Page 3 of Desire

“Thank you,” I express my gratitude as she pours.

Natalie loves being the hostess, and none of us would try to change that. It’s what she enjoys doing. Our children are currently at school, Lucas is working out in the gym, and all the guests have left for the day, so this is our chance to relax and catch up on the local gossip. Natalie just got back from a few weeks in Miami where she and Lucas are based during his football season.

“So how was Miami? Did you hit all the shops while you were there?” I ask.

“I may have visited one or two. I found this cute antique place. I spent hours in there and far too much money. You’re now drinking from one of my acquisitions.”

“I thought this was new.” I examine the coffee cup more carefully. It’s made from fine bone china with delicate flowers painted on it, most probably hand decorated. “Next time, I’ll have to get you to ship some back for me. I’ve only got regular mugs from Target.”

“Nothing wrong with a Target mug. I just prefer these.”

We both raise our drinks with our pinkie fingers held out, as if we’re upper-class English ladies from the Victorian era, and lightly chink the cups together.

“As long as the coffee inside is strong, it’s all I need.”

“Tell me about it. I’m exhausted.” Natalie rubs her hand over her face.

“Well you’ve been traveling all around America, supporting Lucas.”

“It’s fun, and it isn’t just the travel…you know how my husband can be.” Natalie sticks her tongue through her lips and winks at me. “Plus, I adore seeing Issac’s face every time he walks into one of the stadiums to watch Lucas play. He loves playing his own football games too, and I know he’s already got scouts watching him—Lucas has pointed them out to me. As long as it saves my windows, I’m more than happy for Issac to turn professional. He broke another one just before we left.”

“I sometimes wonder what Izzy will do when she’s older. I knew the entire time I was growing up I wanted to be an actress, but she’s not really showing a particular interest in anything at the moment. She’s good at sports, art, drama, maybe not math, but she doesn’t seem to want to specialize in anything yet.”

“She’s ten. She’ll figure something out. There’s plenty of time.”

“I know,” I muse into my coffee.

Since Izzy witnessed Simon attacking me, she hasn’t been the same happy-go-lucky girl she was before. I’d like to think she’s not been affected by it, but I know she has. What if she never settles on anything because she’s somehow broken inside.

“Miss Elise, I hope you’re not overthinking things. Izzy is happy. She’s doing really well. You’re a great mama, and you’re raising a wonderful child.”

“I know.” I nod my head and take another sip of my coffee.

It’s something that’s been worrying me for a while, though. I don’t need to work, but I wonder if Izzy thinks I’ve given up because I haven’t sorted out a new job.

“Tell me what’s worrying you.” Natalie places her coffee cup down on the table, and when I also put my cup down, she reaches out to take my hand and continues, “You’ve told me everything that happened to you. Don’t go silent on me now. You know I’m here to help you if you need me.”

“I do.” Pulling my hand away, I rub it over my face and bow my head. “I’m such an idiot.”

“No, you’ve been through a lot.”

“I just keep second guessing everything. I’ve had a few offers of work, but I’m scared to take them. What if Simon comes after me? What if I do something wrong, and I void the divorce agreement? I don’t want to risk losing Izzy. She hasn’t even asked to visit Simon. She saw him on the television the other day, doing an interview with his new girlfriend, and turned the television over to a different channel. I asked her later if she wanted to see her father, but she said no. I left it at that because I didn’t want to push the matter, but I wonder whether I should encourage her. Maybe he’s changed? Maybe he’s not abusive to his new girlfriend? Maybe it was just me? Maybe we rubbed each other up the wrong way? I don’t know. Everything is so confusing. And now I’m rambling and probably sounding completely crazy.”

“I’ve rambled many a time before. Ask any of my family.”

I lean down beside me and lift my bag up onto the table. Then opening it, I dip my hand inside and retrieve the letter I singled out from my snail mail this morning. I hand it to Natalie, and she skim reads it.

“Wow, I love this show.” She claps her hands excitedly. “Are you going to do it?”

I enjoy the show as well. It’s a dance contest where celebrities are paired with professional dancers and have to learn routines and compete each week until one of them wins. It’s reality television, but one of my favorites.

“I don’t know. They usually film it in Hollywood, which would’ve prevented me from doing it. However, this year they’ve moved it to Louisiana for the first time, making it simple for me to do. The studio is only an hour away. I wouldn’t need to disrupt Izzy’s schooling, and the truth is I’m not sure I’m ready to return to acting yet, but I want to do something. I want to challenge myself even if only to prove to myself I can do it.”

“I think it’s a brilliant idea. I’ll help with Izzy. It’s off season now for Lucas, so we’ll not be traveling for a couple months.”

My stomach turns, and I feel sick. I’ve not thought about doing anything in the spotlight for a long time. I’ve shied away from it. After the divorce was made public and I left Hollywood, the press chased after me, trying to get a story. I don’t think many people believed irreconcilable differences were the true reason for the split, especially as I was covered in bruises from a supposed burglary that was never reported to the police. Eventually, they realized they wouldn’t be getting anything different out of me and left Izzy and me in peace to get on with our lives.

“I just don’t know if placing myself back into the spotlight is the right thing to do. I’ve not heard anything from Simon in over a year now, and I’m happy about that. I’m not living in fear of a beating should I do anything he perceived as wrong…”

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