Page 96 of Until I Have You

And now here I am, pussyfooting around the things I want to preserve his feelings.

My own friend wants me to sacrifice the things I want for my father too.

Fuck that.

People shouldn’t have kids to protect their own feelings.Doesn’t matter if it was an accident.In fact, my being an accident is all the more reason he should support me and love me through whatever choices I make.

Even if I choose his best friend.

I finish my champagne and place it on the bar.And without looking around, taking stock of who might see me, I march out of the tent to follow Theo.

The breeze has kicked up, causing my skin to prickle with goosebumps.

I wrap my arms around myself and head toward the water’s edge, stopping when I see Theo’s shoes in the sand.I kick my sandals off beside his and smile to myself at the look of us side by side in a different way.

When I get down to the water, I glance down the beach and see Theo in the distance.

He sits with his knees drawn up, his toes lapped by the water.Drawing up my skirt, I walk toward him, steady and measured so he doesn’t notice me in case I chicken out and turn around.

But I don’t chicken out.I keep walking.Faster and faster until I’m several yards away, and I find my mouth forming his name: “Theo.”

Theo’s head shoots up.His eyebrows are lifted.“Abigail, what are you doing out here?”

I pad closer to him.“I came looking for you.”

Theo doesn’t reply, looking out over the calm waters.

I take a seat beside him, not minding my dress getting sandy.

It’s difficult to resist leaning into him, but I do.

We sit there in a steady silence for a while, nature our soundtrack, until Theo lets out a heavy sigh.“Someone might have seen you.”

“I know.I don’t care.”I put my finger in the sand between us and start to draw swirls out of sheer nervousness.“I was worried about you.”

“You needn’t worry about me, Abigail.”

“I don’t worry because I need to,” I say, not lifting my eyes from the sand.“I worry because…I care about you.”

Theo tsks.“Why do you have to say things like that?”

I finally lift my eyes to take him in again.

His jaw is set tight, lips pursed.

“Like what?”

“Things that remind me that–” Theo huffs.“For fuck’s sake, Abigail, I can’t do this.”

My heart cracks in another place.

“I can’t observe these rules anymore and pretend like what we have is strictly sex and pleasure.It hasn’t been that way for me for a really long time.”

The crack amends itself almost immediately.

“But I know that with your father and your family, us existing as an entity is impossible.”Theo’s head drops down.“That doesn’t mean it doesn’t cross my mind.More.Between us.”

I take a chance and lean toward him, placing my hand on his knee.“It crosses my mind too.”

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