Page 35 of Tainted Reasoning

“I’m sorry, Ms. Bennett. When William goes in the cinema room, he’s usually in there for hours watching films. I truly didn’t know they’d find out you were here.”

“Will you stop talking like I’m not here and tell me what is going on? I have a right to know.”

My mum lets out a long sob, and I squeeze her hand tightly.

“Whatever it is, Mummy, I can help you. Is it the Viscount? Has he done something to you after our last visit? If he’s fired you, you’re better off away from that place. Victoria wants you here. I want you here.”

She shakes her head and inhales a whimper, trying to dampen it down, so it doesn’t explode into a full-blown cry of anguish.

“I never wanted you to find out. I thought if Nicholas knew, he could protect you. It’s the only reason I took the risk.”

“Find out what? Mum, you’re not making any sense?”

Victoria gets to her feet and going over to her husband, buries her head in his chest. I can hear her sobbing.

“Please, my darling daughter, you have to forgive me.”

“Forgive you? If you mean, knowing about Victoria, then of course. I was mad at you the other day, but I know without your protection Victoria would have suffered even worse from her father. It turned out alright for her and Nicholas anyway. Mum, you’re forgiven. Of course, you are.” I get up and bring her into my arms, but she cries harder, and I can hear her whimpering, ‘no’.

“Tamara. You need to let your mother speak,” Nicholas orders, and I pull back from her in confusion before sitting next to her on the sofa. I search her face for answers, trying to read the lines of age on her weathered features. She looks so tired and old. To me, she’s always been young, but in this moment, I see her for a woman who’s had to deal with a lot in her life. I know instinctively what she has to tell me. William must as well for I feel his comforting warmth getting closer to me.

“My father?” I question not really wanting answers.

“Yes.” Her voice is almost a whisper, but to me, it’s as loud as a fog horn, sounding out a warning for ships to avoid the rocks that will shatter them and send them into the depths of tempestuous seas.

“You know who he is?”

She nods.

“I’ll always remember the night you were conceived. I see it vividly in my dreams, every night. It’s haunted me all these years. The day had started out perfectly. Having completed my work, I’d been given half a day off, and I went to the cinema. I’d always been a James Bond fan and was desperate to see the new one, Golden Eye. I loved it. He might be a little bit older than me, but Pierce Brosnan is a handsome man. I wandered back home in a bit of a daydream. I was working for the Viscount by then. Master Theodore had just been born and the Viscountess was resting after the birth. I went into the kitchen to get a drink. The Viscount was there.”

My stomach sinks. In my heart, I know where this story is heading, but I don’t want it to go there. Damn, I don’t want it to be true. Please god, let me wake up and find this was a nightmare.

“We spoke for a while. Just general conversation. He asked me about the film, and I couldn’t hide my crush on James Bond. The Viscount laughed at me and told me James Bond wasn’t a real man because that wasn’t how to treat a woman. He told me that if a real man took a woman as a lover, he’d make sure that they knew he’d been there. Breaking them forever. I joked that I thought Bond was renowned for that, and then he lurched forward and grabbed me, pinning me to the kitchen counter. I’ll remember his words until the day I die.

‘Not that sort of broken, but actually physically and mentally rip that pussy up, so no man can stick his dick in it again. Breaking her until she knows that all she is is a hole for a man to use and own.’

I’m vaguely aware of William sitting down behind me and placing his hands on my shoulders. I need his strength because I’m drowning in the revelations.

“The Viscount placed his hand under the denim skirt I was wearing and moved it up toward my private parts. I protested and tried to stop him, but his strength was too much for me. He pinned me down, ripped my underwear off, and did exactly what he said he would do. He broke me physically and mentally.”

“And got you pregnant with me?” Tears start to stream down my cheeks. My heart is broken, and my head aches.

My mother nods.

“It’s why when you and Victoria used to joke you were sisters from another mother, I would disappear to my room and cry for hours. You are sisters, half anyway, sharing the same father.”

“Viscount Hamilton is my father?…He raped you?” I can barely get the words out. I’m still trying to will myself to wake up from this nightmare. It can’t be true. It can’t be. “William.” I reach around, and as he pulls me to him, I start to cry. I cry for the years I fantasized about who my father could be. Maybe a soldier who died in battle, and my mother couldn’t bear to tell me because she was so heartbroken at his loss, or a traveler with whom my mother had a brief fairytale romance. After he’d left, she’d discovered my existence and although she’d no way to contact him, it didn’t matter because she had a part of him with her forever. No, the reality is horrible, disgusting, and sick. I’m the result of a brutal attack on my mother by a man so vile he needs to be sent to hell. He’s ruined my mother’s life, given his own daughter away, and he’s bought a woman who’s disappeared without trace. Even his own wife was purchased for him. I can only imagine what other atrocities he’s committed in his life. I push away from William and get to my feet. I need air…I can’t breathe. I open a window, and sticking my head out of it, I gulp the sweet oxygen into my lungs, but they don’t seem to fill quickly enough. William comes up behind me and turning me to face him, he strokes his finger down the tip of his my nose.

“Hush, little baby...” He doesn’t need to say the rest, I instantly succumb to his solace.

“How can I be his daughter?”

William wipes away my tears.

“I can’t…” I start, but he hushes me with his finger against my lips.

“You can. You have to. I’m with you all the way.”

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