Page 14 of Playmaker

Whatever the reason, I can’t stop thinking about her, and rather than sit back and let myself be miserable about it, I’m going todosomething.

When I stand up from the couch, Maddie notices me and jumps back with a hand placed over her heart. “Jesus,” she breathes. “I didn’t realize you were sleeping here. What are you still doing up?”

I point to the freezer rather than answer her question. “The pizza is behind the frozen lasagna.”

“I wasn’t looking for pizza,” she replies.

“No? Has your late-night snack craving changed in the past six years?”

I inch closer until I can clearly see her face. The red lipstick hasn’t moved out of place, and her hair is still pin straight. She doesn’tlooklike she’s been messing around in the back of a car, and the hope that fills my chest because of that observation is pathetic. Thankfully, the glassy look in her eyes has faded, too, which means she’s not drunk anymore. At least I hope not.

“Fine.” Her shoulders slump in defeat when she tugs out the pizza. “But this doesn’t mean you still know me. I’ve changed a lot since—”

Since the night she left my house bawling her eyes out. She doesn’t have to remind me. The image replays in my head on a constant loop.

“What’s new about you, then? Aside from the fact you’ve become a bore.”

She gasps. “I havenotbecome a bore! I’ve always been like this.”

“Have you?” I cock my head to the side and study her as she slides the pizza into the preheating oven. I’m pushing her on this only to get under her skin. I know she’s been a bookworm since the moment she could read, but that night in Myrtle Beach was different. She showed a side of herself I didn’t realize existed.

It’s a version I miss intensely.

One I saw a glimpse of tonight when she sped off in that car with Mark.

“I remember a much different version of you in middle school,” I continue, knowing she’s seconds away from packing a beautiful punch to my face. “You were always convincing me to do dangerous things. Like sneaking out, for example.”

It’s a low blow considering that the night I’m talking about was the night I almost made a move on her, but I’m desperate to know if she still remembers it.

Does it still haunt her the way it does me?

When she spins to face me, hands balled into fists at her sides, I have my answer.

“I wonderwhyI tried to become a daredevil in the first place, Cameron. Do you have any idea as to why I’d try to convince you to sneak out that night? Being outgoing isn’t my thing, but whenever you’re involved I seem to—” She clears her throat to stop herself.

“Look, Maddie, I don’t want to fight with you. I’m tired of fighting. All I’m trying to say is that seeing you leave with Mark was the first time I caught a glimpse of theoldyou, and I guess I didn’t realize how much I missed that version of you until tonight.” The speech comes out rushed. I don’t sound like myself at all, and Maddie is standing in the middle of the kitchen with her feet rooted to the floor, seemingly in shock.

“We have your family’s annual spring break trip to the Grand Canyon next weekend, and I don’t want things to be awkward between us anymore, so I’m proposing a truce of sorts.”

“A truce,” she repeats slowly.

“Yeah. I want us to go back to how things used to be between us. At least until we head back to school. It’ll be easier for everyone that way. Plus think about how happy it’d make your parents. You know they’ve been devastated since we had our falling out.”

“I’mnot the one who caused that,” she mutters.

“No, it was me.Allme. What happened to our friendship was one hundred percent my fault. My mom had just passed, and after sneaking out onto the beach with you only a week prior, I—”Fuck, I’m not going to get into that now. “I was messed up, Maddie. I hated life and resented everything, and I couldn’t bear for you to become one of those things.”

Maddie shifts her gaze to the floor as I try desperately to blink back my tears.

“I wasn’t mature enough to admit I was wrong then, but I am now. You deserve to know how fucking sorry I am, and if you’ll let me, I’ll make it up to you. I’ll rebuild our friendship.”

Her eyes lift to mine, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Ourfriendship?”

The word sounds thick on her tongue. We both know it’s becausefriendshipis the furthest thing to describe what we had with each other, but I don’t know what else to call it. When break is over, we’ll be heading back to separate schools. A relationship has never been in the cards for us.

But for the next twelve days, I’m going to do whatever possible to fix things. Maybe if we go back to being friends the desire to kiss her lips won’t be as strong. Maybe if we stop ignoring each other I won’t want to grab her wrist and pull her against my chest to get her attention.

I don’t know if mending our friendship is the right thing to do, but what I was doing before isn’t working anymore, so it’s time for a change.

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