Page 28 of Until I Have You

Slow.We’re going slow through these changes.Though it would help the books if I started working on getting my new investment firm off the ground as fast as possible, my daughter is my priority.

We aren’t wanting for money.But it’s not nearly as abundant as it was when Wallington Limited was at the top of the food chain.

And it’s my own damn fault.I let my brother get away with bad behavior for far too long until there was no option but to dissolve the company.

I’m thankful in the last few years, I started paying more attention to my own books than the company’s.Now I have the capital to start my own firm and provide a handsome life for my daughter.

Still, I’m on my own here.No family, no partner.I’ve got to keep things in check.For Bonnie.

All of my life is now for Bonnie.It was my choice, at the end of the day.

Doesn’t mean it’s not overwhelming, though.

Bonnie spits into the sink, then bears her teeth in the mirror.“They don’t look different.”

I spit out my toothpaste so I can laugh.“It’s a long game, Bonbon.”

She shrugs, then climbs up on the sink and puts her arms on my shoulders.

This is routine too.She gets up here so I can pick her up and take her to bed.

I might be the one who has to stop this routine first.Not sure how many more years I have of carrying her to bed.For now, though, I’ll cherish them.

“All right, up you go,” I murmur and pull her into my arms.

As I walk her to her room, I get flashbacks to that first year of fatherhood.When she was so small I couldn’t fathom she’d ever be this big.

Her head on my shoulder feels the same.Heavy and yielding.She knows she’s safe here in my arms.Always has.

It was this feeling that really shifted everything for me.Her need for me.

I admit, my idea of a family looked exactly the way my own family looked.My father would be at the office as late and as long as he pleased, while my mother took care of us as it pleased her, and the nanny did the rest.

Esme expected a nanny.And I gave it to her.But the older Bonnie got, the more Esme checked out.

On the flip side, the older Bonnie got, the more I checked in.I couldn’t stand my daughter being surprised to see me or the way she wept to let me go.

I’m a father first.Above anything.

Esme did not like it when I figured that out.

I tuck Bonnie in bed, pulling the comforter all the way up to her chin.“All right, my little Bon-rito.”

Bonnie giggles at the stupid nickname.“You have to roll me for me to be a burrito.”

I place my hand on her belly.“Well, I didn’tsayburrito, I saidBon-rito.Thereisa difference.”

Bonnie yawns and speaks at the same time.“You’re silly, Daddy.”

“I know I am.”I look up around the room.It’s relatively empty.We’ve only been here half a month.There’s still lots to be done.“This weekend, we’ll go pick out paint for your room.Does that sound like fun?”

Bonnie smiles.“Yes!”

“What color would you like?”

“Pink and turquoise and bright green.”

“Bright green?”I grimace.“I don’t know about that.”

---