Page 28 of Second Chances

“Your taking this a lot better than I thought you would, Elena.”

The anger I came here with has turned into shock. I’m amazed she’s not throwing things at me, threatening to call the police and report me. I’m not going to take anything for granted. It’s an MI5 agent’s nature to always be alert, vigilant, and wary.

Elena gets to her feet this time and starts to pace the room.

“Are you fucking with the Norths?” she finally spits out.

“What?” That, I did not see coming.

“Are you still playing with them? Your attempts to kill them all failed because they’re smarter than you, so now you’re trying a different tack. Acting the dutiful and loving son, so you’ll be welcomed back into the fold. Getting them to love you, and then bam, you’ll destroy them and break them apart. Are you planning to ruin them emotionally? That’s so much worse than death in my eyes. To get back the son, brother, uncle they all worship and then have him walk away from them with nothing but cruel words.” She pauses in her sermon and places her hand over her mouth to let out a loud cry. “Will you do the same to me? Will you make me care for you and then destroy me because I associate with the people a few short months ago you wanted dead?”

My chest is so tight now I can barely breath. It feels like I’m having a heart attack, and my eyes are watering with the emotion of the situation. I hate seeing Elena this way She’s so distraught it’s reaching in and pulling my heart out of my chest.

I fall to my knees on the plush rug beneath my feet.

“No, I promise.” I place my hands together in a prayer, needing to somehow show her everything I’m saying is honest and trustworthy. “I would never do that, Elena, I promise you. I’m not the man I once was. To have my family back and for them to welcome me into their life is everything I’ve always wanted. I was blinded by my grandfather, and there isn’t a day that goes by I don’t regret every decision I make under his tutorage. I love them all—even the baby growing within my sister. It’s my niece or nephew already. Now I’ll never be able to show you I’m an honest man, but I am. Please, you have to see it in me and trust me.” I’m fully crying now. I can’t believe it. I’m breaking down. I didn’t even do that when I was having my counseling, but the beautiful girl in front of me, who’s captured my attention, has me sobbing like a toddler with a scraped knee.

Elena comes to me and kneels down to my level. She takes my hands and draws me into her. With my head laying in her lap, I pour out my emotions while she strokes my hair. It’s the most comfort I think I’ve ever felt in my life. Well, next to my mother holding me on the rooftop the day I tried to take my own life.

“The Norths are a great family. You’re blessed to be a part of them. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through,” Elena says gently.

“You trust me?” I turn, so I can see her.

“Yes.”

I fall silent. I know there is one more thing I need to tell her. It’s not been spoken of directly with my family, but I know my mother and father suspect.

“I killed my foster parents as well,” I blurt out.

Elena’s eyes go wide, but she doesn’t push me away from her.

“Tell me.” There is a quiver in her voice.

“They were heroin addicts. My foster father beat me, and my foster mother starved me. All the money they were sent to look after me went into buying drugs. I thought my parents were the ones paying them, but in fact it was my grandfather. When my grandfather finally came to get me, I had a broken arm and was eating discarded pizza from a rubbish bin because I was so hungry. He gave me my first test that day—he had me give them an overdose of heroin. I was so desperate for a different life I did it. Their faces have haunted me since that day. The first people I killed. That was the day I changed and became the person who went on to do all those terrible things.”

Elena pulls me up so our faces are at the same level. She presses a burning kiss to my lips. It scorches the bad memories away and replaces them with only thoughts of her.

“Life starts at thirty-four for you. No more reflecting on the past. Only the future and this…” She gets to her feet and holds her hand out for me.

“This? What?” I take it and pull myself up. She turns, still holding my hand, and leads me through her apartment to where I know her bedroom is.

“Elena.” I halt and tug on her hand. “We’re not ready yet.”

“We’ve always been ready. We both need love. That’s why we’re drawn to each other. Take me, Ryan. Make me yours…please.”

I look toward Elena’s bed through a crack in the bedroom door. The sheets are still tangled from where I put her to bed last night, and as I stand there, the weight I’ve been carrying around for so long finally lifts off my shoulders. It has remained there even though I’ve found love with my family, and it was the real reason I was holding back from Elena. She didn’t know the truth about me, but she does now, and she still wants me. This time, I won’t stop.

I take charge. Stepping in front of her, I lead us into the bedroom and over to her bed.

She bites her lip.

“I haven’t showered this morning.”

I chuckle. I can’t help it. My mood is lighter now and definitely heading in the direction of sex.

“You’re going to get a lot sweatier by the time I’ve finished with you.”

Reaching down, I grip the hem of her t-shirt and pull it directly over her head to give me my first sight of her tits. They are as beautiful as I’d imagined when pleasuring myself last night. Small but perfectly formed. A neat handful for me to play with. I cover one with my large hand and test the weight of it.

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