Page 48 of Playmaker

He loves you in his own way, I remind myself as I unlock my car. He checks my bank account because he wants to make sure I’m not spending money on things I shouldn’t. He funds the account, so I don’t have any reason to complain, right?

The twinge of annoyance disappears when I throw my duffel bag in the backseat. “I had a friend over.”

“A friend,” he repeats. “Is thisfrienda girl or a boy?”

“Does it matter? I had pizzaonenight.”

“And that one night can throw off your entire diet, Cameron. How many times have we talked about this? If you want to make it to the NFL, you have to be at your best. It’s not the time to dick around.” He sighs heavily, and I can almost imagine him pinching the bridge of his nose. “Not many kids get these opportunities. You can’t afford distractions.”

“I’m not distracted.” Well, maybe a little, but he doesn’t have to know that. Maddie is a distraction in the best of ways. I’m not straying from my routine, but now I’ve startedenjoyingmy routine for once. If anything, being with her has made me a better athlete.

“I’m not trying to harp on you,” he says, but his tone doesn’t carry a hint of remorse. “You know this is what your mom always wanted for you. Whatwehave always wanted for you. I just don’t want you to fuck this up.”

The weight of the world comes crashing back down like a fucking avalanche. I’m quickly reminded where my priorities need to lie, but it’s not like Maddie and I will continue this after we head back to school. I won’t be distracted forever. We both agreed to enjoy it while it lasts, which is exactly what we’re doing. I have no reason to feel guilty. I’ll still make my parents’ dreams come true.

“I hear you,” I reply. My car rumbles to life, cutting into the silence. “I’ll make sure to stick to my diet the remainder of my break, all right?”The break you aren’t even here for, I want to add.

“I’ll keep a close eye too,” he reassures me. “I’ll be your support system.”

Ha. He’s the furthest thing from a support system. Since Mom passed, I’ve never once gone to my father for advice or help for anything. If he was an actual support system, I’d confide in him about Maddie and how conflicted I am about my feelings. I’d tell him that I wish Mom was here to tell me how to sort through my emotions so that maybe, someday, I could be the guy Maddie deserves. Instead, I’m left with a coach.

“Thanks,” I respond dryly. “We’ll speak next week?”

“Maybe sooner. Bye, son.”

When the line goes dead, the silence that wraps around me is practically insufferable. I put the radio on full blast, letting the music consume and numb me until I no longer feel a damn thing.

—

When I pull into my driveway, the ton of bricks that have been sitting on my chest the entirety of the drive vanishes at the sight of Maddie on the hood of her car. I wasn’t expecting to see her tonight, but it’s a welcome surprise.

“Missing me already?” I tease.

She rolls her eyes and hops off the hood. “I wouldn’t go that far. Maya had no plans tonight, so she said she’d cover. I didn’t mean to stop by unannounced, but—”

I cut her off with a kiss, my duffel bag landing on the pavement before my hands find their way to her hips. Kissing Maddie gives me the same numbness that music and being underwater can bring. It’s like a drug the way her lips meld with mine. I’m an addict who can’t seem to get enough, and in a matter of seconds the unbearable pressure in my chest evaporates, the high ofheroverpowering my sadness.

My hands run up her back before sliding into her hair, and I back her up until she’s pressed against her car. This kiss between us is slow.Passionate. Every move of mine is deliberate, and Maddie caresses my face with her hands, stroking my cheeks with the pads of her thumbs.

She has no idea how much I missed her. Hell,Ididn’t even know how much I missed having her in my life until we became whatever we’re labeled as now.Friends with benefitssounds too casual anddatingsounds too permanent. We’re . . . well, we’re exploring, and I’m okay with that.

For now.

“I missed you.” I breathe onto her lips. My forehead is resting against hers as I scan her eyes, and I can almost hear my brain laughing at me for how ridiculous I sound. Exploring will never be enough—not when she brings me this much peace.

“Really?” she asks.

I nod and give her another quick kiss. “Come inside. I have leftover pizza from the other night if you’re hungry.”

“I already ate,” she admits, “but I might be in the mood for something else.”

A smug grin pulls at my lips when I open the door and jerk my chin for her to follow me upstairs.

“Ooh, I’m finally going to see the infamous Cameron Holden’s room.”

I toss a confused glance over my shoulder. “You’ve never been to my room before? There’s no way. We’ve known each other since we were kids, Mads.”

“I haven’t,” she replies, staying close on my heels. “When we were younger our parents made sure I didn’t go in your room. We were never left alone.”

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