Page 84 of Playmaker

“No, I thought you wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore. If you knew I didn’t like partying and fucking I was afraid you’d become more distant, and I didn’t want to lose you.”

“Ethan.” I shake my head, trying to come up with words but finding myself short. What am I supposed to say to that? The guilt and shame I’ve been carrying nearly doubles in size at the thought of disappointing yet another person in my life. How could he not feel comfortable enough to tell me that? Have I really changed to the point he thought I’d push him out of my life because he was a virgin?

“I’m sorry,” I admit, clearing my throat. “You’ve been such a good friend to me, Ethan, and I’ve been shit in return. I knew something was up with you, but I was selfish.”

“No, you weren’t selfish. You were dealing with losing your mom, and I understood that.”

“Then why didn’t you find new friends? I wouldn’t have expected you to put up with me. If you had explained, I might have tried to change, or—”

“You’re my brother.” He levels me with a look that makes a lump form in my throat. “No matter what happens, I’m with you, and if that means pretending to enjoy partying and creating imaginary girls to sleep with, I’d do it all again so you weren’t alone, because I know you’d do the same for me.”

“Fuck, man.” I swipe at a tear that’s escaped. “Of course I’d do the same for you, I’m just sorry it’s taken me so long to notice and get my head out of my ass. I’m going to be a better friend, though. I promise you.”

He sighs, resting his head against the wall. “That’s the thing. What I started with Maya? She’s it for me. I’ve been sure about her for a long time, but I was too scared to make a move because I didn’t think she’d be comfortable with the virginity thing. I’m happy to say I was wrong, but can you honestly say you’re certain about my sister? Can you promise me you won’t hurt her? I can’t stand by and let you play with her feelings like you have with all the rest. While I understandwhyyou look for girls to use as an outlet, I’m not going to allow my sister to get her heart broken. We watched her go through that once already with Michael, and I’m not going to stand by only for it to happen again.”

“And I’d be lying to you if I told you with absolute certainty that I won’t hurt her. I’m fucked-up in a lot of ways, and you know it, but Maddie knows it, too, and I was honest with her from the very beginning about taking things slow between us. She’s been patient with me. If you’re looking for a definitive answer, I can’t give it, but one thing I can promise you? I’m trying my fucking hardest to be the guy she deserves, and she’s nothing like the rest. Not even close.”

“And if things don’t work out?” he asks. “What does that mean for us?”

“Nothing will change. Maddie knows how important our friendship is. She and I already had a falling out once, and were things a bit awkward? Sure, but you and I were still friends, right?”

“Do I even want toknowwhy you guys stopped speaking for years?”

Telling him I gaslit Maddie and kicked her out of my house the day after my mom passed wouldn’t bode well for me, and I don’t think admitting we had snuck out during their family trip to Myrtle Beach would bode well for me either. While I fully intend on telling him the truth someday, this isn’t the right time.

“Probably not,” I admit. “But the important thing is that she and I are working through it, and it’ll be a hell of a lot easier if we have your blessing.”

I hold my breath as he contemplates, blinking at nothing until he finally closes his eyes and releases a heavy sigh. “Pleasedon’t make me regret this, but fine. I won’t stand in your way. Just be cautious, Cameron. She loves hard, and she’s a girl you don’t want to fuck up with.”

“Trust me, I’m aware.” Getting back on my feet, I extend a hand to help him up, relief blossoming in my chest. Her entire family is accepting of us now.

No more secrets.

No more hiding.

“Sorry about punching you,” he adds.

I shrug. “I deserved it. Sleeping with your little sister is a good reason.”

“For fuck’s sake,” he groans. “Did you have to remind me?” When he pushes the curtain open again, Maddie is sitting up analyzing the walking boot covering her foot, and as soon as she hears her brother’s voice, her eyes dart between us, noticing the smiles on both of our faces.

I give her a subtle nod that everything is worked out, and the grin she sends me in return tells me she’s loopy from the medicine but fucking adorable all the same. It makes me want to do everything in my power to keep it there.

“How are you feeling?” I ask, easing into the chair beside her. My body screams in protest, and right now the only thing I want to do is step into a hot shower or bask in the hot tub for the rest of the night.

“Better.” She frowns, reaching over to rub my nose. “You’re bruised and swollen. Why haven’t you put any ice on it?”

“You can’t seriously be worried aboutme,” I deadpan, sending a pointed look to her walking boot. “I’ll be fine, Mads. I’ve taken a hit to the face a lot, given my profession.”

She glares at her brother. “You’re still an idiot for doing that in the first place.”

“I was looking out for you,” he replies.

“Well, you’re doing a shitty job at it.”

Maya rises to her feet, smiling tightly at Ethan. “How about we go grab some food? We can meet your parents down in the cafeteria.”

“Fine,” he says after a second. The tension between Ethan and me seems to have transferred to him and his sister. “We’ll be back in an hour or so.”

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