Page 6 of Until I Have You

What kind ofidiotmoves his daughter across an ocean only to lose her in an aquarium the very first weekend?

This kind of idiot.Me.

Realistically, it wouldn’t be hard to lose a child in a place like this, not when there are so many of them running this way and that in the maze-like structure of this place.

It’s impossible to know exactly which way you came from or which way you’re supposed to go unless you’re able to spot one of the miniscule signs hanging overhead.Not to mention, the person helping me is completely nonplussed, because this happens all the time.

But thisdoesnothappen all the time.Ido not loseBonnieall the time and, bloody hell, I know every parent feels this way, but she’s more important than every other one of these rugrats.Because she’s mine, and I’m not supposed to lose her, not when I’ve maintained I can do this all on my own.

I’m not only her father, but I’m also her only caregiver.

And now I’ve brought her to a city she’s never been to, to a whole new world where she’ll have to make new friends and learn how to exist all over again after her short stint on earth thus far.

And I’ve lost her in a bloody aquarium where there’s a man walking around in a prawn costume.Or shrimp as they say here.I should start using their terminology, I guess.

Never mind that.This is a disaster.

The woman I’ve been speaking too takes a moment to pull away from her phone.“What color bows did you say she had in her hair?”

“Blue.No!Purple.Aw, bollocks.I don’t remember.”I thought I was such a great dad with all the hairstyling I’d done this morning and as it turns out, I have to actually remember the color of the bows too.I’m an idiot.

The woman smiles kindly at me and mutters into the phone.“Blue or purple.Not quite sure.”

Great, now all these people are going to think I’m a cack-handed man on top of being a cack-handed dad.Can’t even remember the bows in his daughter’s hair.

“Mhm.Mhm.Yes, thank you.”The woman hangs up the phone.“I’ve got security dispatched in every wing, looking for her.”

I sigh.“Thank you.Thank you so much.”

“If you’d like, you can come into the back and wait where it’s more comfortable.I can make you a cup of coffee or…uh, tea?Maybe you prefer tea.”

I grimace.People always assume I want tea because of the accent.They’d be right, but it still pisses me off.“Um, no.I’m going to keep looking.”

The woman frowns.“It might be better for you to stay in one spot so once we locate her, we can take her right to you.”

I shake my head and lift a hand as I step away.“No, I won’t be able to sit still.Thanks.”

As I walk away, the woman rushes after me.“How will I be able to contact you if something changes?”

I reach into the inside of my jacket and pull out a freshly-made-up business card and flick it out between my fingers as I search every square inch of this place from top to bottom.“My mobile, I mean, my cell’s on there.”

She takes it and before she can balk or ask any more questions, I’m off.Bugger all if I’m going to sit on my hands while my little girl is out there, probably scared to absolute bits.

Bonnie’s probably wondering where I’ve wandered off to, why I left her there.God, she’s probably in tears.I can’t stand the thought.

There is perhaps a slight chance Bonnie hasn’t even noticed my absence.Maybe she ended up at the dolphin show and is sitting rapt by the dolphins flipping and chortling, not even realizing she’s completely and utterly alone in a sea of people.

There is also a slight chance she’s been picked up by some criminal and has been taken and is already in a car jetting away from the aquarium, someone who won’t hesitate to demand a ransom to fuck with me.

I can’t think about it too hard, or I might burst into hysterics, which wouldn’t be inappropriate given the situation, but…

I don’t like that side of me.It’s embarrassing.No one needs to see my panic, the one threatening to gut me and spill my insides onto the dirty carpet of the aquarium.

It’s my fault.It always has been.Every single bloody thing that goes awry in life is a result, direct or indirect of my cack-handed brain.From the company collapsing, to what happened with my ex-wife, and now, to losing my daughter in a crowded aquarium.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spy a bouncing head, a plait of brown hair adorned with ribbons.I take rushing steps toward the little girl only to realize I didn’t plait Bonnie’s hair this morning.Just tied it back.

Bollock.Bollocks, Bollocks.I’ve lost so much the past few years.And I’d lose everything else too if it meant I had Bonnie here with me.But losing Bonnie would kill me.

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