Page 73 of Playmaker

I want more.

Needmore.

But one more minute and my family will start to get concerned, and we can’t risk that. At least, it seemshedoesn’t want to risk it. The more I’m falling for him, the less I care about my family’s feelings on the matter. I do respect their opinion, but I’m an adult, and if Cameron and I want to date, there shouldn’t be a problem with it.

But Cameron wants to take things slow. He isn’t ready to say those three words to me, and until he is, I refuse to say them either. I don’t want my family knowing about us if it’s not going to work out or turn into something serious. I want to wait until Cameron is sure before I tell anyone else.

“You okay?” he whispers as he fixes the tie of his swim trunks. When he’s finished, he moves the bottoms of my bikini back into place and interlocks our fingers to tug me back on the gravel path.

“I’m more than okay,” I admit. “You have afilthymouth.”

I can hear the smile on his face when he says, “Well, judging from your wetness, I’d say you like it, no?”

“Definitely,” I admit, a blush creeping onto my cheeks. “Never stop.”

After we grab the bags of logs we head back to the patio, where laughter carries from up above, and when we reach my family again, nobody questions us or even casts a glance in our direction. I help Cameron set up the logs correctly in the pit before my dad joins us and lights it up.

The flames crackle to life, casting our faces in an orange glow, and my heart plummets into my stomach at how devastating Cam looks at this moment.

His curls are unruly and wild and his eyes are the brightest emerald that could rival the gems themselves. A smile covers the entire bottom half of his face, probably due to the memories of what we just did in the woods, and seeing him so carefree and happy has me coming to the conclusion that Ethan was right.

I’mgoodfor him.

And it’s only a matter of time before he realizes that too.

Maya joins us and tosses me a hoodie she grabbed, but when I bring it to my nose, the smell is all too familiar. It’s mint with a hint of spice, and my best friend shrugs when she sits down on one of the benches beside the fire pit and says, “I grabbed the first one I could find. I can’t help that it’s Cameron’s.” She shifts her attention to him when I slide it over my head. “Do you mind if she wears it?”

Ethan steals the spot beside Maya before I can sit down, his thigh pressed against hers. She’s wearing my brother’s sweatshirt, and I only know this because it’s an old one from high school when he tried soccer for a season and hated it.

Cameron gulps when his eyes run over me. “Not at all. Are you going to sit or stand all night?”

My feet move before my brain can catch up when he pats the spot beside him, but sitting here with my family brings a heavy reminder that there’s a possibility we’llneverbe able to work things out. If my brother or parents discover what’s been going on and disapprove, Cameron won’t go further with me because of how important my family is to him.

Sitting around this fire reignites the fear that I may never know what it feels like to experience my head on his shoulder and his arm wrapped around me, holding me close. He may never be able to love me fully because of the trauma of his past and his fear of facing the reality of his feelings.

I’m sinking into quicksand with him, and the longer I wait, the more difficult it’s going to be to pull myself out if he changes his mind.

“Your hair,” Cameron mutters under his breath, drawing me from my thoughts.

“Hm?”

“A leaf is in your hair. Left side.” The smug grin he’s wearing makes me roll my eyes as I discreetly find the leaf and discard it before my parents join us. My mom launches into a story about a romantic picnic my father planned for them tomorrow evening on one of the trails, and Ethan discusses a new restaurant he wants to try for dinner, subtly hinting that Maya should join us.

Everyone seems excited for what’s to come, and I want to feel the same, but with so much uncertainty hanging in the air about the future for us, I can’t bring myself to get on the same page.

Cameron bumps his knee against mine then lowers his head to whisper, “Have I mentioned before how beautiful you look in my clothes?”

My heart stutters in my chest.

When I lift my eyes to his, Cam scans them, seeming to read all the nerves and doubt. “Give me time,” he whispers.“Please.”

I muster up a weak smile, which evenIdon’t believe is convincing. I want to hold his hand through this, and I’m going to, but what does that mean for me? I’m putting my heart on the line, and the reality of the situation is we don’t have time to spare.

We leave for school in four days, and if Cameron decides he’s not ready to continue things, I’m going to be the one left to pick up the pieces of my heartagain.

But when those green eyes soften, pleading and communicating everything words can’t, I’m incapable of telling him no. I’m incapable of holding myself back out of fear of getting hurt. It’s always been all or nothing with him, and the truth is, I’d rather have it all than risk being nothing again.

I’m up to my neck in quicksand, and whether I like it or not, only Cameron’s hand can pull me out, and it’s up to him whether he chooses to save me or damn me for eternity.

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