Page 166 of Only With You

I have to bite my tongue from saying anything that’ll upset her more than she already is. I’ve never in my life disliked someone I personally don’t know, but her mum has skyrocketed to the top of the list of people I hate and I add her father to it, too.

The way they dictate her life and make her feel like shit for it. I hope to God I never run into them. I’m not sure I’d be able to hold back.

“On the bright side, I won’t make a fool of myself.” She grins, her nail now tracing over another tattoo.

“Why’s that?”

“I don’t know how to dance, and before you ask, that includes slow dancing. It’s ridiculous that I don’t know the most basic dance, but trust me, when I say I’m shit, I mean it. I’m like an awkward baby giraffe learning how to walk, and to kind of think of it, I’m doing them an injustice, because I’m worse than that.”

I think back to all of the times I’ve seen her out and now understand why she never dances.

That wrenches a chuckle out of me as I picture her dancing.

Julianna thumps my arms, giving me a less than impressed look.

“What if I teach you?” My hands slip to her hips and down to her bum. “Then you’ll be able to go, wear your dress, and…”

She snakes her arms around my shoulders, pushing her chest against mine. It distracts me, because I get a great view of her cleavage, but then she tugs the overgrown hair at my nape and I lift my gaze.

A smirk tips the corner of her mouth, knowing what she’s doing to me.

“And you’ll dance with me.”

She sits up, brows cinching in confusion. “Dance with you?”

That’s right, I never told her I was going. It just never came up and I agreed to go before all of this happened. I still don’t want to go, but I promised Jagger, and I don’t like breaking promises.

“I’m going to be there. Jagger asked as a favour and I told him I would.”

“Oh…” She rolls her lips together, toying with the clasp of my chain. “Who are you guys going with?”

“With Sienna.”

“Oh…cool,” is all she says, her voice dry and posture now stiff.

I fight back my grin, but it’s hard not to find her jealousy amusing and cute. “I’m just going as a favour to Jag, okay?”

“You don’t need to explain yourself to me.” She plasters a smile on her face.

“Don’t do that.” I slap her arse and she jerks. “Don’t smile if you don’t mean it. It was never in my plans to go, but I told Jagger I would and I don’t break my promises. It’s only two dances, one picture, and no after-party. And I want you to know I agreed before you and I began.”

I explain because I need her to know exactly what my plans are. I don’t want her to assume I have any intentions other than the one I laid out to Jagger.

“You really don’t need to explain yourself to me. It’s not like we’re dating, and our contract is going to end next month, so it’s all good.” She shrugs with indifference as if none of this—usmatters.

But I can’t call it an us, because there isnous. There is justherand justme, and by next month, it’ll all be over.

Things could change, but I’m too fucked up. I have too many issues. I’d only add more to what she has going on.

Reid calls it avoidant attachment. He said that after I told him I don’t like to attach myself to others because I want nothing to miss when they’re gone.

It’s cynical of me to assume I can’t bond with someone when I have Jagger, Gabby, and Polly, but it’s not like they gave me much of a choice. And it’s also different with them, because it’s all platonic.

With Julianna, it’s not like that.

She sets my soul on fire, makes me feel electric. I mean, goddamn, she makes me feel alive and makes me look forward to tomorrow and the days after. She makes me not hate myself or my smiles. I’ve not told her or even Reid, but for the first time in a long time, I was able to look in the mirror and smile. I was able to forget about the people who made me hate it, because all I could think about was the only person who makes me like it.

Fear takes over my body, and I panic, my heart beating profusely but feeling dull and my chest becoming achingly tight. I swallow, hoping she can’t feel and see the trepidation I’m battling.

---