Page 16 of Until I Have You

“I’d make a good scientist.”

I try to quell the fire inside me.

Can’t he imagine how much I’ve doubted myself over the past few months?How much I’ve wanted to give up and throw in the towel?

Now I’d make a good nanny.

Fucking ridiculous.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s an important job.But that’s not the job I’ve worked my ass off for.Not my dream.

And just because I’m a woman who likes to be around kids doesn’t mean I want to make it my life.

“I agree.Of course, you would.”Theo’s brow tenses at the middle.“Forgive me, your employment was just on the brain since your father and I–”

“Well, get my employment off your brain.I don’t need your help.”

My father takes a step forward.“Abigail, you’re being rude.”

I stick out a hand in Theo’s direction.“How am I the one being rude being rude when your friend has–You know what?Forget it.”

I storm out of the kitchen without another word, water sloshing onto my hand as I go.

Sometimes, I feel like no one understands me.Maybe no one ever has.

4

THEO

Abigail has beenquiet all night since our kitchen run in.

I feel like a bloody bugger for my suggestion.

It came from a good place, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Story of my bloody life.Always wanting the best for everyone else, not quite sure what would be best for myself, often losing the forest for the trees and cack-handing everything up anyway.

Currently, she’s sitting by the window, playing a boardgame with Bonnie, her elbows resting on her knees as she watches Bonnie roll a pair of dice.Her hair drapes over her back like water, and her freckled cheeks bounce with a smile.

She preoccupies me.Her mere being.

The fact she seems put off by me at every turn only adds to my fixation.

I want to know why.What I did.How she sees me.Why don’t I get the unfettered smiles she seems to give everyone else?

I am not owed those smiles.Not owed her kindness.In fact, I’d rather Bonnie have it than me.

Still, I can’t help wanting.

Edwin’s hand claps down on my shoulder.“Want to have a drink in my office?”

I give Bonnie and Abigail a final look.Bonnie claps excitedly as Abigail has to hand over some of her cards.

She shakes her head and sighs as if what’s happened is more dramatic than the state of life itself.

Their game is the most exciting thing in the room between the sleeping twins, conversations between friends, tiny touches between lovers.

“They’re fine.”Edwin smiles.

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