Page 117 of Only With You

Julianna was all over the place, stumbling, confused, and slurring her words. I quickly registered that she was on something, and she had said as much the morning after. She woke up in my bed while I sat all night on the floor, watching her to make sure she didn’t choke on her vomit.

I hadn’t planned to take care of her that night, but I wasn’t sure who she was with and she seemed off. And I know it had nothing to do with the drugs. Something was off, but she was insistent it was whatever she took.

“It’s fine. It happened.”

She casts her gaze downward, puffing out a weary breath. “It’s not fine. I’m sorry you had to deal with that—with me. I promise it won’t happen again.”

Her words are quiet, almost embarrassed, remorseful, and despondent.

“Hey.” I tuck the curtain of blonde hair that covers half her face behind her ear. “It’s okay, I promise.”

“It’s not okay.” She brings her knees to her chest, threading her arms around them. “I didn’t mean to put you through that. It wasn’t my intention.”

I pivot, sitting in front of her, placing my legs on either side of her, and hook my palms underneath her knees.

“Julianna, I promise I’m okay. My issues aren’t your fault. You have nothing to apologise for.”

I hate myself for bringing it up and ruining the night. I hate myself even more, because I want her to smile. I want to be the reason she does, but I’m not very good at drawing them out.

“It’s not that. It’s—I haven’t been honest with you.” She exhales a shaky breath and pries away from my hold. “I really don’t know what happened. I know you’re going to think I’m stupid, because who wouldn’t? I know it’s really all my fault. I’m the one who was there. I’m the one who wasn’t careful enough. I really should’ve known better.”

A heavy weight lodges in my chest, all the air around us getting confiscated as I understand her words.

“You didn’t willingly take something that night, did you?” I ask, slicing the suffocating silence.

She swallows thickly. “No.”

I flex my hands at my sides, grinding my teeth before I ask the dreaded question. “Did something happen that night?”

“Nothing happened, but it was my fault.” Her bottom lip quivers and her voice cracks before she clears her throat.

She won’t look at me, and despite how sure she sounds, I can’t shake off that something did happen. But I don’t want to push. She doesn’t need that.

“Julianna.” I drag myself closer to her and cup her cheek. “It’s not your fault. Itwasn’tyour fault.”

She rolls her lips anxiously. “You don’t know what happened that night.”

I take her hand in mine, keeping the other on her cheek. “I don’t need to know what happened that night to know it wasn’t your fault.”

A small crease settles between her brows and her sad eyes search mine. “You don’t know what happened and you believe me? Just like that? I don’t need to explain myself to you? You’re going to just…believe me?” she tentatively asks.

I don’t miss the way her shoulders sag and how she tips her head down like she’s making herself small, prepared for the worst.

“I believe you, Julianna,” I earnestly say, and the moment those words fall from my lips, the tension on her shoulders subsides, and the exhausted look in her eyes morphs into relief. “I believe you.”

There’s more I want to say, but it may be a lot for her, so I do the only thing I can think of. The only thing I know I might not fuck up.

“I’m going to hug you, okay?”

“Okay.” She limply nods.

I easily tug her close until she’s on her knees and she looks at me as I do to her. We don’t have to communicate out loud what we’re doing because I understand the look in her eyes. She’s trusting me and I know I’ll do everything in my power never to break that.

She lifts one leg to straddle me, slipping her arms around my neck as I securely wrap mine around her waist. Once she rests her head on my shoulder, I hear the heavy exhale of her breath and her body melts against mine.

I’m not sure how long we sit here, but I hold her, while the cover I sang of “Let Me Follow” by Son Lux plays in the background.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re a great hugger?” I hear the smile in her voice and that pulls one from me.

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