Page 47 of Tainted Reasoning

Chapter Twenty-One

William

“And now to him who is able to keep us from falling,

and lift us from the dark valley of despair

to the bright mountain of hope,

from the midnight of desperation

to the daybreak of joy;

to him be power and authority, for ever and ever.

Amen.”

Tamara picks up a handful of soil from the ground and follows the priest by throwing it on top of her mother’s coffin. She leans back into me as Victoria does the same with her little piece of earth. We say goodbye one final time and turn away, back to Oakfield Hall. There was, initially, some debate as to where Tamara’s mother should be buried until Nicholas suggested she could have the vacant plot next to our mother – the one my father should’ve had his body buried in when he died. Instead, we’d had his body cremated, and we’d flushed the contents of the urn down the toilet. It seemed a really fitting tribute to the woman who was considered to be not only a surrogate mother to the current Duchess of Oakfield, but also the actual mother of the woman for whom my feelings are increasing in intensity the more time I spend in her company.

Tamara’s fragile, at the moment, and we have good days and bad together. She’s frustrated that Viscount Hamilton disappeared as are Nicholas, Victoria, and I. But we all know we can’t let this set-back stop our ultimate goal, which is to destroy all that remains of the previous Oakfield Society. It will happen – along with the downfall of Viscount Hamilton. It’s just going to take a while longer than we expected.

“Anyone want a drink?” Nicholas asks as we enter the lounge.

“Please,” I reply and escort Tamara over to the sofa. Victoria takes a seat on the high-backed armchair she’s taken a preference to, and Nicholas tucks a blanket over her lap to keep her warm before going to prepare three brandies. He calls down to the kitchen to request hot chocolate for Victoria.

“To Ms. Elsie Bennett” – he raises his cup when we all have drinks in hand – “a woman whose courage and fortitude knew no bounds. I’ll be forever grateful to her for imparting some of that to my beautiful wife. Even if she uses it to bust my balls on occasion.”

Victoria snorts a wry smile and holds her hot chocolate up.

“To my nanny and surrogate mother. I’ll miss you every day, but I’ll make sure this little one”–she runs her empty hand over her stomach– “knows all about you. Thank you.”

I hold my glass up next. I don’t have much to say, just a few words. “Thank you for giving me Tamara. She really is your greatest gift. I promise I’ll protect her for you.”

Tamara stares blankly into her brandy, and we all wait for her to find the words she wants to say.

She pushes up onto her feet.

“I could rant and rave and say I’ll avenge your death. That I won’t rest until the Viscount is rotting behind bars or better yet dismembered and rotting in the ground, but I’m not going to. I’m just going to share my first memory of you.” She shuts her eyes and licks her lips to steady herself. As always, I’m close to her, ready to catch her should she fall. “My greatest time spent with you was always in the kitchens. I don’t know how you stood to be in them after what happened to you there, but I guess I gave you new memories, ones to replace the horror. I always remember the day you tried to teach me how to prepare the meal your father had taught you. His mother’s recipe for pineapple sandwiches. You took the bread and placed on to it a slice of ham and one of those round rings of pineapple from a can. We then smothered it in cheese and put it under the grill until all the cheese was melted. The chef was a stuck-up bastard, and he was horrified we were preparing such mundane food in his kitchen, but I loved it. My favorite meal in the world.” She laughs, but it catches in her throat, turning into a sob. “Always. I’ll always be your daughter, and he will die for what he did.” Bringing the brandy glass up to her mouth, she drinks the burning nectar down in one long steady gulp before placing the empty glass back down onto the table in front of her. “William, I’m tired. Will you come sleep with me for a while?”

She looks straight at me, and I know we’ll be doing anything but sleeping when we go to our bedroom. It’s what she needs, though, and who am I to deny my woman? I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the last few days. I’ve put a halt on my acceptance at the autistic home, mainly because Tamara can’t join me there and the thought of being away from her breaks me out in a cold sweat. I’ve also come to realize it’s not my autism causing the darkness within me – it’s the result of my upbringing, and my father’s influence. However, it’s also something a part of me enjoys. The difference is now I can control it, and I know I won’t murder or destroy a woman just because I can. I’ll always have oddities because my brain is wired differently, but Tamara brings the best out in me. I was locked away for so many years, and although the world outside of Oakfield Hall is terrifying as hell, I want to see it. I want to go on a plane, a boat, even a train – experience things I never have before. I’m not sure about having to queue to do it, but I want to try. I want to be as normal as I can. That’s what the children at the day care center had, and it showed me I could have it too. A warm feeling settles in my chest, but it’s swiftly replaced by a swelling in my groin when Tamara winks at me.

“Of course.” Taking her hand, I lead her to my bedroom.

“Is this wrong?” she asks as our lips meet, and I’m ripping her smart, black suit from her body.

“Do you want it?”

“Yes,” she whispers breathlessly. “I need to feel. I want to lose myself in your taste and touch, so I don’t have to think.”

I step back from her. I’ve totally destroyed her clothes, and she’s standing before me in a black bra and matching thong. Fuck, she’s sexy as hell. Part of me feels it’s wrong to be doing this so soon after burying her mother, but I know Tamara needs it. She needs to forget in order to start living and breathing again, and this is the only way. We’ve not done anything since the night in the forest – just spent our nights together in each other’s arms.

I allow my monster to take over, and as I transition, I realize, for the first time, that even as a monster I’m still the same person because it’s who I am. I like the wild side. I pick a cushion up off the chair beside me and drop it onto the floor at my feet.

“On your knees,” I order, and Tamara licks her lips.

I unbuckle my suit trousers, pull down the zipper, and lower them along with my underpants to my feet. Tamara kneels in front of my dick as it springs out, ready for her succulent little mouth to wrap itself around it. As a couple, we are a contradiction in terms. Sometimes she’s bossy and looks after me, and sometimes it’s the other way around. But here in the bedroom, I’m always in control, and I couldn’t give a fuck if anyone says I’m weak because I let her rule me elsewhere. They aren’t about to get their dick sucked by the hottest woman in the world.

“Open,” I demand, and she does so without question. “I’ve been on edge for a few days. My poor dick, spending its night lying next to that pussy of yours but not being able to get inside. I’m going to take your mouth. Claim it. I won’t be gentle. I’ll make you gag, but you’ll take every inch of me.”

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