Page 128 of Until I Have You

I’m still ever trying to expand her community ever since the blow up in January between Edwin and me.

It was foolish to rest on the laurels of Abigail’s presence in her life.Because in an instant, that all disappeared.Bonnie’s taken it okay, I suppose, but I don’t know how long that will last.Especially when she’s old enough to want the truth.I won’t be able to hide that from her…but I also don’t want her to think less of me.

Vince clears his throat.“You…hear me?”

“Sorry, multitasking, yes, we can,” I say.

Vince furrows his dark brow.With a name like Vincenzo Palmeri, one has to assume it’s the Italian blood in him.“You all right?”

“Hm?Fine.”I dust my hand over my knee as if there’s something there.

“Doesn’t seem like you’re fine, man,” Vince says with a toothy grin.“Come on, you can tell me.”

I shift in my seat, crossing my ankle over my knee.“No, really.You’re a client, that’s not appropriate.”

When I first took over Wallington Limited, I wouldn’t have cared how I spoke to clients.I would have overshared.That’s what got us in so much hot water over and over again.Not being careful.Of course, I wasn’t the one committing crimes.But I was the one who had to clean them up.

“Dude, come on,” Vince says.“We need to have a place to share how we’re feeling too, right?”

Vince might be younger than me, but the world hasn’t changedthatmuch since I was a young man.

I grew up being told to have a stiff upper lip.It’s the British way.The Britishmaleway.The way it is for men all over the world.Stuff it down so it doesn’t see the light of day.

Even if you’re hurting so much you don’t know how to survive.

I’ve been in that dark place.So dark I don’t know where the light comes in.Thank god I have Bonnie.She keeps things light.

Without her, though…I’m not sure what I’d do having lost Abigail.

“If you have someone you talk to, then fine, don’t let me push you.But I’m just saying, I have an ear.I’m happy to lend it,” Vince explains.

“I’m sure you’re full up withfeelings,” I say, attempting levity.

But Vince remains insistent.“I have room for other people now.I didn’t for a while since I lost…” He clears his throat.

No, I won’t pile my feelings onto a man still grieving his wife.“I’m all right.Let’s talk business, hm?”

§

When I go into Bonnie’s room to tuck her in for the night, I’m shocked to see her holding the stuffed puffin Abigail bought her for Christmas.She’s curled on one side, cradling the little plush bird to her chest.

“That’s a new bedfellow…” I come over to her side and sit on the edge of the bed.

“Do they have phones in Ireland?”Bonnie whispers.

“Of course they do.They have phones everywhere.Well, most everywhere, I can’t be sure about the jungles of Malaysia or remote Alaska, but…”

“So, she could call?”

I freeze.

Explaining Abigail’s absence has not been easy.In fact, it’s been impossible.When Bonnie realized Abigail was gone, I tried to keep it light.That she had to leave early, that her work was so important they needed her now.

Naturally, Bonnie was disappointed, but she wasn’t distraught.

Lying to my child is never good.It was necessary, though.For survival.

Now, though, I’ve lucked out for too long.

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