Page 42 of Tainted Reasoning

Chapter Nineteen

William

“How is she?” My brother pokes his head around the door to Tamara’s bedroom and whispers quietly.

“Sleeping still. The doctor gave her a sedative,” I reply and look down to where I still hold her hand, having done so for the last five hours. I helped her to change into her nightdress when we returned home from the morgue, and then I put her to bed where she’s been ever since.

“He gave Victoria a mild one also. She was getting stressed, and it was affecting the baby’s heartbeat. I’ve left her sleeping.”

“It’s going to be hard for them both to come to terms with this.” My thumb strokes over Tamara’s hand.

“I can’t help but think I could have done something more to protect her. I should’ve had a team in place sooner.” Nicholas looks tired, really tired. The guilt weighing heavily upon his shoulders. “I should’ve refused to allow her to go back in.”

“It’s not your fault. That’s the one thing I’ve realized sitting here. Elsie was an amazing woman, and she’s the reason both Tamara and Victoria have the strength they do. For her to have survived what she did that first time, and then to see her tormentor every day, knowing it’s the best thing for her daughter and her daughter’s half-sister, must’ve taken some considerable willpower. We could have banned her from returning to the Viscount, even locked her in a room, but she still would have found a way to go back. That’s the sort of woman she is…was. She wanted to help Theodore.” I look to where Tamara stirs and turns over in the bed to face the other way. “In her memory, we will make sure we do just that.”

“Yes, we will,” Nicholas responds as he pushes off from the door frame he’s been leaning against. “Goodnight, Brother.”

“Goodnight.”

He disappears, and I’m left alone with my thoughts. They are sad and painful but defiant. I lean back in the chair, allowing my heavy eyelids to droop shut, and I fall asleep. I don’t know for how long, but I’m woken by Tamara abruptly sitting up in the bed. She screams, and I know she’s had a nightmare.

Bringing her into my arms, I hold her in silence while she cries. Eventually, the heartbroken sobs stop wracking her body, and she quietens in my embrace.

“William?” Her eyes flick up to mine.

“Yes?” I stroke her head as a gesture of comfort and strength.

Hi “I need to know what she felt.” Tamara pulls away from me and sits on the bed with her knees tucked under her.

“What do you mean?”

“I want you to chase me…to make me run.” She looks down at the bed and twists her hand in the crumpled sheets. “To take me against my will.”

I leap off the bed in shock and disbelief.

“What?”

“Please.”

“No.” I turn my back to her, but she gets off the bed and presses her warm body to mine.

“Allow the monster out. Please, I need him.”

“You don’t know what you’re asking of me. I could hurt you or worse.” I shut my eyes, trying to block out what she’s asking. I want to put my hands over my ears and shout out no until the madness goes away.

“I trust you.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“But I do.” Tamara rests her head against my back. I’m only wearing a t-shirt, and I can feel the tears she’s still crying, soak into the cotton fabric. “You think your mind is dark. Well, my blood is jet black. If you’re a monster, then I’m the devil’s spawn. Give me what I need. You’re the only person who can.”

My entire body chills at her words. I know she’s right. I know exactly what she needs because I feel every inch of it in my bones, and I want it as well.

Grabbing her hand tightly, I allow the walls I’ve built up, which hide my true nature to crumble. I stride quickly through the corridors of the house and out into the garden. Tamara follows behind me, her shorter legs running to keep up with my fast pace. We come to a halt at the edge of the patio area.

“Run,” I order with an intonation so brutal she just stares at me open mouthed. “If you want this, then run. I will find you. If you don’t, we go back up to the room and sleep until your grief no longer makes you insane.”

“I don’t think that will ever happen,” she whimpers and looks out over the vast blackness that’s beckoning to her.

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