Page 44 of Playmaker

And I have no idea what the hell to do with that revelation.

“I want—” I run my tongue up the column of her neck. “To—” I bite her earlobe. “Feel you come.” I pant against her ear. “Please, baby.”

I finish before she does, and I feel her hips buck against my fingers as she watches me stroke myself in the mirror and stain the purple comforter she’s had for years. Her moan is loud, so I slap my free hand over her mouth while I bite down on her neck to muffle my own cries of pleasure.

Her legs are quivering when I slip my fingers out and collapse onto my back, panting and feeling as if I’m on cloud nine.

I’m in a dream I don’t ever want to wake up from.

She’s still on her knees, unable to move while she tries to regain control of her breathing. Then she looks over her shoulder at me and smiles, and something inside of my chest tightens at the sight. I don’t ever know what to say to her during the moments after. It’s always incredible with her, and each time we do this I become a little more addicted than the time before.

It’s silent in the room now, just the faint smell of sex floating throughout the air. She lies down beside me, her leg touching mine, and I instinctively pull her closer and tug the comforter over us for privacy.

“Are you still mad?” I finally manage to whisper.

She rests her chin on my chest and traces my tiny patch of chest hair. It seems as if she’s debating whether or not to share what’s on her mind, so I beat her to it.

“Be honest,” I say. To try to coax it out of her and make her feel more relaxed, I rub small circles on her thigh, smiling at the goose bumps that rise on her skin.

“I think I’d be lying to you if I said I was okay with you messing around with other girls,” she admits. “And maybe it’s partly my fault for not clarifying, so I apologize for that, but while we’re exploring during this break, I want to beexploringwith just each other.” She presses her lips together and releases a sigh. “Keeping this a secret is fine, but I don’t want to share you.”

Does shewanta title?

Would she be willing to take the risk and tell Ethan?

My mind whirls with about a billion thoughts going off at once. I’m not ready to commit to anyone, because the very minute I do, I’m going to run. I have attachment issues after losing my mom, and somehow, someway I’d fuck it up with Maddie if I ever got the chance.

“I know you aren’t the relationship type,” she reassures me, seeming to read my thoughts. “And I’m fine with that, but only if this exploring situation is with me and only me until we go back to school. I don’t want to be messing around with you if you’re messing around with other girls too.”

“I’m not,” I blurt. “Messing with other girls, I mean. I haven’t since we kissed.” The confession seems to surprise her, but she allows me to continue and doesn’t interrupt. “However, I don’t want to stop you from finding someone who can give you the things I can’t, Mads, and I wouldn’t be doing you justice if I tried to steer you away from Mark. Trust me when I say Iwantto be selfish as fuck and keep you all to myself, but you deserve more than that. That’s why I suggested you give him a chance.”

The thought of her with someone else is like a punch to the gut, but I’m not the guy she’s going to spend the rest of her life with. I lost the ability to fully love someone the second I found out my mom was no longer with me.

Maddie’s eyes meet mine, blurry with tears threatening to spill. “So you want me to go on a date with him?”

No.

Fuck no.

“I want to give you the choice,” I say instead. “You deserve to explore things with him to see where things go.” The disappointed expression on her face is enough to tempt me to lie to her and give her false promises I’ll never be able to follow through with. I want to tell her I could give her the happily ever after she craves because if my life was capable of having one, it’d be with her, but those words die on my tongue as soon as they enter my thoughts. I’m not going to lie only to crush her in the long run. I’m not going to have her walk away from me sobbing her eyes out like she did six years ago.

I refuse.

“Okay,” she whispers. “I’ll think about it, and if you’re allowing me to explore things with Mark then I guess you can see someone else if you—”

“I don’t want to see someone else.”

Her brows fly to her forehead.“Really?”

“Is that so hard to believe?” I counter. “I’ve explored enough. I’m fine being exclusive with you until we head back to school.”

“No other girls,” she repeats. “Just me. Are you sure you’re okay with that?”

“Mads.” I pull her closer. “I’m completely okay with that.”

The smile that falls over her face could rival the moonlight glittering through the window. I’m content when she relaxes her head back on my chest, almost as if nothing could go wrong. With her in my arms, suddenly my relationship with my dad doesn’t seem to matter. Making it to the NFL isn’t as stressful. Keeping my status as thehometown heroisn’t as important.

When I’m with her, I’m just Cam.

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