it in astonishment.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never tried this?”

“Bacon and syrup together? No, my mom would have a heart attack,” she jokes, but I don’t miss the light that dims in her eyes as she glances at the stack of pancakes on her plate. “But only because she worries about my health.”

I fight the urge to look anything but annoyed. Not at her, but her mother for making her feel like she can’t eat anythingthat’s not deemedhealthy. This isn’t the first time she’s made comments about what she should and shouldn’t be eating.

There’s nothing I want more than to tell her how that kind of mentality isn’t healthy, but I know that isn’t the way to go about it.

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