Page 27 of Tainted Reasoning

Chapter Twelve

Tamara

The words on the computer screen in front of me are starting to go blurry, I’ve been staring at them for so long. Line after line of contract law. During my time training, I’d learned a bit about each division of the law: statute, criminal, common, and civil, but it would’ve blown my mind to delve too deeply into all of them. So, when it had been time to specialize, I’d gone down the criminal law route. Little did I know it would come in handy in the future because my best friend was going to marry into a notoriously criminal society. My head hurts, and my hands are jittery from all the coffee I’ve been drinking, but I need to continue reading to see if there is any legal way of dissolving the society as it was, and leaving those opposed to Nicholas’ new rule financially ruined. Along with help from associates of Nicholas, I’ve applied for the assets to be frozen of two of the main culprits who refuse to toe the line: Lord West and Viscount Hamilton. I don’t expect that to stick for long, though. The police must have thought me insane when I presented them with some bullshit about them funding terrorists.

After I read the same paragraph for what must be the sixth time, I know I need to take a break, and I stand up from the desk I’m using in Nicholas’ office. The office was big enough for two extra desks, matching his and Victoria’s, to be brought in, and there is still sufficient space to perform a ‘jig’ if you are so inclined– I’m not. But maybe just a stretch or two. I arch my back, and bringing my arms up above my head, I stretch them before lowering them and shaking out my legs. Yawning, I debate getting another coffee, but I know I’ll never sleep if I have any more caffeine. I’ll be dancing off the ceiling. No, the best thing I can do is to call it a night, but something is drawing me back to the computer.

A couple of months ago, I took one of those swab DNA tests for the ancestry website everyone raved about. A friend of mine had done it at university and found out an old family tale about her having Indian blood was true, and in fact a quarter of her DNA originated from that continent. She was thrilled to have it confirmed. I already know from my mother’s side that my ancestry is African via my grandfather, who came to this country after World War One, and Anglo Saxon from my grandmother, whose family originated from Suffolk. By doing the test, I was really hoping to see if I could link into any relatives on my father’s side, which might give me an idea of who he is. My mother has never told me the story of my birth. It’s something I’ve always wondered about, but I can’t force her to tell me. Something happened to her, and I’m scared to find out what it was, but I need to know where I come from, and this is my only means, at the moment, to try and discover more.

I shut my eyes and take a deep breath. I had notification a few weeks ago the results were back, but I’ve been too scared to look at them. Opening my eyes, I flick my mouse to bring up a new browser page and type in the website address. I log into my account and open up the tab labelled DNA, which instantly brings up my results. Twenty-five percent African, I expected that. I scroll further down, and my eyes flick over the rest of my genetic make-up.

“Tamara, what are you still doing up? It’s past midnight.” William strolls into the room. His eyes move to the computer screen and then up to me. I know I must have a guilty look on my face because his brows frown in the center. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing.” I try to hide the tremble in my voice, but I know I fail.

“Tamara. Step away from the screen.”

“It’s nothing.”

He raises an eyebrow at me, and then walking up to me, he lifts me up in the air. I bring the wireless mouse with me because my grip is so tight on it.

“DNA results, I did this once. I wanted to try and prove I wasn’t linked to my father. It didn’t work.” He shrugs and looks down. “Mmm…let me see, totally British apart from your grandfather.”

I nod, not able to form words. My heart is beating so fast. I’ve not even told Victoria I’m doing this. I know she wanted to do it at one time, but her father wouldn’t let her. I think she got Theodore to do it, instead, but I’m not sure.

“You’ve got a lot of Scottish in there as well. Wonder where from? Probably your father.”

William halts his train of thought.

“Shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean...”

“It’s ok.”

I scramble back to the computer and close the browser page.

“Wait, did you check your matches? It could give you an idea about who your father is.”

“No. William, please.”

He reaches out, takes the mouse from my hand, and lays it down on the table. Then placing his hand on top of the laptop, he shuts it down.

“Come with me.”

He holds out his hand. I look at it and back up at him, debating on whether to take it or not. I’m freaking out. I’ve just learned whoever my father is/was is most probably British. That’s more than I’ve known all my life. I need comfort, but the last time I took William’s hand, it led to him becoming so overstimulated that he broke down and near enough destroyed his room. I can’t let that happen again.

“I’m ok.” I keep my hands by my side.

“Ok.” He looks defeated and lowers his head. “I wasn’t going to…” Stopping, he turns away, and walks over to a cabinet in the corner of the room. He opens a drawer, pulls out a hip flask, and comes back over to me. “You had a shock. I was going to get you a drink. That’s all. I understand completely that you want to know where you come from. They say autism is hereditary, normally down the male line. I would love to know if my past ancestors had it. Maybe find out more about what makes me who I am.”

He unscrews the hip flask and gives it to me before turning and going back to the door.

“William,” I call out, guilt washing over me because he thinks I’m refusing to go with him in case he hurts me when in reality, I’m the one who’s inflicting the pain.

“You should get some sleep, it’s late. If you get too tired, you’ll be no good at reading through all that law stuff,” William replies.

He doesn’t turn back to face me but leaves the room with his hand flicking around his head. I look back at the computer. The answers to everything lie within it somewhere, but right now, I just need to sleep.

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