Page 33 of Tainted Reasoning

“Damn.” West grabs his groin and re-arranges it in front of us all. “That made me so fucking hard. Do you talk like that in the bedroom?”

“I’m still recording, Lord West,” Tamara counters while my fists clench ready to attack should West make any attempt to hurt the woman in front of him. My protective instincts are flooding through my body, but they are also joined by feelings of darkness, which shroud me in their shadows. Lord West finds her display a turn on, and so do I. He is evil incarnate, but I’m experiencing the same responses as him. Surely, this proves how dark and dangerous my soul is.

“You, my darling, will be fun to break,” he sneers and turns his attention to Nicholas. “Oakfield, remove the sanctions against me and desist with your plans, or you’ll regret it. I won’t rest until I take everything from you. This house, your wife, your hot little lawyer, and even your brother. How would you like it if I get him locked up under the Mental Health Act for some of his past perverted deeds?” West's laugh sucks all the air out of the room, and I know he’s referring to the incident with the girl in my bedroom. My heart is starting to beat rapidly, the air in my lungs feels cold and seems to lack oxygen. My head clouds with a foggy haze of emotions: anger, protectiveness, fear. The stimulation is too much. I know I’m rocking, and I know I’m tic’ing. “Are you videoing this one, Miss Bennett? There’s all the proof needed to demonstrate that William Cavendish is not safe to be allowed free in society.”

I can hear the words being spoken around me. More angry exchanges then doors slamming before silence. West has gone. His evil presence is no longer constricting the aura of the room. Now there’s only mine, flowing and twisting around the edges of the royally decorated room like black plumes of smoke. It’s as if the dementors from Harry Potter are pulling me under their spell.

“Victoria, get me a sedative, quickly,” Nicholas calls out, and it permeates my bewildered brain.

“Wait.” I hear Tamara say, and I can feel her getting closer to me.

“No!” I shout, bringing my hands up in front of my face. “That was beautiful. You were so majestic. But, I’m like him.” I bring my hand down to my groin and can feel the hardness there.

“It’s not wrong, William. I promise you. It excites me to know you liked my display.” Tamara is speaking, and I know she’s near, but she sounds so far away.

“Hush, little baby, don’t say a word,

Mama’s going to buy you a mocking bird.

And if that mockingbird don’t sing,

Mama’s going to buy you a diamond ring.”

I feel a finger touch the top of my nose. It’s soft and tender, and while Tamara continues to sing, it is stroked down to the tip and then back up.

“I’m here, William. Nothing’s wrong...I promise you. Nicholas and Victoria are here as well. West has gone. You’re not him.”

I stop rocking and allow her words to sink in. “I’m not him. I’m NOT him.” I shut my eyes and take a deep breath before opening them again. My mind has cleared, and my meltdown has been averted without the need for a sedative. I’ve responded to Tamara. She’s talked me down when I needed her to. Reaching out, she takes my hand.

“How do you feel?” she asks, and I blink a few times to center myself further.

“Good. Thank you.”

“You’re not a bad man, William. Just because you liked my little display of power doesn’t make you anything like West.”

Nicholas steps forward.

“Hell, little brother. I liked her display too. I might have to take Victoria upstairs and get her to talk all legal-like to me.” Nicholas chuckles.

“That’s probably a case of too much information.” Tamara screws her face up.

“I’m sorry,” I tell them both. “Everything is different from what I’m used to. The world is a crazy place and so vibrant. Sometimes, I can’t fully handle everything around me.”

Tamara leans into me, and I wrap my arms around her shoulders.

“That’s what you have us for. Everyone has their mad moments. It’s what you do after that counts.”

She looks up at me, her eyes wide with both wonder and the affection she holds for me. For the first time ever, I don’t see any fear. It’s gone because I’m finally accepting my needs. It’s then I realize that everything Tamara has been doing has been for a reason. She’s been helping me to discover the life I can have outside the confines of my father’s rules, giving me the chance to be myself, not a monster created by him. Leaning forward, I press a kiss to the top of her forehead just as Victoria comes running into the room with a hypodermic filled with sedative.

“Damn!” she exclaims. “I hate being pregnant. I spend all day throwing up and then get to miss all the good things.”

We all laugh, and Nicholas strides confidently over to her.

“How about I take you upstairs and show you something good.”

“If it’s your dick, then I think I’ll pass. It’s got a lot to answer for at the moment!”

Tamara rests her head against my chest as we watch the comic interaction between husband and wife. With him trying to get laid, and his pregnant wife informing him she’s never opening her legs for him again. For the first time in forever, I feel calm… natural…normal.

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