Page 41 of Until I Have You

I can’t hide hold back the smile on my face.

Edwin tears my attention back to the conversation with a chuckle.“It’s good for Bonnie to be around someone other than you, Theo.”

I whip my attention back to my friend.

“You’re a great dad.I mean, it’s obvious to everyone,” he explains.“But she’s an only child and you can’t be her best friend forever.”

“She goes to school, she has friends.”

Edwin shakes his head.“It’s different.I mean, look at the twins.They’ve got me and Sonia, they’ve got my kids, their partners, it’s a whole network.”

“If you’re trying to be helpful, it’s not working.”

He’s just reminding me of everything I’ve lost.My brother.My ex-wife.My fucking career and my family.

“You have us too!Bonnie has us too, that’s what I’m trying to say.And it’s great you bring her around, but my point is you have to let go a tiny little bit.”

I stare at him.

I don’t want to let go.She’s my little girl.A part of me.All I have.Loves me despite all my faults.

“You hate me right now,” my friend says through a chuckle, baby bouncing on his chest.

“I don’thateyou.But I don’t love you right now either.”I cross my arms over my chest, returning my gaze out the window.

New York is supposed to be our opportunity.Bonnie’s and mine.A new start.A new life.This is where it all begins.And I’m terrified.

“I’m not ready for a nanny.Maybe a babysitter, but a nanny is out of the question.”

Again, Abigail’s voice.Closer this time.“You need someone to watch Bonnie?”

Abigail is now standing in the archway of the living room, leaning on the doorframe.Her red hair is twisted into a fluffy knot on her head, and she’s wearing a big T-shirt, bike shorts, and a pair of running shoes.She must have just come from the gym.

No, Iknowshe came from the gym because I can smell the sweet, salty sweat on her body all the way from here.

You disgusting old man.

“Are you offering, Abs?”Edwin asks, looking over in her direction and lifting his free hand toward her.

Abigail walks over,bouncesover, and takes her father’s hand fondly.

Remember, Theo: best friend’s daughter, best friend’s daughter, she’s my best friend’s daughter.

“I mean, I’ve got more free time than I’d like.”Her eyes cross to me, though they land a little short of eye contact.“I wouldn’t mind being busy, if I’m honest.”

Edwin tilts his head to the side and smiles at me.

“Ha!No,” I say with a bit more force than I intend.“I mean…”

I swallow.

“What I mean is I really don’t want to ask that of you, Abigail.I heard you during that conversation loud and clear, you have many other talents you’d rather take advantage of, and–”

“I only can if someone gives me the job to do it.”Abigail shrugs, diverting her eyes shyly.

“She’s great with kids, Dory.”Edwin acts as her living breathing resume.

I don’t need her to be great with kids.In fact, that’s part of the problem.

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